Broken hearts... help bring two together.

[destinationx]

Here’s a story, a 16 year old girl and boy meet eachother properly for the first time back in September during their first history class of the year, the girl’s a shy shy character but unbelievably pretty at the same time. Boy has absolutely no interest in her whatsoever at the time nor realises she’s actually probably the prettiest girl in the whole school. The boy hates his history class because he got placed in the wrong class and hates the course that they are studying, so he’s real unenthusiastic and slack in history classes. The seating is set and the girl and boy are seated next to eachother for the rest of that fall/winter semester. The boy has love interests elsewhere and pretty much ignores and blanks the girl most of the time not caring about talking or making much conversation partly because he thinks she’s boring, too shy, and a bit ditsy. But a lot of the time the girl began to pluck up courage herself to say ‘hello’ and try say anything to start a conversation like ‘how did you find that test’ etc. The boy honestly didn’t really give a shit at the time nor really cared how he treated or acted around that girl. He’d always be the slack, pissed off bad boy who hated working in class because he found the course so damn boring.

Move forward, to Spring semester, and the two are split up to different seats for the remainder of the year. The boy doesn’t really care at first, but begins to miss the girl’s company and finally starts to appreciate her effort (a very big effort considering how shy she is by nature). The semester passes through relatively undramatically with a tiny amount of random chitchat here and there between the two , but towards the end of spring semester, the boy has some pretty shaggy hair, cool, but shaggy, and needs a cut so he jokingly asks the girl randomly (and really, as a joke, expecting a laugh and a ‘no’) if she would give him a haircut. To which she responds gives a little nod and says in her soft little voice ‘yeah, okay’. The boy is surprised, no, really shocked. Nothing really happens for a while and after a few days it’s pretty much all forgotten, but the boy jokingly carries on ‘when will you give me that cut you promised?’ to which the girl begins to make excuses trying to get out of it by saying how the boy would get angry if she made a mess and recommended other girl friends of hers to do it.

Eventually the boy loses all interest completely, and a week later, during a completely boring history class the boy jokingly begins to do some cheeky winks across the classroom to the girl... purely as a joke. After that class they are going down the stairs and the girl approaches the boy from behind and initiates some conversation saying “hey...”... “when are you getting your haircut?”.. to which the boy responds that another girl would be doing it for him that night. Should the boy have responded by saying: “you tell me? Since you said you’d do it! ”

Well, eventually, the boy begins to gain an interest in the girl again, and this is where feelings truly begin to blossom. He arranges a haircut with her, and has it done one evening into a pretty funny mullet. He decides to walk her back to her girls’ boarding hostel since it is a boarding school in which the conversation is very leaned to the boy doing most of the talking with a bit of joking here and there. The two say goodbye and hug when they reach the door. This could have been prime time for the boy to go in for the kiss, but no, he didn’t out of courtesy and nervousness.
The next day at school, rumours begin to fly around about the two, and some very outrageous ones at that. This is the beginning of the deterioration of whatever feelings either might have ever had for eachother. The rumours begin to eat at the boy and he begins to panic a bit and tries almost ‘too hard’ to try and save the friendship they had started having. He wants to talk things over with her and approaches her in her study (albeit with minimal notice, which may have frightened her) on two occasions to try and talk friendlily and smooth things over again. The girl at this point already has a boyfriend from outside of the school and therefore begins to feel threatened and violated because she thinks that the boy is trying to ask her out. No, this is the exact opposite of what the boy is trying to achieve. He just wants to let their new-found friendship run smoothly again. But the girl doesn’t really give him a chance to move onto serious talk and takes the conversation-starting chitchat as a means of warming her up for asking out.. so she tries to avoid him purposefully by various means such as texting her girlfriends to come meet her. The boy begins to become frustrated and just wants to let her know face-to-face what the situation really is like and that he wants to be good friends despite what other people have been bullshitting to her. The Spring semester is coming to a close and the two never have a proper chance to mull things over face-to-face despite the boy trying to arrange a time to have a proper conversation about things. As a last ditch effort, in the car on the way home at the end of the last day of spring semester, the boy decides to send an SMS message explaining that all he wanted now was to be good friends and leave behind all the awkwardness and tension. The girl replies back by saying “It’s fine, you’ve taken this far too seriously, let’s just leave it now, there was nothing to be said in the first place because it was never awkward. Have a good Easter”... wow, a slap in the face?
And so, the two part ways for Easter holidays, and the summer semester begins... Now, three weeks into the summer semester, neither have said a single word to one another, and the only form of contact is random snippets of eye contact however prolonged they might be. Does the girl still have a boyfriend out of school? Probably.. who knows... but anyways, the boy feels some sexual tension, and the girl might be experiencing the same. This 3-week silence so far has been a awkward for the boy and is still not speaking to her and appears to not even really acknowledge her. Who knew that their ‘friendship’ could have downward spiralled so badly? The boy doesn’t know what to do, and of course the obvious answer is to talk to the girl but can’t bring himself to do it because he believes he must break their silence when ‘fate calls’. What is the girl thinking? What should the boy do? A new girl in the year above has moved into class and sits next to the boy, perhaps this might further damage the relationship between the boy and the girl.

