Little ticked off at the ex (just a little ranting from me too) - Love Forum

sfalexi · #1 (**permalink**) 22-04-04, 11:25 AM

Well, the situation (for those who don't know it) is that my ex and I are on a "break" from the relationsihp (hence the use of the 'ex' term). However we still date about once a week because, to paraphrase her own words, "I still want to date you and be with you. And I know that if we don't date I won't have much of a chance of getting you back when I feel I'm ready to commit entirely to you. So let's keep dating, but just casually instead of as close and intimate as we were before."

So this is what ticked me off a bit. She's been conversing with me (for a while) about getting a belly ring. She wants one badly, but is scared about it hurting or getting an infection or something.

So her brother comes home from Florida and stays with her and her father in the house and so his friend stops by to visit. He hasn't seen his friend in three years and the friend doesn't visit the house, only when the brother is over. So she obviously talks to this guy who's her brother's friend. They get to talking and he's also telling her that it's not a big deal to get the belly button pierced.

Now here's where I'm ticked. She calls me up and tells me she was talking to him, and that she asked him if he would go with her to the tattoo parlor to keep her company and just 'be there' while she got it pierced. Here's what I'm thinking . . . So instead of me, her boyfriend of a year, someone she cares about so much being asked to go, she instead asks her BROTHER'S friend, whom she never talks to and HASN'T EVEN SEEN for three years to go with her and keep her company. And to me, that seems a little messed up. Does it not? I'm gonna talk to her about it tonight anyway, and I'll post what she says, but man that upset me. Not that she didn't ask me, but that she CHOSE to ask HIM INSTEAD of me to keep her company and be with her during that change and 'scary time' in her life.

Am I overreacting, or is this messed up? Especially considering that we've talked about the belly ring and I was for it and told her a long time ago that I'd support her in that decision.

Alexi

squirrley · #2 (**permalink**) 22-04-04, 11:30 AM

Youre hurt by it-nothing wrong with that Alexi. I dont see why she wouldnt ask you to go-but maybe she doesnt want you to see her go through it. I did it-and its scary-went by myself. Maybe she wants someone she knows wont be around to tell how she reacted to it.

I wouldnt say anything to her about it. Really-she'll see your acting out of jealousy and youre not-just hurt. LEt her know youre there to support her and if she changes her mind she knows where to find you...keep it totally cool man...this may seem like somthing little to her and not a big deal and to you it is...so you have to refrain from showing any negative feelings about it-youre still in the cooling off stage. You want her to see you as a confident man-not a jealous one. Blow your steam in here-then be the cool headed guy she knows...

sfalexi · #3 (**permalink**) 22-04-04, 11:38 AM

You think that's the best way to go? I already asked her (but not in a jealous way, but sort of in a "Awww! I wanted to go too!" way) that she could've asked me and that I would love to go with her! And told her that she should've KNOWN she could ask me since I told her I was all for it before and was just surprised why she didn't ask me (I can't show you over the net, but I was very careful not to show any jealousy but rather just let her know that I was available too. Kinda like when you find out that someone took someone else to the game because they thought you were busy. Not jealous, just dissapointed that they didn't know you were free that night.)

Any other opinions before she calls? Hurry up! Time's a tickin' and she's gonna call soon!

Alexi

squirrley · #4 (**permalink**) 22-04-04, 11:42 AM

oh shit oh shit-but yea i know that feeling...ok uh ask her when shes going?
or does she know what kind of ring? make small talk of it...youre doing the right thing...
dont say anything else about you going or HIM. She might change her mind. But keep the inquistive about the whole thing to her open...maintain your interest in it with her..

goodluck!!

jane · #5 (**permalink**) 22-04-04, 11:44 AM

I agree too.. not sure if you called already but yeah.. stay calm and poliety ask if you can go?
why not?

sfalexi · #6 (**permalink**) 22-04-04, 11:52 AM

Maybe it'd be best to go to 'help her pick out the ring'?

jane · #7 (**permalink**) 22-04-04, 12:05 PM

you may be... the "guys perspective" is a great angle!

sfalexi · #8 (**permalink**) 22-04-04, 12:07 PM

Not to mention if she's going to get a belly ring, and considering the possibility that she still may end up my girl in the end, I really REALLY want to make sure that I'm going to like it.

jane · #9 (**permalink**) 22-04-04, 12:10 PM

ROFL.. ah yes ... approval should be granted!

peshkunta · #10 (**permalink**) 24-04-04, 06:34 PM

LOL...Why the hell is she telling you this anyway. She obviously likes to watch you suffer. Tell her that you won't be available 'cause you'll be busy doing her best friend.

