childlike turnoff?

[busgirl]

once again, i appreciate the input. im not looking for a father figure for my daughter, i just want the same dating opportunities as any other girl, without being typecasted. thats all. i know it was ultimately my decision to have a kid in the first place, and now i have to face that, its just so hard to be judged before you actually give somebody something real to judge you by.

[sfalexi]

Quote:

its just so hard to be judged before you actually give somebody something real to judge you by.

Which is the reason that I decided to date this girl. I decided to give her a chance to let me get to know HER. SHE might be a great person, and I'll never know if I let it go by.

Although as far as judging goes, she's got one mark against her (as in not being careful to avoid having children). If she WANTED children then I can understand. But if she didn't, then she was careless and stupid about a very important thing, and that is a mark against you. But I'll get to know her and see if she's learned how important (albeit fun, or so I've heard) sex is to worry about.

Alexi

[Ironliftr3]

When I say I'd be hesitant, or even that I would not, date someone with young children, it's not so much that I am judging THEM, as much as making a decision that their having children would make the relationship too difficult. It's an added complication (scheduling dates around baby sitters, or activities around child friendly environments) that you obviously wouldn't other wise have. Dating someone with children just doesn't seem to fit into my lifestyle, but it is not at ALL a reflection on my opinion of the person as an individual.

[sfalexi]

Also a very valid point. Already I have to wait for HER to call me with when she can hang out because she has to wait until someone is there to watch the children. It can be a hassle. But I'll see how it goes right now. It may even pan out that we just can't seem to get together. But maybe it'll pan out ok and we'll be able to get together once a week and I'll be able to find out what kind of person she is.

I've never tried this before so this'll be a first and I'll see how it goes.

Alexi

[Breezy18]

Quote:

Originally Posted by busgirl

once again, i appreciate the input. im not looking for a father figure for my daughter, i just want the same dating opportunities as any other girl, without being typecasted. thats all. i know it was ultimately my decision to have a kid in the first place, and now i have to face that, its just so hard to be judged before you actually give somebody something real to judge you by.

I know it's hard and you are going to find that a lot of guys will judge regardless. For their own reasons. Try not to take it personally. Like Iron says, it's not you that's being judged ultimately, but the situation. But there are a lot of guys out there too, (Alexi for one), who will take the time to get to know you, regardless. Without judgements. If a guy fluffs you off because you have a child, why would you want him anyway, right? I mean, ultimately the child is going to be part of your life forever, so you'll want to involve yourself with someone who can embrace that part of you eventually. I've been there. I understand and I'm rooting for ya girl.