the dreaded "break" - Love Forum

jfett85 · #1 (**permalink**) 28-04-04, 10:21 AM

My girlfriend and I had this long discussion . Not an argument, just a discussion. Lots of things were brought up, discussed, not necessarily solved.
So now we're on a "break" for a while. Still keeping all the plans we already have (my aunt's wedding, those kind of things), but I guess we're not technically boyfriend/girlfriend for a while.

She says she would definitely think about getting back together, though she's not sure when that time will come. So here's my question - am I screwed?

Is it time for me to start looking again? Or should I just try to re-evaluate myself and prepare for the mend?

In conclusion - this sucks.

Kirsty · #2 (**permalink**) 28-04-04, 10:59 AM

Thats a toughie, to be honest I think these "temporary" breaks are no good! Theres obviously a problem(s) and it needs to be sorted NOW, not put off. So I think another discussion is needed, and you have to sort out whether this relasionship is gonna work, or if friendship is the proper path! Now she says she 'thinks' she will give this another shot... thats not fair, the only reasons I can think she said that are:
* she doesnt know what she wants herself
* she doesnt want the relasionship to continue, but doesnt know how to tell u
* she genuanly believes that, and needs to sort things out
My advice then is this, talk and sort this out, its not gonna solve itself, if u get together after a break, its only a matter of time before you need another break? you need to make a decision ASAP. like I said i'm not a fan of these breaks, so maybe it is time to move on... best of luck to whatever happens, and hope ive helped!

bluesummer · #3 (**permalink**) 28-04-04, 01:22 PM

(shudder) the cursed break.

The way I see it is, its fence-sitting. Either stay together or break up. If you break up and decide to get back together later, that's cool. From the way you have told things, it sounds like she's the one who wanted the break. If thats the case, then she's treating you like a back up plan. If she can't decide whether she wants a relationship with you or not, she should let you go to do your own thing while she sorts her head out. Don't wait around for her to make up her mind.

IceQueen · #4 (**permalink**) 28-04-04, 01:28 PM

Break up and cancel plans.

jfett85 · #5 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 02:55 AM

bluesummer - that's an interesting point of view. i want it to be that easy but I just dont think it is. Yea, she's the one that wanted the break, no doubt about that. but she acts like this is hurting her as much as its hurting me. i'm not sure if it's me she's upset with or just the situation we're in. and about me going off and doing my own thing - I don't want that. i want to stay together and I don't know how to move on.

Nowoonder · #6 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 03:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jfett85

I don't want that. i want to stay together and I don't know how to move on.

If that is what you want, your best chance is to take a chance. Don't go running after her. From time to time let her know (in some unintrusive way) that you are still expecting (and wanting) her to come back to you. But don't beg (never helps), don't rush her (maybe she really needs some time?).

I've been on the other end of this "game". If my g/f had acted differently (begged/rushed me/lost contact) I would have acted defensively immediately. And I would have broken up with her for real. BTW I'm happy I didn't

Stolen · #7 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 03:26 AM

I agree that you should totally talk to her and tell her how you feel, don't lay your heart out in front of her, just tell her that you don't want a break and want to make things work. Be honest and open, even if you end up getting hurt- it's worth knowing than having to guess. And if things DO go badly... you CAN move on. There are plently of other people out there that are worth your time. But that's not to say that she's not worthwhile. Do you know WHY she wants the break? If not, ask her... and if she doesn't want to be with you anymore and it was an easy letdown or something... cancel all your plans. It's not worth it- putting urself thru all that... But talk to her!! GOOD LUCK!!!

bluesummer · #8 (**permalink**) 29-04-04, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nowoonder

If that is what you want, your best chance is to take a chance. Don't go running after her. From time to time let her know (in some unintrusive way) that you are still expecting (and wanting) her to come back to you. But don't beg (never helps), don't rush her (maybe she really needs some time?).)

Yeah, exactly. My bf and I just 'broke up', and we don't know if its permanent, but at least we chose to just end it. I still want him back, so I give him his space, don't push him to get back together....I just let him know from time to time the future still holds possibilities........ But none of this 'break' stuff. Its too mentally draining. At least Im not sitting around dreading the day he might actually 'break up' with me.