So I have a crush on this girl...

[TSA09]

She sits in front of me in our third period class. Usually she turns around and tries to talk to me (sometimes I talk back), and other times she jokes around with me. But lately she hasn't really been talking to me or anything. Did I mess up any kind of opportunity I had? Need some help, please.

[jinx343]

have you ever had a conversation with her where YOU started it? sounds like she's been always the one to talk to you. loosen up a bit. you can't let the girl do the talking all the time.

[Mishanya]

Lots of opportunities ahead, just show more initiative. Talk about something interesting to her next time. Are you in High School? See if you can add her to your home chat program so you can keep in touch in the evenings.

[boobaa]

Don't wait around. You haven't ever started a talk with her, so what? That isn't an excuse not to do it. You don't even need to be thinking about the likeness of the situation, just ask how she did the test or something. It isn't really awkward at all, she is your classmate, and she sits in front of you. After that, you will need to get to know her.


Now I remember I once waited a girl for three hours just to get to talk to her.. That was in high school, it never went anywhere, that is mostly due to the fact that I lied about myself and so I screwed up. So the moral is: Be honest, then you have nothing to lose!

[TSA09]

The problem is, I'm too shy to start a conversation on my own. But I'll probably ask her to sign my yearbook tomorrow; we got them yesterday.

[lastwish]

I think you would have to force yourself to talk to her despite your shyness. Most girls like guys with initiative.

[GrkScorp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TSA09

The problem is, I'm too shy to start a conversation on my own. But I'll probably ask her to sign my yearbook tomorrow; we got them yesterday.

You: Can you sign my yearbook?
Her: (signs yearbook)
You: Thanks
Her: No problem
You: ???

How does signing your yearbook lead into any conversation piece? How about something like..,

You: You didn't sign my yearbook yet (hand her your yearbook)
Her: (signs yearbook)
You: Oh! You're a girl.., (wait 1-2 seconds).., hmm.., never mind..
Her: (puzzled look on her face.., hands you yearbook back)
You: Actually.., yeah.., what the hell.., as a girl.., do you think guys have feelings?
Her: blah blah
You: You don't have to lie you know.., you can be honest..
Her: blah blah
You: Hmm.., and do you.., as a girl.., feel that guys also want to feel loved and appreciated from time to time?
Her: blah blah
You: interesting.., i'm just asking.., because I was talking about it with someone recently.., how it's always the guy who's expected to go get some $15k+ ring.., get down on his knees.., and ask the girl to marry him.., and there's no problem with that.., but we just thought.., that hey.., wait a minute.., doesn't SHE like this guy too? What is SHE buying him? What is SHE doing for him?
Her: blah blah
You: Well.., that's what one of the other girls we were talking with said.., but isn't the guy doing that too? Already? I think it's almost selfish and unfair to just have that expectation.., and think.., oh well.., he loves me.., that's nice.., i'm satisfied.., that's all that matters.., and not for a second think about how he must feel..
Her: But she's marrying him.., she just said "yes"
You: Yeah.., I know.., but he "asked".., which is HIS "yes".., a "cold" yes.., without even knowing if she would accept or not.., he just told her that he would marry her.., that's more romantic and affectionate than knowing that the other person would marry you.., and just saying "yes" to that too.., that's like you coming up to me to say "hey.., you look good today".., and then me tell you.., "ehh.., you look nice too".., it's not the same..
Her: blah blah.., blah blah.., blah blah.., (get it?)

Do you see how long this one little insignificant topic could have you talking for? It can afford you A LOT more talking time than.., "hey.., can you sign my yearbook?"

More importantly.., it's not about "just talking".., it's about "who you are".., and there's no need to "try" and convey who you are.., just know who you are.., have your own opinion about things.., and let her pick up on who you are.., through the conversation.., (hence.., why it's important to speak & talk.., people who talk more.., date more.., not because there's anything magical about talking itself.., but it's a medium by which character and personality are conveyed.., so know how to keep the conversation going.., NEVER PUSH! "so.., what music do you listen to?".., don't do that sh*t.., I cringe when I hear guys around me do this.., just have interesting and stimulating stuff to talk about.., it's really that simple)

Additionally.., ball-bust.., argue with her.., tell her she's wrong.., challenge her to prove her point.., etc.. All of that just provides an ego challenge that nearly ALL women fall right into.., and get involved in the conversation.., that's ok.., that's where you want her to be.., it's not like you're going to sit there and actually prove her wrong.., if you like proving people wrong.., go to law school.., in real life.., you have to let people feel like they're "right" once in a while.., and with her.., let her argue.., make her point.., prove her case.., offer examples.., and then.., feel like she's convinced you that she's right.., and then agree.., (unless she still reeks of ego.., then keep ball-busting)..

Like you said.., the year is over.., you're talking about yearbooks.., so that means there is no "next year".., so you have to keep the conversation going for "long enough to make a connection.., but quick enough to not feel like you should be going".., 10-15 minutes is fine.., think logistically.., if there are chairs around.., you can afford to sit down longer.., but if you're both standing.., 10-15 minutes is a lot of time.., so work with it..

During the conversation.., dig.., "are you more a facebook or myspace person?".., (her: facebook).., "really? I went of facebook first.., but after my friend showed me myspace.., I like it a lot better.., blah blah".., yeah.., now you know she has a facebook or myspace account.., which means as you're about to leave.., you can do the following:

You: Anyway.., i'm sorry.., but I really gotta go.., thanks for signing my yearbook.., shoot.., I forgot to sign yours.., it's ok.. next time.., facebook me to remind me.., bye

Please.., everything that we talked about.., is just an example.., don't go up to her and recite line-for-line what's on this post.., just try and understand the concepts behind all of this.., that's ultimately more important than any lines.. (for example.., if you're still in class when you're all signing yearbooks.., THINK about what you are going to have to do to be the first one to break the interaction and leave.., while being "sorry" you have to say "bye" and leave.., and THINK about how to go about "e-mail/AIM/etc")

Best,

GrkScorp

[GrkScorp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by boobaa

So the moral is: Be honest, then you have nothing to lose!

