...Chain Reaction... - Love Forum

MadKat · #1 (**permalink**) 10-07-08, 12:38 PM

This could be a long post, so please bear with me.

A quick history, my ex (lets call her Y) broke up with me on May 21, i was heartbroken and mad, at least i did expected that going to happen due to her insecurities of her own thinking. It drives me crazy that time with her, 1 day loves u, tmr doesnt want to be with you thinking. She's 22. I'm 30.

1 month passed, we din contact each nor msg even in msn. Then i came to know a girl (lets call her S), she's 22 too

. I flirt with her, and she fell in love with me (I can confidently say if I want to find a mate/partner, it is not a difficult task but to fall in love, that is totally another side of story

). S now consider me as her bf, she would do anything for me if i wanted her to.

Before I met S, i thought I already forgotten about Y. I dont even had dream about her nor think about her as often. Then when S came along, I thought S could help me speed up forgetting Y and I can continue to love S. (I know this is selfish

) Then S, declare that I'm her bf like 3 weeks ago. We did like what a normal couple do.

Until......we had sex. The moment we are doing it, the memory of Y came crushing in me. Believe it or not, I din even finish...I was so down. From there onwards, my perspective towards S is totally different. I'm not who I am when she first met me. I know this is not fair to S, so i took the courage to tell her what had happened. Then I ask her to gimme more time cuz i havent forgotten Y, if she can accept it then it is fine.
Then Y and I start to contact back, we went out for a drink. From her body language and speech, she still loves me but don dare to start again. That is the message i can read from her.

Now i realise that i din forgotten about Y at all. My soul is with her all the time. When I went out for a drink with her, I can feel my soul and love. When I went out with S, i can only feel...my body.

So now, dear readers and advisors, put urself in this situation. What would you do?

miSSleepy · #2 (**permalink**) 10-07-08, 12:42 PM

Well you should obviously not start anything with S. Without knowing anything about why you broke up with Y, all I can suggest is leaving both girls alone until you sort yourself out.

MadKat · #3 (**permalink**) 10-07-08, 04:24 PM

i am sorting myself out at this moment...juz looking for more option.

I'm going to speak to S in these few days time...that we should juz be friends.

Now another thing is, should I or shouldn't I, chase back Y.

Cain · #4 (**permalink**) 10-07-08, 08:24 PM

Well, the first thing you should do is run your posts through spell check. Considering LF has a spell check built into the reply box, I'm not sure how exactly you missed those red dotted lines.

Anyways, you need to stop going after these younger girls. You're at different stages in your lives and it seems like you are attracted to these girls 8 years younger than you.

Why exactly did your ex break up with you?

MadKat · #5 (**permalink**) 10-07-08, 08:45 PM

lol...i was typing like text message. As long as the reader can understand.

I'd spoken with S, she can accept it better than I imagine. 1 problem settled...

About Y, to answer Mr Cain question, i don't have the exact answer and I don't expect to have the actual answer myself. What I can guess is, she's not "steady" yet. I may be too clingy at that times, and the last thing she wanted is a clingy "husband" type guy. Another reason is peer pressure from her mum, asking her not to get married so young, and as I said, I'm the "husband" type of guy...

I guess that's the reason why she broke off with me, not cause out of love.

The age is not a matter. It is not i purposely go after the much younger girl, it is the attraction. If I look as old as I am, do you think I can attract those young girls? To be fair, i have no attraction to those girls same age as me as well. The engine just cant start...

Back to the question, should I or shouldn't I...chase Y back...

Cain · #6 (**permalink**) 10-07-08, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MadKat

The age is not a matter. It is not i purposely go after the much younger girl, it is the attraction. If I look as old as I am, do you think I can attract those young girls? To be fair, i have no attraction to those girls same age as me as well. The engine just cant start...

Trust me, some women would date you even if you looked 50. But you need to worry that if you can't be attracted to someone that's your age now, it's going to be worse as you get older. Whether you like to hear it or not, she's too young for you right now. If it works, fine, but you should really try to find someone closer to your age if you want a stable relationship. You're at the settling down age... she isn't.

MadKat · #7 (**permalink**) 12-07-08, 02:14 AM

Just to update
I already decide...keeping both as friends only.
I have to sort myself out.

Another hurt is the last thing i need now...i need to find back my 'soul'

clearskies · #8 (**permalink**) 12-07-08, 05:29 AM

Madkat: Let me tell you something my ex is doing the same thing, which I do not see it right or moral at all. I mean talking to women for a relationship while it is just a matter of wasting time or a failing trial to forget someone else.
Once someone had a breakup, he opens a free msn/yahoo account or subscribe to matching websites to find an online partner. It does not turn to be a real relationship even if they met, but a pain killer while he still has the disease or the virus in his blood. S is this Panadol Extra tablet while you have not put an end to your Y relationship. Better try looking for a good friend rather than a girl friend at this time. Things will heal up with you after sometime but no need for victims by the side. Please, do not think you are an old guy... you are young and deserve a good chance after you know what you really want.

MadKat · #9 (**permalink**) 12-07-08, 11:59 AM

yeah...clearskies, u got me there.

But i have no intention to treat S as a painkiller or medicine to cure my wounds. The memories of Y didn't flash over me for sometime before I start with S, but the moment S and i started, all the memories i had with Y came crushing on me. I can't go on anymore.

I realise the mistake i did. It is not fair to S, nor me, nor Y. Now i start seeing Y back, no doubt i still have feelings for her, but i felt this is the best way for me to get back my lost 'soul' which has been sticking with her all this while. If you get what i mean...

clearskies · #10 (**permalink**) 12-07-08, 11:44 PM

Your words are so touching and I got what you mean because I have been through three or more painful trials to get my life back with my ex but never succeded, simply it did not work out and I gained nothing but more sorrow and pains as well as deep regrets. I started to believe that once a relationship is broken, it is broken forever and one can never get it back the way it was. If you faithfully tried, you might be back for a shortwhile then old problems enriched with bad memories will float to the surface and act to break again this relation. I hope your trial will be more successful than mine. Forget what I said, it was a painful personal experience which I hope doesnt deter you from getting back to ur love.

MadKat · #11 (**permalink**) 13-07-08, 02:33 PM

clearskies,
What i mean is i start seeing Y back, but just as a friend status. We are almost impossible to get back together...and I'm very afraid of getting hurt again.
What I'm doing now is by seeing her, I can felt peace of mind, and from there, I can feel my 'soul'.
So i hope to get back what it was once belong to me...

The other night, she ask me whether I am sure I only can be as friend. I reassure her...we won't get any higher from there.

It is tough to hide my feeling, but I know she is also.

Wish me luck...

clearskies · #12 (**permalink**) 13-07-08, 06:44 PM

I do really wish you good luck with what you really want w/o any hurt for anyone...