Confused

[Kyocera]

Hi there. I am really confused. I have been in a relationship (gay) for just over a year now. When I met him, I thought it was a dream come true and I had died and gone to heaven, he was good looking, intelligent, comical... the list goes on. Thing is I fell for him badly and become quite attached to him.
About 6 months after that he moved away to go to university and things got a little tough due to the distance between each other and the fact we would be seeing each other half as much as what we were. Then not long after that I discovered by using his phone one day to send a text that he had been texting another bloke and he was being very flirtatious, calling him sexy etc with several kisses on his messages, just like he does to me.
Things got quite icy between us and I then felt the need to check his e-mail account (he has told me the password before) I found naked pictures of himself being sent to this bloke. I almost died when I saw this. I didn't know what to do.
I can't understand for the life of me, how he can say to me that he loves me and that he wants nothing else but me, yet he is doing things like this.
I found it all totally gut wrenching... I feel like a fool, I was thinking that this relationship was going somewhere and that he truly was the person for me but now I think the opposite.
When I checked his e-mail account I noticed he had signed up to several gay dating sites… I couldn’t believe what I saw. Does this mean he is trying to find someone else and then ditch me or is he trying to do stuff behind my back… surely I am never going to find out because I am so far away from him??
I don’t know and I am really really confused. I feel he is playing with my mind, he is telling me all this stuff yet he is doing this online flirting stuff behind my back which totally contradicts.
I look at him in a different light now, I think he is a liar, I do not trust him at all. However I still love him and feel the need to be with him.
It got me down a couple of months ago, to the point where I attended counseling sessions.
Perhaps I am reading too much into this?
Please give me some advice guys

[jinx343]

get out! get out! get out! that's not good or normal anymore.

time to wake up! you don't just "think" he is a liar. HE IS A LIAR. trust is the major recipe in a relationship. without trust, how else could everything be well?

i understand how you feel right now. i've been there myself a couple of weeks ago. but here i am, feeling great. so im sure you will be soon, too.

yes, it's natural to still love the person no matter how much he has hurt you or done things as he has done.. but you can't stay in that situation forever, can you? i know it's killing especially that it seems he's hitting on other guys behind your back.

i dunno but for me, once a person has started to lie to you, he will keep on doing and doing it coz he has alsready lost respect for you.

so why stay in a relationship where you don't feel right, anymore? why want somebody who doesn't want you?

i say, go! leave him. you're worth wayyyyyyyy more than what he's giving you. we all deserve to be happy. smile.. you're not alone.. and you know, you can do it!

[vashti]

I think a lot of males your age find it difficult to remain loyal. Maybe it has something to do with a primitive urge to spread the seed?

It doesn't sound like he is ready for a relationship.

[jinx343]

well.. if some guys cant remain loyal to girls, how much more guys on guys? sorry but that's a sad fact. it's more like a taste of different variety perhaps.

[Pears]

You should not have been snooping around in his email.

Anyways, he isn't interested in you anymore, so you need to move on. You deserve better than to date a dishonest person.

[Illusional]

kyocera, like the phone? oh knife that is.

raverboy

[jinx343]

haha! all i know is kyocera... photocopier /printer.

[Kyocera]

i know i shouldn't hav checked his e-mail but i knew something was goin on. i had a gut feeling and it just confirmed it really. what is quite strange is he has been on these sites checking mail ever since i have met him. what was really strange was he was planning to meet this guy about 4 months after i been with him as an official "boyfriend" but e-mailed him rite at the last minute and bottled out.
i know i deserve better... i have so much to give and want to just be loved. it seems i have to pay such a high price at the moment to get this love. i am scared shitless that if i end things that i will be lonely and have an empty life again.
at one stage i thought rite i need to end this and see whether he begs me and comes running... then i thought wel do i really want him to come running?
what was really confusing was that he e-mailed me last nite a poem saying some shit that he wrote my name in the sky but it blew away, he wrote it in the sand but it washed away so he wrote it in his heart.... forever it will stay. then we had an msn conversation and he kept sayin he loved me, he missed me etc etc. it just confuses me so much

[Kyocera]

oh yeah and it is kyocera after the printer... thats what is on my desk at work lol so thought i would use that... random i know

[jinx343]

kyocera.. that poem is so old, so used and so insincere.

why did you say your life would be empty and lonely if you're gonna end your relationship? you've lived your life well before him. surely you could make it better after him... why? ur not even happy in this situation. so why get stuck in it?

come on now... you can't be with him and really trust him after what you have found out. you will only get more hurt if you'll let it stay for long.

be strong. that's life we all have to move on to find our happiness.

