what is this guy thinking...

[jane]

Hi.. if you have been reading my posts, you know that I have a man. When it rains it pours right? Ok .. so I have been hanging out with this guy from work. He is adorable and was the first person with whom I really made friends wit here in Cali.. so this is my issue.

I could fall in love with this guy. We think alike .. we work alike .. we love the same stuff. I am completely confused. He flirts with me .. and more then .. just "being cute flirt" ya know?

WE do alot together.. SO this is my issue... He has a gf who he says that thier relationship is over and he says he doesnt love her.. I love being with this guy. I have so many completely different feelings about all of this.

He also has made it pretty clear that he could have a physical relationship with me too..

What do i do?
I know the obvious.. he has a gf.. I am looking for validation maybe? I dont know, How do you know if this is hte right guy? WE ARE THE SAME PERSON. I know that if we did fall in love... it could be a forever thing.

I get the impression that he is a relationship kind of guy ya know?

[Ironliftr3]

He has a gf who he says that thier relationship is over and he says he doesnt love her..

Obviously, if she is STILL his girlfriend, love her or not, their relationship IS NOT OVER.


I seem to recall a recent thread by Squirrley, regarding 'getting off the tracks if you see the train coming'. I see that applying here, Jane

[jane]

you know what sucks... she lives in LA and he lives here in San Diego.. HE NEVER SEES her! She wont drive her to see him? ... isnt there a better way?

lol.. I know Im grasping..

[Stolen]

Well... if he leaves his girlfriend for you... what would stop him from leaving you for another girl? If they do break up b/c of a terrible relationship.. it's different... but he might have a habbit of leaving one girl for another... I have a tendency to do that to guys.. I don't mean to... but my heart wanders and I haven't found someone that can change that... even temporarily...
but if you feel it could be a forever thing... you should talk to him about it..

[Ironliftr3]

I agree that the best case scenario is to have some 'down time' between dating people seriously. Otherwise, you also run the risk of being that 'rebound' girl. Or, of him flaking, and running back to his ex.

Either way, not an optimal situation, obviously.

I know this doesn't help your situation, but things to consider.

[jane]

Yeah I know.. I just cant stop thinking about him. He told me the other say how beautiful my eyes were and I jsut melted.. I think he is jsut adorable. I dont know what to do.. I feel like " he is the one" but I also know that I could be obsessing about it too. I just really... really ... really .. like him. ... *sigh* ... this sucks

[sfalexi]

Just don't become the infamous "other woman". With lines like that I think he's really disrespecting the fact that he has a girlfriend. THAT is wrong.

Alexi

[jane]

I have to agree with you about that .. and we talk about his pattern all the time..
I am just really liking him and I have no idea why. I know all the bad stuff ya know? I dont want to be the other woman AT ALL. Its one of those things that I think it would be different if he was with me.. I am so niave when it comes to this stuff.. But I like him.. *pout*

We are two of a kind.. I know that this is not the right place for me.. I mean damn, he has a gf.. I just cant stop thinking about him. I want to be with him .. I want him to be a part of my life ya know?

[sfalexi]

I know that this is not the right place for me.. I just cant stop thinking about him. I want to be with him .. I want him to be a part of my life ya know?

Substitute the 'him's for 'her's and you KNOW jane that I KNOW what you mean!

Alexi

[jane]

yup, I know you get it Alexi...
what are we supposed to do? Pine over people we can never have? I want him to be in my life.. does that mean he has to be my friend and nothing more? .. how much of this is social conditioning and how much of this is real ya know?
( I have just learned what Social Conditioning is and i find interesting.. )

[squirrley]

Jane-someone has come along in your life that has touched you. Obviously he means something to you. BUT-IF she is still involved in ANY way-sweetie you know the deal here. You know how much I care about you-and I dont want to see you get hurt. It doesnt matter how far away she is right now-if they still are communicating then there is still the possiblity of something going on with them.

I dont understand this-HE does these wonderful things for you and yet theres this other situation...remember mine??? YOU DO? Look how that turned out-burned my ass! And remember how much I gave and gave-dont allow yourself to do it.

MAKE DAMN SURE-this is done with them before pursuing and or continuing this with him. I learned a VALUABLE lesson and YOU were with me through every minute of it...take that and think about it. Dont let yourself become second fiddle.

NO MAN is worth letting your self worth go down the shitter...

I want this for you more than you know-but you have to protect yourself here. And I know sweetie just how much he means to you...so somewhere find the strength to deal with it upfront and pay attention to yourself-know whats best for you.

This guy-who knows he could be the one-BUT at the moment things obviously arent what they seem until you two can get things resolved...the right way. One step at a time...baby steps remember??? YOU ARE THE ROCK.