Urgent Advice Needed - Love Forum

RES741CUE · #1 (**permalink**) 09-07-08, 02:27 AM

I have been in a very close relationship for 1 year, 9 months which ended last Thurs (july 3). we have had minor arguements as any couple would. i lost my temper verbally only a few times during the relationship. we went to the beach together 2 weeks ago which went great but we had an arguement when we got home that day. she is completely able to forgive but she says its hard for her to forget. we then talked about our relationship that evening. since then she says she has been feeling sick and stressed i feel partly becuase she was talking about ending our relationship. We came to an agreement that we would continue to go out for the summer sort of as a trial period and make a decision in late august. for the past 2 weeks it has been great as i made an effort to watch my temper and make a concious change and we have had no arguements. then the tables turned.

she called me on the phone the night of the 3rd as she was traveling out of town with her family saying she had been thinking and wanted to end the relationship. she said she had been feeling sick and stressed for the 2 weeks since the last arguement. i asked y she would want to break up w/o giving it time, however she said she had made her decision and needed space alone at the moment. she said it was so hard to break up because the past 2 weeks were great and she sees i have changed.

we both love each other greatly. we text and talk constantly and see each other nearly everyday. since the break up, i have not heard from her and she said she would call me when she was ready. she wants to be friends and still hang out in the future. i am almost positive that the relationship would be different on a second go around based on what has happened now. i know i need to give her space but its very hard since we were so close, any advice?

IndiReloaded · #2 (**permalink**) 09-07-08, 02:33 AM

Give her space. Putting pressure on her will only push her further away.

Try to keep busy with other things.

RES741CUE · #3 (**permalink**) 09-07-08, 04:29 AM

i know have have to keep myself occupied, its just hard when you've been that close.. anybody else??

Cain · #4 (**permalink**) 09-07-08, 04:34 AM

Definitely. Give her the space she needs... trust me.

The same situation regarding space happened to me. Within the first three months of my current relationship, we broke up a few times... and each time was because we needed space. I didn't give her the space and things got worse. The final time, at the end of the three months, we broke up for good. She tried convincing herself she didn't want or need me. I thought it was over, so I stopped contacting her.

Three weeks later... she tells me that she needs me in her life and that she was just trying to convince herself otherwise. It has been nine months since we got back together and things have been amazing since. So, maybe all your ex needs is time alone to think about this relationship. Don't contact her unless she contacts you. She might realize she needs you in her life.

RES741CUE · #5 (**permalink**) 09-07-08, 07:54 PM

thanks cain and aegis, cain i can definately understand where you are coming from and am hoping this works out the same way for my relationship as well, she is very needy and indecisive therefore always depended on me to make decisions.. we'll see what happens, thanks again

TrulyS · #6 (**permalink**) 10-07-08, 01:32 AM

You know that old cliche 'if you love someone set them free...' well this (un)wise old woman thinks you need to take some note of this in this case.

I know you must be feeling awful (believe me I've just been through this) and its so hard as you have such strong feelings for her you just want to be with her so much it hurts.

If you don't give her the space she will not thank you for it and it could drive you apart forever. If you give her this time that she needs whatever happens will happen. You can't change her mind if she decides to end it but by giving her the chance to think you have shown her that you respect her feelings and she may just decide she really cant live without you in her life.

My heart goes out to you and I hope it works out for you both. Be strong.

TS

celestina · #7 (**permalink**) 12-07-08, 06:18 PM

Once she's seen a side of you that she hates, it will be the only thing she sees in you from that point on.

Cain · #8 (**permalink**) 13-07-08, 01:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by celestina

Once she's seen a side of you that she hates, it will be the only thing she sees in you from that point on.

That's not true. In a relationship, most everyone will have one episode where they or their partner hates the side shown but it doesn't mean it will always happen like that. I know that from experience.