A once shy and sweet friendship has now diminished into a scene of tension and silence. The boy needs to be the one to set things straight and rekindle the flame of their friendship. But he needs your advice. What should his ‘first words’ be? And the follow-up actions?

Thanks

and by the way, this is a real life situation, between me and a girl who I fell in love with for a while

[DarkDwarf]

In my honest, though uneducated opinion, I would abandon this.

If the boy has no interest in a romantic relationship, I see no reason to try to fix (what seems to be) an impossible to fix bridge, especially when there are others all around. The boy needs to break all contact and move on.

[destinationx]

Wow that was negative

The point is that the girl might have had some interest in the boy during the winter semester but the boy had no interest then.

Then as spring came, she had to move seats in class and suddenly it hit the boy: he likes her, and misses her company and regrets not making the most of their time last semester

Now in summer, 3 weeks into the semester, there is not a word said between the two. Right now, wooing her immediately is not the aim, that is not likely to work, but instead to mend their friendship. It's obvious the solution: the boy needs to start speaking again, but his new 'first words' must be irreplaceable ones yet relaxed and easy-going to give a hint that he still wants to be good friends.

Read over my first post in detail, and it'll be clear

[destinationx]

any help would be appreciated so much

[destinationx]

can no one help me? Even though im not jumping into asking her out, i want to at least rekindle our friendship. Things are rotting right now, and i want to break our silence, but what's the best words to say? Remember I just want to be friends with her again to start with.

I get the impression that people won't offer any advice unless i'm trying to properly go out with her. That's not how it works in an environment like my boarding college.

Please, any help would be great

[lastwish]

You can take a playful approach. Like, when you see her, smile and say "oh..look who we have here...Insert her name" and then ask her how things are going, etc

[destinationx]

thanks for that, what other approaches can I take? and anything particular?

In my belief, if you ever once got on with someone, you two can always go back to being that way.

[Gigabitch]

I think you've confused her completely. There's a lot to be said for being straightforward and I can see why she would just give up on trying to make sense of you. You've sent quite a few mixed messages.

Do you want to be friends with her or date her? At this point, I'm not even sure any more, so I can't imagine she could make any more sense of it.

She doesn't want to get burned, and you appear to be a player. What would you tell her to do if she were your sister and came to you with the dilemma of trying to figure out what to do about you?

[destinationx]

the main thing is at the end of last semester, right after that hilarious haircut she gave me, things deteriorated. She got the impression I wanted to ask her out, which I did inside, but held back because she had a boyfriend.

You know when girls are already attached to another guy, they may get uneasy or irritated if they think that another guy is after them. I tried to sort things out with her by trying to find time to have a proper sit down and talk things through explaining i knew she had a boyfriend and just wanted to be friends (for the time being!)

I never got that chance to talk to her as semester ended, and I then decided to text her a explanation/apology of the situation. I basically told her I was sorry that she got involved in such rumours and didnt want to ever hurt her feelings and that i wanted to be good friends with her. She then replied with what she said in my first post above (read bold) basically saying :it was no biggie you took it too seriously, have a good easter.

I felt a bit silly when she texted that.....

BUT... only a few days ago she broke up with her boyfriend. I am thinking this is a good time to break our silence and start talking to eachother again. Should I just simply go up to her after class? It's been 2 months since we last spoke... The only form of communication is occasional random eye contact and glancing. Sexual tension? maybe...

I want to mend our friendship first, and then rekindle the flame we had back in september.

[littlewing]

Walk up to her and say something like "Look, I must have done something that injured you I just wanted to apologise" This might reset things a little bit. If nothing would change you will walk away with a lesson learned and a clear consciousness.

[Pears]

From what I read, I get the impression that you actually want to date her, not be her girlfriend. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Try to avoid her for a while so that she has some space. When you start talking to her again, be very casual. She doesn't think of you as a big deal.

[destinationx]

Ok, so I haven't actually spoken to her in almost 3 months now.

we spend history classes in the same room, and the only form of 'contact' is the occasional bit of eyes catching in a glance.

Is it doing severely more damage to drag on the silence? i hope i've given her enough space already

[kuda]

hey destinationx, Ive been following this since you first spoke about it in your other thread, "the haircut trick".

i think that you have nothing to lose from trying to rekindle things between you guys, you should jst try catching up with her after class and seeing how shes been over the past few months. she might surprise you and be really thankful that you made the first move.

even if things dont get back to where you want them to and you end up jst being friends, and theres nothing wrong with that now is there?

but yeah, i think ya should jst go for it, drop the sexual tension stuff, atleast for now, shes jst broken up with her boyfriend an definitely wont be looking for another serious relationship yet.

but who knows, further down the tracks you might actually get to where ya wanna go with this girl.

cheers
Kuda