drugs and guys - Love Forum

busgirl · #1 (**permalink**) 16-04-04, 12:33 PM

i already posted (always just friends) about this coworker i sooooo love. i finally asked him out, but the air still wasnt cleared, and i STILL dont know if he likes me as a friend or as more. he couldnt go, but we have hung out since then, and since he is new to town, i want to help him as much as i can. last night he got in a fight with his roommate and called me to come get him, so i did and we ended up at my house till 3 am. my new problem is this..... he told me last night that he was a heroin addict for 10 years and he is staying at a halfway house. i smoke weed (a lot) and drink (also a lot), and the first time i hung out with him, i offered him a hit of the weed not once but twice (he refused) and now i feel like a total jerk. theres not much i can do in the way of taking that back, but my question is this: do yall think maybe i ruined my chances with him already without even knowing it? and if anybody out there knows a former addict, is it at all possible to have a relationship with him without quitting what I do? of course, i will never do it around him again. tell me something good.

LightOn · #2 (**permalink**) 16-04-04, 01:20 PM

There is a chance, but him being in a halfway house shows that he is tryin to come clean. So you might want to think about your influence on him. This will sound rather harsh, but to the point. If you are not willing(not saying you aren't though) to sober up, then you might not want to look forward to him wanting someone who is not clean or workin' on it themself.

I take it by what you said, that you asked him if he wanted a hit after he told you he was a former heroin addict. If you asked him before he informed you of his previous addiction your chances may be a "little" better. Sounds to me like the odds are against you but, all is not lost.

Heck it might be a good time to "kick" the habit anyway. Even if you have no chance with this guy, what says that this question won't pop up in your head again if you meet another person you like? If something makes you feel discouraged or insecure, eliminate it.

For something good...I have only smoked up a few times, I never considered dating anyone that done anything more than drinking. However a girl I met a while back was one of the biggest good influences I have had in my life. I found her peaceful and self-possessed nature extremely attractive. The good qualities I looked for in a girl was now in front of my eyes. She smoked pot as much as she could, rolled on XTC and other drugs. That's why I say all is not lost, because that girl certainly had me.

busgirl · #3 (**permalink**) 16-04-04, 01:27 PM

i asked him before i knew. im a jackass, but not on purpose.

LightOn · #4 (**permalink**) 16-04-04, 01:41 PM

You're not a jackass, but you may become one if you keep calling yourself that.

Did he know you were into weed before yall hung out this past time?

LightOn · #5 (**permalink**) 16-04-04, 01:45 PM

Wait you said the first time you hung out you offerd him, so i guess he already knew. My bad

Give it your best shot, but not all you have to give.....He doesn't smoke up lol

busgirl · #6 (**permalink**) 16-04-04, 02:13 PM

thanks.... i appreciate the advice lighton. it just sucks knowing it may be my own fault if this doesnt go how i want.

LightOn · #7 (**permalink**) 16-04-04, 02:38 PM

I know ya heard this before but, things happen. Hang in there, and try not to beat yourself up over it too much.

I haven't figured out who yet, but someone is playin a nasty trick on us

J/K

sfalexi · #8 (**permalink**) 16-04-04, 10:46 PM

I stopped reading the post right after I found out he was a heroin addict. I suggest staying away. That's a HELL of alot of baggage to take on.

My ex once dated an ex-heroin addict. After a year of dating, he got back in the habit and called her up to pick him up from jail. Why was he in jail? Because in order to get money for heroin, he and a friend broke into ANOTHER ex-friend's house and stole all sorts of jewelry, then beat the shit out of his mother when she got up to investigate what that noise was.

That's a hell of a lot of baggage and if you don't HAVE to date this guy, I wouldn't recommend doing so.

Alexi

At least go to google and type in "heroin relapse rate" or "heroin statistic relapse" or some other variant to find out what you could be getting into.

dragoon · #9 (**permalink**) 16-04-04, 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sfalexi
I stopped reading the post right after I found out he was a heroin addict. I suggest staying away. That's a HELL of alot of baggage to take on.

Totally. There's so many great guys out there that don't have life debilitating drug problems. If I met a girl and found out she was a drug addict, I'd turn tail and run immediately, no matter how attracted I was to her.

sfalexi · #10 (**permalink**) 16-04-04, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Totally. There's so many great guys out there that don't have life debilitating drug problems. If I met a girl and found out she was a drug addict, I'd turn tail and run immediately, no matter how attracted I was to her.

On a sidenote, the worst is when they WITHHOLD important information (like this or anything else that might make you not want to start a relationship) until you're IN it. Then it becomes harder for you to turn tail and run. And they know that so they wait until you're deep in it. Be happy you found out up front and wasn't like my ex who found out after dating the guy for months.

Alexi

dragoon · #11 (**permalink**) 16-04-04, 11:06 PM

That is true, a good point.

Pretender · #12 (**permalink**) 17-04-04, 12:06 AM

Being addicted to a serious drug like that never goes away. This guy will deal with the problem for the rest of his life. It will always be in the back of his mind man I just want to try it one more time to get that feeling back and he might not be strong enough to resist it. I commend him for cleaning up he is a good person but if I were you I wouldn't get involved because problems with serious drugs NEVER just dissapear this is something he and you will worry about for years and years if you get involved.

LightOn · #13 (**permalink**) 17-04-04, 12:20 AM

Halfway house is for second chances in life....YALL GIVE HIM THAT FU**IN CHANCE!!!!! I DONT CARE WHAT THE RELAPSE RATE IS. Maybe 90% of them relapse because too many people will always consider them worthless. Adolf Hitler never did a drug in his life, other than alcohol.

Pretender · #14 (**permalink**) 17-04-04, 12:26 AM

The only way I would give him that chance is if I was prepared to be hurt and didn't want to seriously go anywhere in a relationship with him. Be his friend definetly, but the risks of him using again are way to high for me. I would hate to spend years with someone and then have them start using again and forget about me. Because that is what drugs do.

It's a personal preference though if it doesn't bother you that he could relapse go for it.

LightOn · #15 (**permalink**) 17-04-04, 12:48 AM

Lets not forget the chance a totally clean person could get into it too or even worse....traffic and use it. "RISKS" are there regardless of what is chosen anyway you look at it. As for degree of risks, sometimes the most challenging of things are better to do first. Because then it is out of your way the rest of your life.............................................. .