rant on prom night - Love Forum

lastwish · #1 (**permalink**) 22-06-08, 01:26 AM

So...I went to my guy friend's prom last night (not my prom). To my surprise, not only did he bought me a corsage but he bought me a dozen of roses (it was huge because it was heavily decorated). I went on the prom agreeing to be his date for the night but it doesn't mean there was anything romantic going on between us. But once he pulled out the flowers, everyone around us (friends, family, lim driver, etc) automatically assume that we're a couple or something. Everybody kept on making us take pictures (just the two of us) and they were making intrusive comments like "ohh..he's so into you" or "if the limo ride gets a little bumpy, i guess you guys won't mind if you fall on each other" or similar comments. I know they don't intend to cause harm because they were just trying to be happy for me but then it makes me so uncomfortable when they're making those stupid assumptions about us (me and my guy friend). My guy friend is probably one of the nicest person around but I never thought of him more than a friend.

He was being really nice to me the whole night, holding out chairs for me, getting me drinks, complimenting me about how great I look(maybe a little too much), and wanted me to be in his prom photo (each guest gets one free professional photo from the prom event) while I had mine with just myself. It started making me believe that maybe he does have a crush on me. I don't want to ever hurt his feelings but I just don't feel any attraction for him. I don't want to avoid him either like he's some kind of pest either because he's not a pest...he's a really nice guy. I'm already prepared if he was to think we can be anymore than friends. I'm going to be honest with him because he deserves it. And I'm not going to care too much about what other people think (its really none of their business anyway and plus i know they don't intend to do harm). I just want to rant about it to get it out of my system. With that aside...the things were great. The prom location was beautiful, I love my dress, took some nice pictures, and the music was great.

shh! · #2 (**permalink**) 22-06-08, 01:31 AM

Did you allow him to pay for this date? Because if you did, that was a BIG mistake. Proms are very expensive as far as kid dates go, and you shouldn't allow a boy to spend so much money on you if you have no romantic interest in them. The time to have clarified there is no romantic interest on your part was BEFORE you accepted the invitation, not afterwards.

If he paid for this date, you should reimburse him.

misombra · #3 (**permalink**) 22-06-08, 01:35 AM

so, you're upset because he showed you a good time at his prom?

lastwish · #4 (**permalink**) 22-06-08, 02:02 AM

no...I'm not upset at anyone...because he was nice for what he did. I'm just scared that he might like me more than a friend.

Yes, he did pay for the date. He was willing to pay for it and I already clarified it with him that we're friends. He told me a prom event is a social event with dinner and dance and thats all. Yes...I am feeling guilty about him spending so much on it. He keep on telling me its alright. So i don't know...i guess i just went along. I'm definately going to repay him by giving him back gifts for holidays but do you think its my duty to pay him back for every cent?

misombra · #5 (**permalink**) 22-06-08, 02:13 AM

no, but i don't think you should think of it as a bad thing, what happened. you still don't know what it meant. he hasn't said anything, right?

i say you just change your thinking. you had a nice time and he was a good, polite date. it doesn't mean you have to date him now.

if he says something, you can tell him you had a great time but you're not interested in dating and went as a friend.

you don't have to repay him. prom only happens once, and he did a good job trying to do it right. be happy about that.

shh! · #6 (**permalink**) 22-06-08, 05:26 AM

If you clarified that you weren't interested in dating him before the prom, then there isn't any reason to feel bad.

I would have paid for my own ticket, though. It helps to keep the boundaries clean.

DoesntMatter · #7 (**permalink**) 22-06-08, 06:02 AM

Post the pics lastwish! I wanna see

Gribble · #8 (**permalink**) 22-06-08, 07:00 AM

What's wrong with him? Not attractive enough? Not cool? You'd rather date a guy who'll treat you like complete shit? You're lucky a guy like that's interested in you. But like most decent, caring high school aged guys, the little girls ignore him in favor of idiot pricks.

IndiReloaded · #9 (**permalink**) 22-06-08, 07:16 AM

You don't have to date him, but I'm tending to agree with Gribble.

Don't be so quick to crush this guy. B/c I have a feeling that's what your "honesty" will mean.

He sounds REALLY nice. You don't want to hear this now, but I'm betting this guy will be the sort you WISH you had dated about 10 years from now.

What *I* would do, is reciprocate the date. DON'T offer to pay him back for the prom, he sounds a bit old-fashioned. So he will be offended & probably won't take it.

Ask him out on a date. Yes, I mean it. Take him to dinner & mbe a local music event. It doesn't have to be expensive. Then, when you are alone, TALK to him about the prom & what is happening b/t you two. Try to be sensitive to his feelings. Tell him how you think he's a great friend. DON'T immediately tell him how you could never be interested in him 'that way' b/c, honestly, I don't think you really know that at this point.