DuckyWucky · #11 (**permalink**) 25-04-04, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sfalexi

Well, the situation (for those who don't know it) is that my ex and I are on a "break" from the relationsihp (hence the use of the 'ex' term). However we still date about once a week because, to paraphrase her own words, "I still want to date you and be with you. And I know that if we don't date I won't have much of a chance of getting you back when I feel I'm ready to commit entirely to you. So let's keep dating, but just casually instead of as close and intimate as we were before."

Translation = I want to have the option when I go out to get with other guys. However I don't want to lose YOU. I want to have my cake and eat it too, so when I'm done enjoying this, maybe we can pick up where we left off.

She's excercising the "Safety Net Theory" on you. She can go out and meet new guys and hook up because you two aren't official anyomre. However, she knows that you'll still be there waiting to jump back into a relationship. You're on the side when she wants to date someone or whatever. And if she doesn't have someone and she's feeling lonely etc., that's when you two go out and "date" or do boyfriend/girlfriend things. You're the safety net.

Can you not see this?!

Screw her. Be her friend if you want but go out and talk to/date other girls as well. That's exactly what she wants to do, so do it yourself. Have fun and meet new people. Don't ask her if you can join her or whatever. She probably doesn't want you to go or else you'd of been invited anyways.

Do exactly what she's doing, get dates of your own and girls to hang out with.

sfalexi · #12 (**permalink**) 30-04-04, 03:15 AM

Got pointed to the last posts by someone else (internet was down) so here's my response (although I should PROBABLY let sleeping dogs lie . . .)

Quote:

I want to have the option when I go out to get with other guys. However I don't want to lose YOU. I want to have my cake and eat it too, so when I'm done enjoying this, maybe we can pick up where we left off.

Well, she doesn't 'get with' guys because the entire reason for the break is because I was frustrated that she wouldn't 'get with' me. And we made a pact that if we were going to get serious and fool around with anyone else to call the other and let them know so they know not to wait around. Also, it took me months to get ANY action from her so I know some other guy won't do it in a few dates (actually, most guys broke up with HER cause it was taking too long for them to get anywhere).

Quote:

She's excercising the "Safety Net Theory" on you. She can go out and meet new guys and hook up because you two aren't official anyomre.

Without going into too much detail about the reasons for the break, this may or may not be true. All I know is that I trust her enough that she won't go beyond kissing other guys without calling me and telling me that it's "officially over" and it'll be the same with me.

Quote:

You're on the side when she wants to date someone or whatever. And if she doesn't have someone and she's feeling lonely etc., that's when you two go out and "date" or do boyfriend/girlfriend things.

She makes it a point to go out at least once a week because she knows that it's 'outta sight, outta mind' and doesn't want me to forget about her. So it's not a 'lonely' thing.

Quote:

Do exactly what she's doing, get dates of your own and girls to hang out with.

'Tis exactly what I'm doing.

Anyways, update on the situation, the other guy never talked to her again about going with her for the belly ring so I'm assuming it was one of those situations where you talk to someone and tell them, "Yeah definitely we'll go together!" knowing fully in your head that you never will. You know what I'm talking about. "Let's grab lunch together and talk about good 'ol times!" "Yeah! Sure thing!" while both people knowing it won't happen. So this isn't even an issue anymore.

Alexi

squirrley · #13 (**permalink**) 30-04-04, 04:36 AM

Alright Alexi!! Im glad for you-that hes not even around. But it still made you think about things...

keep your wits about ya! Hows the single mom thing? Did you guys go out? Or is that one of those who knows things?

sfalexi · #14 (**permalink**) 30-04-04, 10:10 AM

Meeting up tomorrow Squirrely. Just gonna meet up at a bar (she had promised one of her friends that the first moment she got a babysitter she'd hang out with her so she had to go with her. But she told me what bar she'd be at and said I'm more than welcome to stop by that bar and meet up)

Alexi

squirrley · #15 (**permalink**) 30-04-04, 05:11 PM

COOL VERY COOL!!! youre spreading the household name of ALEXI!!!

Have fun!!!