Yeah.., that's the most important thing.., there's really NO REASON to be dishonest.., because you know what? If you can't be yourself around her at the end of the day.., or be completely comfortable with no secrets to hide.., then you might as well not even date her.., which means.., you might as well not even bother.., so there's really no point in being dishonest..

An other talking point.., hopefully you'll get a feel of what good & juicy talking points are.., is girl-humor..

I like what D'Angelo had to say about it..,

"A lot of guys think that the nice thing to do.., is to be nice.., that's what guys think.., do you know what women think? I can control this guy.., I tell him I want this.., he gets it.., I tell him to do that.., he does it.., I act upset.., he comforts me.., I act angry.., he shuts up.., I own him.. And i'll tell you something else that's interesting.., when women meet a man who they can control.., they have two options that go off in their mind.., the first one is to run the hell away.., just get as far away from this unattractive nice guy loser wussy wimp as possible.., the second one is.., marry him"

Obviously.., you don't want to use the word "control" or "push-over" (unless she brings it up).., but you can casually mention how you think it's interesting how the one thing that both guys and girls agree on is that they don't like anyone who's "nice".., guys don't like nice girls.., and girls don't like guys that are too "nice".., (it's really ok if you have something more to add to that statement to make it more complete.., that's the point.., to spark conversation)

Then.., you can tease her halfway through.., and say that you definitely don't think you could ever see yourself going out with someone like her.., she's just "too nice".., you see her more as "friend".., and the part I love.., is.., what always happens..

Her: haha! me.., nice.., you're funny.., well.., you're just saying that because you don't know me well enough yet.., i'm not always this nice.., I can be really bad sometimes

(don't be afraid to ball-bust.., just do it.., know when to stop of course.., but don't stop too early.., keep going.., just realize when it's time to stop.., if you stop too soon.., it never gets to the point where it's playful teasing & flirting.., if you stop too late.., it gets to be borderline insulting to her character.., you've been warned)

You: Really? Like what? Did you do something illegal like walk your dog without a leash or something? (laugh) It's ok.., there's nothing "wrong" with being "nice".., I think it's good that you're nice.., you don't want to be a b*tch do you?

Finally.., if she's very attractive.., and you can smell ego on her part from a mile away.., then PLEASE.., PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.., LJBF her.., keep telling her how she's such a nice "friend".., how you like the "friendship" you both have.., it's good to finally meet someone you can be such good "friends" with.., how you just want to be perfectly clear and let her know from now.., that she's "just a friend" ok?

(OK.., what crack is GrkScorp smoking.., and where can I get some? Remember.., the part about smelling ego on her part? If she's secure or worse.., has low self-esteem.., then it should be obvious that this is NOT something you want to do.., but if she is a little full of herself.., either because she's very popular in her class or some 10 desperate losers are chasing her and showering with attention that her ego can almost get a high off of.., then you MUST LJBF her.., it pisses egotistic women off like no tomorrow.., because it brings their ego down from the clouds.., and back to reality.., to them.., it sounds something like this.., "wtf does he mean HE just wants to be friends only with ME? He's not interested in me? Every guy is interested in me.., i'll show him.., i'll fix this.. it won't be long until he likes me too.., and then he'll just be an other member of my fan club")

Am I in a Fake relationship?!?

Best,

GrkScorp

[vashti]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TSA09

The problem is, I'm too shy to start a conversation on my own. But I'll probably ask her to sign my yearbook tomorrow; we got them yesterday.

Ask her if she has any plans for summer, and then tell her about your plans.

[GrkScorp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

and then tell her about your plans.

and on that note.., you might what to actually give your plans for the summer some thought ahead of time..

[Mishanya]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TSA09

The problem is, I'm too shy to start a conversation on my own.

If you can't overcome your shyness, I suggest to forget about the girl.

[Mr Wigglz]

Before I was going out with my gf I once waited for her for 4 hours in a mall and I only moved once to get somthing to eat. She is well worth the wait. if she says she will be 15 mins and turns out to be 1hr don't be angry or depressed. Keep waiting and be happy that she did come. I agree with the above. Talk to her and make sure she knows that you are intersested but don't sound desprit. Don't try to rush things just take it slow.

[GrkScorp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr Wigglz

Before I was going out with my gf I once waited for her for 4 hours in a mall and I only moved once to get somthing to eat. She is well worth the wait. if she says she will be 15 mins and turns out to be 1hr don't be angry or depressed. Keep waiting and be happy that she did come.

The irony is killing me..

You waited an hour for her to come back.., and then again.., 4 hours and only moved to go get something to eat.., and then you go on to say.., "don't be desperate"..

That's all you needed to say.., i'll get back to you on your other thread about sex-less-ness and your gf "not being ready" yet..

Honestly.., no.., when someone tells you they'll be back in 15 minutes.., and they tell you to wait.., you say.., "take your time.., i'll be outside".., if she takes more than 15 minutes.., you give her a call and say.., "are you alright? it's been like 30 minutes and you said you'd be back in 15.., i'm going to ____.., give me a call when you're done"..

Best,

GrkScorp

[TSA09]

Well, I've made some progress - she wrote me her number in my yearbook when she signed last week. Thing is, I'm too nervous to actually call her. Anyone have any tips on how to not be so shy and how to be more social?

[vashti]

pretend to be someone you aren't. (In other words, fake it.)