[jinx343]

raver! it's the printer he said! i beat you to it lol

[Illusional]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jinx343

raver! it's the printer he said! i beat you to it lol

that's because both your and his mind isn't versatile like mine. it ranges outside of the box, or from the desk for this matter.

raverboy

[Gigabitch]

Kyo, that's not love. What you're feeling is not love. You're strongly attached, emotionally, but this is a bad, hurtful guy and I think it's actually a crime against love to continue to pursue him. There are better guys out there, really. He's just a lesson you had to learn, not the right guy for you.

[Kyocera]

I’m beginning to think it isn't love. You are right, this person has come along into my life and given me attention, made me compliments etc. perhaps this is what I am hanging onto. Perhaps the love is dead?
I took your advice guys... I found more stuff on his phone to another guy... I thought something was strange as every time I was with him, he would turn his phone off.
I threw the phone at him and told him to **** off and that we are over!!!
He couldn't believe it... I told him to stay away from me, and my family and that he made me feel physically sick just looking at him, knowing that he is doing this stuff behind my back.
He grabbed hold of me so tight I could hardly breathe. He locked me in the bathroom and was crying so much. Once he settled down again, he was on the floor begging me to stay and to not walk out on him.
I couldn't believe the reaction I got. I was expecting him to agree and yeah for us to call it a day.
My battery died that day and I didn't switch my phone on until later that day... he had tried calling me 24 times and sent me a few txt msgs. He said things like he was really sorry for what he has done to me and to us and that he has spent the day crying cos he knows how much he has hurt me.
I thought it over that day so hard. I stupidly decided to take him back but gave him some ground rules... that bloke he was talking to was not to speak to him again, he had to remove himself off these dating sites.
He said yes, he would do anything and that he would make it up to me.

I said to him give me one good reason why I should take you back and he replied simply because he loves me. I said yes but how is it going to make you feel being with me, when you know that you have destroyed all my trust for you. Is love strong enough to keep us together?
He said yes, he doesn’t care and that he hopefully will rebuild this trust.
It has been a week now and things have slipped back to how they used to be.
I saw him at the weekend however I haven’t seen him at all through the week. I have hardly spoken to him either on the phone. Usually he will call and we would chat about the day we have had.
To me this doesn’t seem enough; he is making no effort whatsoever to keep me.
Last night I got so angry because I tried to call him but he was busy… when I did get through to him I just basically told him to **** off.
I want to be in a relationship that satisfies me and have someone that wants to call me and pay an interest in me, not fit me around everyone else and then tell me when I can be seen.
I said things would have to change but they clearly haven’t. It is not what I want but then when I try to call it a day, that is the response I get?


I am totally confused to the max.

[jinx343]

kyo... you said you followed what we said?!?... obviously you havent. you took him back coz u believed what he said. and did it make you happy? obviously not, coz here you are again posting.

you gave him ground rules.. did he keep them? or r u sure he really kept them? how could you know when he could still do things behind your back with just one push of a button on his phone?

really... i dont know how you could ever trust someone who has ultimately disrespected you and broke your trust. he obviously didnt value the trust you have for him, coz if he did, he should have not done those things.

yes, i understand we all want to love and be loved in return. but let's not forget to use our brains as well. weigh things.

i dunno but i really believe that liars will always be liars and cheaters will always be cheaters. he has lied and cheated on you. which shows he has lost respect for you. dont get carried away by mere words... people who are guilty usually say things that they know we want to hear.

your just wasting your time and emotions on him. he doesnt deserve you. you're worth more than how he treats you. make your mind up.