Do you guys believe an destined love and/or instant connections? - Love Forum

Jenna24k · #1 (**permalink**) 27-05-08, 09:46 AM

I ask this question because about four years ago at the age of 22 I met a guy in New York (I reside in Virginia). We exchanged numbers and for six months we talked almost every day, sometimes for 2 to 3hours. I felt an instant and special connection with this man. We maintained a close, although not commited, relationship for two years. Now I will be the first to admit that this was not the healthiest relationship and I have no desire to return to it. What I do desire is the connection I believe I had with this individual. After, we went are separate ways, I did not date for some time. Now I am attempting to date again and I often get very frustration because of a lack of perceived connection with the men I am dating. So here are my questions: 1. Is it wrong for me to look for an instant/similar connection to the one I had with my friend from NY? 2. Was that connection real or a result of my naivete?

Mishanya · #2 (**permalink**) 27-05-08, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenna24k

1. Do you guys believe an destined love and/or instant connections?

I believe instant connection is posible. There are certain combinations of personality, culture and history of two people that make connection very easy when they meet. I think you've lost me a bit on destined love, I believe love is something that needs time to develop.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenna24k

2. Is it wrong for me to look for an instant/similar connection to the one I had with my friend from NY?

Not wrong at all. You will just have to accept that such connections are rare and thus dedicate more time towards looking than you normally would.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenna24k

3. Was that connection real or a result of my naivete?

That initial connection was probably real. But mistakes and failures to establish commitment in that relationship probably ultimately doomed it.

Cain · #3 (**permalink**) 27-05-08, 09:56 AM

Instant connection? Yes. Instant love? No.

IndiReloaded · #4 (**permalink**) 27-05-08, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mishanya

I believe instant connection is posible. There are certain combinations of personality, culture and history of two people that make connection very easy when they meet. I think you've lost me a bit on destined love, I believe love is something that needs time to develop.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cain

Instant connection? Yes. Instant love? No.

Ditto. Me too, agree, etc.

lesa · #5 (**permalink**) 27-05-08, 10:18 AM

There is nothing wrong with looking for an instant connection. It can help you determine if a long term relationship is possible with the individual.

The connection with the friend from NY was probably real. It is an ingredient to building a successful relationship.

Tedel · #6 (**permalink**) 27-05-08, 10:41 PM

mm... In general, love cannot be looked for, it just happens. Doctors call it pheromones. The connection you felt is just called empathy.

Mishanya · #7 (**permalink**) 28-05-08, 07:58 AM

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Originally Posted by Tedel

mm... In general, love cannot be looked for, it just happens.

Interesting. But, the more you look for it the greater are the chances it will happen. What do you think about that?

IndiReloaded · #8 (**permalink**) 28-05-08, 08:01 AM

I think that the very few times I've been 'in love' (which I can count on less than one hand), I saw it coming from miles & aeons away.

Lust & infatuation are different.

Cain · #9 (**permalink**) 28-05-08, 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mishanya

Interesting. But, the more you look for it the greater are the chances it will happen. What do you think about that?

I think love finds you.

I also believe that there is always one person out there that is your best match. I know some people don't like to believe that there's one person for everyone, but there has to be one person that's better for you than anyone else. If you have 10 people lined up, one of those people will be a better match for you than the others. Same with your "one".. it's just spread over a larger population.

I also believe that sometime during your life, you'll encounter that one person. It's up to you to recognize it and take advantage of it.

Mishanya · #10 (**permalink**) 28-05-08, 08:11 AM

For me love found me only when I was specifically out looking for it, not when I was waiting for it to show up. The way I see it, the more outgoing you are the greater are the chances you will meet that person with an instant connection, the greater are the chances you will fall in love with that person given enough time.

I would say my most functional relationships were with girls with which I felt instant comfort and attraction and kissed on the first date. A great start is like a rocket for the motivation.

IndiReloaded · #11 (**permalink**) 28-05-08, 08:13 AM

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Originally Posted by Cain

I know some people don't like to believe that there's one person for everyone, but there has to be one person that's better for you than anyone else.

This is interesting. Never thought of it quite that this, but I suppose this must be true in an absolute sense.

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I also believe that sometime during your life, you'll encounter that one person. It's up to you to recognize it and take advantage of it.

This I don't agree with. There is no guarantee that you will meet THE person who would be your 'absolute best fit' in your lifetime. For many reasons, geography & opportunity barriers being just a couple examples. Unless you mean to invoke some kind of Cosmic Influence? I've met a few ppl in my life I know I'd be quite happy to coexist with. But I don't believe ppl who say they've found someone for whom the heavens opened up & the angels began to sing. I just say those ppl are experiencing a normal hormonal rush that comes with the infatuation phase of love, which BTW, can extend over very long periods of time given the right conditions.

This is why its best to have an approximate idea of your 'ideal mate' & actively search out those who might satisfy these criteria. If you manage to find someone like that, lucky you.

Cain · #12 (**permalink**) 28-05-08, 08:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded

This I don't agree with. There is no guarantee that you will meet THE person who would be your 'absolute best fit' in your lifetime. For many reasons, geography & opportunity barriers being just a couple examples. Unless you mean to invoke some kind of Cosmic Influence? I've met a few ppl in my life I know I'd be quite happy to coexist with. But I don't believe ppl who say they've found someone for whom the heavens opened up & the angels began to sing. I just say those ppl are experiencing a normal hormonal rush that comes with the infatuation phase of love, which BTW, can extend over very long periods of time given the right conditions.

This is why its best to have an approximate idea of your 'ideal mate' & actively search out those who might satisfy these criteria. If you manage to find someone like that, lucky you.

It's definitely a concept that not a lot of people will truly agree with. I just like to think of it as some kind of universal solution. Something.. somehow... will allow you to have some kind of interaction with that person. It's just whether you realize it or not. But then again, I'm just weird.

And the honeymoon stage, the infatuation stage, only lasts from the beginning til about one year in my opinion. Once you reach that year mark, if you're still as into each other as you were in the beginning, there's a better shot the relationship will last.

Gribble · #13 (**permalink**) 30-05-08, 01:19 AM

See, I hate that idea of "the one". There must be a million people out there who would make the perfect match. Otherwise nobody would ever fall in love.

So when I fall for a chick I just remind myself that there are plenty more out there just like her and the moment it starts to get routine, well, it's time to look for the next soul mate.

twisted · #14 (**permalink**) 30-05-08, 04:43 AM

I've only ever felt the connection with one person. It's hard because it came along when I was least expecting it and I am already "taken". You'll feel it when it's there again.

Cain · #15 (**permalink**) 30-05-08, 04:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gribble

See, I hate that idea of "the one". There must be a million people out there who would make the perfect match. Otherwise nobody would ever fall in love.

So when I fall for a chick I just remind myself that there are plenty more out there just like her and the moment it starts to get routine, well, it's time to look for the next soul mate.

It's just the laws of probability. There might be a million people out there that would be a near perfect match, but there will ALWAYS be one person that is BETTER suited to be with you than anyone else. One million people aren't the exact same in every single way.