Torn - Love Forum

someone · #1 (**permalink**) 13-04-04, 09:57 AM

I've got it really bad for this guy, and I know that there is definitely a mutual attraction. The only problem is that he will be moving in a few months. Part of me feels like I should live for the moment and pursue something more with him. On the other hand, I'm terrified of getting too emotionally involved because it will make it that much harder when he leaves. This guy is a total package. He's the kind of guy I could see myself with for a while (not just a spring/summer fling). We're already friends, and I think the transition to being a couple would be easy to make. I just don't know if it's worth it or not to take the next step. Has anyone been in a similar situation? If so, how did you handle it and what happened?

sfalexi · #2 (**permalink**) 13-04-04, 12:07 PM

I've been a VERY similar situation. I live in NJ. A girl I met and dated a few a times was leaving back home to california in about ten months from when we started dating. I felt like we could have had a great time together, but I KNOW that if I had gotten serious with her, I would have fallen too hard for her. She was too cool. She met and fully exceeded what I look for in a woman.

So I chose to stop dating her. Sure those few months might have been great, but I wasn't looking for a short term relationship and knew that she was leaving no matter what. And I wasn't going to leave NJ no matter what. So I decided to spare myself the pain.

As for the aftermath, we still call each other and talk every now and then. An average of maybe once a month. And I'll probably meet up with her a few times over the summer if she comes back to Jersey. But otherwise, I'm ok with the decision I made. I kept my heart from breaking, and we've both moved on.

Alexi

Does that help you any? Maybe. Maybe not. But you asked what happened and how I handled it.

peshkunta · #3 (**permalink**) 13-04-04, 04:13 PM

I don't know. You live once. What if he was "the one?" I know you might say if he is the one, then we'll surely get together. But, see, some people never marry or have anyone at the end (what about their "one") Sure it might hurt, though I don't understand why except that most people do. I would've went for it. I don't know why, but I feel no emotional pain when it comes to stuff like that, so it might not be so good to take my advice. Why do you people hurt, I don't get it???

Pretender · #4 (**permalink**) 14-04-04, 01:52 AM

I'd leave that alone. The only thing you can get from dating this guy is either friends with benefits or a broken heart. Neither of those look appealing to me.

Just stick with the friends thing.

someone · #5 (**permalink**) 14-04-04, 11:33 PM

That's sort of what I was thinking too. I've started trying to put some space between us, but it's so dang hard. All he's gotta do is give me that look and my willpower goes right out the door. It also doesn't help that I see him just about everyday. Any tips on how to get someone out of your system when you still have to see them day after day? Obviously I can't make the chemistry between us go away. HELP!!!

sfalexi · #6 (**permalink**) 14-04-04, 11:39 PM

Just keep thinking of how he'll be gone. So in a few months you WON'T be seeing him every day. And keep reminding yourself that it can't work out. Not to worry about what it'd be like, because it WON'T be like that.

someone · #7 (**permalink**) 15-04-04, 12:26 PM

Easier said than done, but I'll try.

Killerbabe · #8 (**permalink**) 15-04-04, 01:01 PM

Dear Someone, I was once in your shoes. I met a foreign student in my homecountry last spring and we hit it off right away without thinking about the consequences. Well, three beautiful months went by and he had to go back. We decided that I should come out to Denver (his hometown) two months later, to study abroad just like he did in Moscow(my hometown). Well, we waited for two months and then I got my visa rejected. We were heartbroken. Five months went by of constant long-distance phone calls, email, and letters. In December I finally got my visa and came out to Denver. After being together for three months, falling madly in love, and being in a long-distance relationship for 7 months we're finally living (very happily) together.

I say if it's love go ahead and give it a shot - it's so worth it. Love knows no boundries.

peshkunta · #9 (**permalink**) 15-04-04, 01:10 PM

I say...have fun while he is there. I'm sure he would like to be with someone...haha. After he lives, you'll forget him easy, there are plenty of guys around I'm sure.

Killerbabe · #10 (**permalink**) 15-04-04, 01:12 PM

Oh wow, coming from a cynic.

How's it going peshkunta? How are the nasty girls at the grocery story?

peshkunta · #11 (**permalink**) 15-04-04, 01:15 PM

I left that job.

peshkunta · #12 (**permalink**) 15-04-04, 01:16 PM

LOL...cynic...whatever you say, I don't care...

LightOn · #13 (**permalink**) 16-04-04, 12:40 PM

someone: Do, as your heart pleases....If and possibly when the time comes for sadness, understand that it was a decision you made. Make the best time with whatever little time you may have. Either way you go about it you will have "risks" and questions. So ya might as well go with what you really "want" to go with. Heartbreak or curiosity? Or niether? I can't really validate what is best for you, only you can do that. Although every experiance is a good chance to learn something vital about you and/or things you want. Good Luck!

someone · #14 (**permalink**) 17-04-04, 12:00 PM

Thanks for all the feedback. It helps to get different perspectives on the situation. I've come to the conclusion that whatever happens happens, and that's ok with me. Sometimes I have a tendency to overanalyze and worry about stuff. I've decided to just go with the flow and do what comes naturally. I don't want to purposefully avoid him because I enjoy being around him, but I'm also not going to actively pursue a relationship either.

sfalexi · #15 (**permalink**) 17-04-04, 12:07 PM

GL then. And have fun!