The most elegant way to deal with this kind of thing is to hook him up with one of your friends, if you can swing it.

Don't kill a friendship with a nice guy just because his *potential* feelings are making YOU uncomfortable. That's your problem to figure out.

I know you're young, so this will be hard for you to think about, but please do so. Hope this helps.

1averagejoe · #10 (**permalink**) 22-06-08, 07:32 AM

He sounds good for you...your friends and family obviously thought so.

I found in my last relationship, although it ended terribly, that once you really get to know them as a partner the physical aspect of the relationship becomes irrelevant and you can overlook that part. Kind of like, on the outside she may be a 10, but once you get to know her she turns into a 5. Another girl may be a 6 on the outside, but once you get to know her she turns into a 10.

Sure you may not be physically attracted to him, but I'll tell you, as long as they aren't butt ugly, personality takes the cake. Just because mr. football quarterback is hot and you like him, chances are he'll be a tool and treat you like crap. This guy sounds really sweet. Don't jump to any conclusions about you not being attracted to him yet. Guys like this are rare to find, especially in high school.

Give yourself some time to analyze this and think about if you might really like this guy and be willing to give him a shot at a relationship. If you're willing to try, take him out on a date like mentioned before. Don't offer to pay your part for the prom, he will more than likely find it very uncomfortable and take offense to it. I would refuse it if a girl did that after prom. She'd have to pin me down and pull my wallet out of my pocket and put it in there and run off for me to accept that.

Just think about this situation and decide if you want to take the guy out on a date. If not, like you said, he deserves for you to be honest with him. Sit him down, ask him what happened at prom, slowly bring up if he has feelings for you because of everyone mentioning it. If he does, set him down easy. He sounds like a sweet guy, and it's going to hurt that you rejected him no matter how you word it, but be sensitive.

IndiReloaded · #11 (**permalink**) 22-06-08, 07:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1averagejoe

She'd have to pin me down and pull my wallet out of my pocket and put it in there and run off for me to accept that.

Exactly. I expect most guys would feel this way.

boobaa · #12 (**permalink**) 22-06-08, 07:52 AM

You have never thought about possible relationship because you have always seen him as friend. But actually you like him if you just allow the thought of intimately being with him to come into your head.

DoesntMatter · #13 (**permalink**) 22-06-08, 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1averagejoe

She'd have to pin me down and pull my wallet out of my pocket and put it in there and run off for me to accept that.

Lastwish can pin me down any day of the week

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gribble

What's wrong with him? Not attractive enough? Not cool? You'd rather date a guy who'll treat you like complete shit? You're lucky a guy like that's interested in you. But like most decent, caring high school aged guys, the little girls ignore him in favor of idiot pricks.

A lot of girls in high school do have this attitude but I don't think lastwish is like that at all. She's been far more receptive to this guy than almost any other girl would be

Just because some guy is nice and everything, that doesn't make you want to date him

lastwish · #14 (**permalink**) 24-06-08, 12:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded

He sounds REALLY nice. You don't want to hear this now, but I'm betting this guy will be the sort you WISH you had dated about 10 years from now.

Ask him out on a date. Yes, I mean it. Take him to dinner & mbe a local music event. It doesn't have to be expensive. Then, when you are alone, TALK to him about the prom & what is happening b/t you two. Try to be sensitive to his feelings. Tell him how you think he's a great friend. DON'T immediately tell him how you could never be interested in him 'that way' b/c, honestly, I don't think you really know that at this point.

The most elegant way to deal with this kind of thing is to hook him up with one of your friends, if you can swing it.

Don't kill a friendship with a nice guy just because his *potential* feelings are making YOU uncomfortable. That's your problem to figure out.

He is a really nice guy. Thats why I don't want him to get hurt because of me. However, I really don't think I like him more than a friend at this point. I have zero physical attraction for him. And I really mean it. With a lack of physical attraction I don't think a romantic relationship would work at all.

Yes, and I agree with you, Indie I do not want to kill the friendship. Thats why I'm trying with all I can to not let this little happening affect our friendship.

I have actually mentioned to him before about hooking him up with a friend. He always says "no thanks".

Quote:

Originally Posted by boobaa

You have never thought about possible relationship because you have always seen him as friend. But actually you like him if you just allow the thought of intimately being with him to come into your head.

Uhhh...no. That thought is just wrong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DoesntMatter

Post the pics lastwish! I wanna see

Sorry DM. I don't want anyone I know coming across Loveforum and know all my secrets.

DoesntMatter · #15 (**permalink**) 24-06-08, 12:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lastwish

Sorry DM. I don't want anyone I know coming across Loveforum and know all my secrets.

Awwww

I feel the same way though. That is also partly why I blurred out the faces of people in pics with me, because if one of my sisters or cousins friends saw them eventually my internet anonymity would be lost