Woman Likes To Date Jerks

[fig123456]

As someone who dated a jerk, who I now refer to as may “learning experience”, I admit to falling under the jerk’s spell.
Here’s how the jerk spell works: you meet the jerk and in some twisted way are seduced by his confidence, charm, and passion. you never see those as the disguises they are: confidence is really arrogance, charm comes from him being a player, and his passion is being the center of his own universe.
The jerk sniffles our insecurities and use them to reel you in with no compliments that eventually turn into criticisms. And if u see a red flag, like the time my “learning experience” told me his definition of a relationship was “light, fun and physical”. you play mind games with yourself. you use your normally rational inner voice to convince yourself that we can tame his or that with the right kind of girlfriend he will lose his jerk armor and transform into the leading man of a typical romantic comedy. Come on ladies ,what are you thinking?
A jerk loves being a jerk. Way more than he loves anyone else. I guess if the always got away with treating people poorly and nobody even set him straight, why would they change? Besides, a jerk seems always have a attractive woman on his arm laughing at his mediocre jokes and ignoring his wandering gaze. How? I think it's because deep down every woman wants a challenge or a little danger. It's not really the jerk we like; it's the thrill of the chase, the rush of adrenaline when the jerk's phone number pops up on our cell (which is usually right after last call).

[FoxyLaydee]

Do women really fall for jerks/bad boys?

Oh and I think posting a thread under one category will suffice.

[Lozenger]

I might have fallen for a jerk - I think he's leading me on now though so I'm gonna forget all about him - if i can
It'll be hard though coz I start school again tomorrow

But I hope that women don't always fall for the bad guys

[vashti]

Most women outgrow their interest in jerks unless they are drama queens.

[GrkScorp]

In the words of my friend Carla:

"Men are like purses.., you have those really nice purses that you can fit a lot of things into and is really practical.. but that purse doesn't look that great.. and you don't want to be seen walking around with that kind of purse.. then you have your favorite purse which you just love.. it may not look that great.. but it's comfortable.. and then you have these gorgeous purses that you'd want to walk around with for the whole world to see you in and die of envy and jealousy.. but those purses usually cost a lot of money or are an assh0le"

There are some things about the "nature" of jerks that appeal to women.. powerful attraction.. but women want more than attraction.. they took the bait.. they bit the hook.. and now they're hooked pretty bad.. very hard to shake it off and escape.. To add to that.., when they don't find anything more than attraction (the only thing a jerk has to offer).. they will settle for "hope"..

Add to this.. the desire for finding the "perfect man".. and when he's not found.. the desire to make him.. Jerks are natural attractors.. they're not desperate, needy, creepy, weak, pushovers, or clingy.. In a world of guys that give a woman attention and validation.. the jerk offers and escape.. he is a mystery she must solve.. he is a challenge she was waiting for.. Her tests don't work.. she has no control.. she does not know if he is interested in her or not.. and so she is chasing him.. and in doing so.. her desire for him grows.. until she finds it impossible to deny to herself what she now feels for him.. she now longs for some sign that he feels the same for her.. now the problem becomes the jerk's shallow nature.. so her solution to her problem is to "fix him" or "change him" so that he can feel for her what she feels for him.. and so.. she finds herself trapped.. until she realizes how futile her efforts to change him are..

For guys.. there's much to learn from the appeal a jerk holds.. how powerful of a motivator it is for women to act.. on how strong of an emotional roller coaster ride they go on.. and to what degree they are willing to chase just to get some attention, validation, or love from him..

For women.. there's much to learn aswell.. The appeal of the jerk stops at attraction.. (it really does).. because such strong attraction is built.. and such a strong thirst for attention, validation and love follows.. women are willing to do crazy things (overlook comfort & value) just to get something back from the jerk.. but all the jerk has to offer is attraction.. nothing more.. there is nothing behind that cloud of mystery.. and when that cloud starts to clear.. and when you realize all the time and effort you've been wasting on a guy who isn't worth it.. that's when you start to realize your mistake.. and how hard it is to emotionally pull away..

Powerful attraction.. that's all it is..

Best,

GrkScorp

[bluesummer]

I like your purse analogy GS. It's pretty fitting.

I was married to a jerk. When I applied that 'purse' theory to my attraction to him, it really made sense. He was really good looking, fun, and lots of girls wanted him. We didn't have too much in common, besides being bar stars at the time (which I grew out of, but he didn't). It felt good to show him off, to be the girl HE had chosen out of all the other ones who were after him.

In the end though, those flasy 'purses' lose their appeal....they are cumbersome and not worth what you put into them. I tend to stick with the more reliable ones these days....I know they're dependable, and while not the flashiest things, they have attributes that the flashy ones are lacking.

[Gigabitch]

I've dated some jerks. Only made the mistake of getting emotionally involved with a jerk a couple of times, though. I think I still have the grill marks on my ass from the last one.

It's led me to be very mistrustful of charm.

[GrkScorp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

It's led me to be very mistrustful of charm.

This is why all other men hate jerks..

Charm is a beautiful thing to get lost in.. insofar is it's genuine and free of all intentions..

[vashti]

Charm is generally camouflage for bad character.

[Mishanya]

Vash, why do you always emanate so much pesimism?

Just curious

[vashti]

That's not pessimism. You are just overly sensitive, like a girl.

[Mishanya]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

That's not pessimism. You are just overly sensitive, like a girl.

See, that's what I'm talking about

What's up with that Vash? What makes you so negative?

You can talk to me, I'm your friend, I want to help you

[vashti]

Are you retarded? Do you not see that in essence I made the same observation that Giga did, and you choose to nag me about it? Go bother someone else.

[Mishanya]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

Are you retarded? Do you not see that in essence I made the same observation that Giga did, and you choose to nag me about it? Go bother someone else.

I'm talking about consistency with a long history of pesimism. Look, even at the choice of words you are using

"Are you retarded" - Accusation / attack
"Do you not see" - Accusation / defence
"You choose to nag me" - Accusation / attack
"Go bother someone else" - Attack / defence

Why do you prefer to use these negative patterns when you communicate? What safety do you find in these? This is what really interests me

P.S. Giga made a personal reference, that because of her experience she is mistrustful of charm, although outside of her experience maybe perception of charm can be different. You spoke of it as fact, not as a personal experience. This is just an example from observation, I have many of these.

[vashti]

::rolling eyes::

I liked you a lot better when you weren't posting here.