He lied, now what?? - Love Forum

Outcast · #1 (**permalink**) 15-05-04, 12:26 AM

I just found out last night that my BF has been lieing to me for the past 3 weeks about getting fiered. A little background, I'm 24 hes 28, we live together and been together for 6 months.
He told me he wanted a better job and took afew days off to look for one.... got one... lied about asking me for advice on how to quit and handle the people from his old job(he lied elaboratly) and stuff like that.
I told him when we first started dateing that lieing, big or small, was an instant deal breaker with me (along with any kind of physical violence, cheating, stealing from me and mistreating my cats). I hate liers. I'v been lied to alot in my past and it makes me sick. He knows I am an extreamly understanding person and would never get upset about such a thing. He's lost 2 jobs since I knew him, and I never batted an eye at it.
I asked him what the heck he was thinking to lie to me, and the typical male responce I got was "I wasnt thinking I geuss".
I cant live with a lier, and now I question anything he ever told me. I wonder if hes lied before. In my opinion a person can not respect or trust someone they lie to, so if he doesnt respect or trust me whats the point in being with him.
I feel I should leave, but don't want to at the same time. Hes been so good to me otherwise. We are having a really tough time now (before the lie) but I decided to stick it out. I also have literly no where to go. But hes a lier and I can't handle that. Please help!

dragoon · #2 (**permalink**) 15-05-04, 01:02 AM

It sounds like you know what you need to do, it's just hard to. I agree with you though, lying is a deal breaker. It suggests a lack of trust, respect, and can even suggest the persons intentions are not what they claim to be.

BillyGalbreath · #3 (**permalink**) 15-05-04, 04:06 AM

Hmm... whats that motto of sfalexi's ? I think that comes into play here - Leave him if you feel you cant trust him - A relationship should be mainly built on trust - A relationship without trust is like a home without a foundation - it just falls apart quickly over time.

Outcast · #4 (**permalink**) 15-05-04, 05:45 AM

I am so confused, deep down inside I don't want to lose him. Even though I am very angry and betrayed that he lied. Basicly I don't know what to do. Is what he did considered ok in most relationships? What would the "right" thing for me to do be?

BillyGalbreath · #5 (**permalink**) 15-05-04, 05:48 AM

The right thing would be to leave...

Exodus · #6 (**permalink**) 15-05-04, 07:59 AM

I dunno... I think that sometimes men get ashamed of themselves when they lose jobs or can't support their spouses... so they turn to the only thing that they have left, their last instinct, to just play it off and try to hold it together. It doesn't make sense, thats true... but sometimes when you are so down about it you just don't want to tell the other people. It makes you feel so low, even if they know that the other person won't treat them bad because of it, it's still hard for them to actually say it, its like they're a failure. I think that you shouldn't leave him over something like this. If it was lying about cheating or something like that then I'd say yes... but this is just a male pride type of thing. It's all we have. Thats just my point of view though. Take it how you will.

Edit: and reading that again.. you said he has already lost 2 jobs? He probably thinks that if he would have lost another one you'd think he wasn't good enough for you. Once or twice is bad enough, but after that it starts to get to the point where if it happens again, you really start to feel bad and like your going to lose everything if it gets out. Anyways, I'm done now.