How to keep ex-husband at a distance?

[younglady50]

I have been divorced for 14 years. I took my ex back 3 times in the beginning because we had children. He was unfaithful at the time. He is still with the same woman. I have moved on and have a man of my own of 12 years.

My ex always wants to rekindle the relationship. He believes that I loved him so much during our marriage that there is no way that I cannot love him now. This man has got to get a life.

My question is, our daughter is getting married out of state. My ex, son, mother-in-law will be attending the wedding. Already, my ex is starting to reminice about the past and how we should get back together again. Mind you, he lives with his girlfriend.

How do I keep my distance with this man at the wedding? I know there will be times, like taking pictures and such where I have to stand by him, but other than that, what can I do? If you give this man an inch of encouragement, he will take a yard.
Any ideas?

Thanks

[shh!]

Is your boyfriend going to the wedding? He should.

[younglady50]

No, my bf is not attending. He has no one to watch his dog while he would have been away.

[younglady50]

I will be having a separate reception for my daughter and her husband to be when they come home. My boyfriend and ex will be present for that occasion.

[shh!]

You should kennel the dog. This is your daughter's wedding. Honestly, if your man finds it more important to stay at home with his dog than to attend this kind of life event with you, I can see why your ex believes he has a chance with you.

Anyway, it sounds like your ex is just a pest. Unless he is mentally ill, this is just a matter of you setting boundaries. (Is your ex mentally ill?) And why are you inviting your ex to a separate party if he is such a pest?

[Cain]

I can guarantee that if my gf's ex (who was an asshole) was going to be somewhere where my gf would be, I'd be going with her. Having to watch the dog is a piss poor excuse in my opinion when there are options available... like kenneling the dog.

It's obvious that your ex isn't listening to you when you tell him to f*ck off... so honestly, you bf should help you deal with this situation now. I agree with him not interfering in the beginning since you need to be able to handle these things, but if it isn't working, he should step in.

[someonelse]

Does his girlfriend know? You should tell him if he continues you'll tell her. And if he does then tell her.

[Cain]

Quote:

Originally Posted by someonelse

Does his girlfriend know? You should tell him if he continues you'll tell her. And if he does then tell her.

I don't think he really cares since he's trying to get into another relationship.

[younglady50]

I would love the pest to stay back and not attend but we will be going halves on everything, plus his daughter wants him there. So, I can't play the resentful, bitter ex who refuses to have him attend family functions. I have to be bigger than that. And for once he is contributing to something. He never has in the past, and I have always had to foot the bill.

To get the message into his thick skull, I will repeatedly say, "I am the mother of your children, I am not your girlfriend, nor your mistress. You are nothing to me and I am nothing to you." He doesn't seem to like it when I say it repeatedly. So, I guess I will be speaking those words many times over.

[Cain]

Quote:

Originally Posted by younglady50

I would love the pest to stay back and not attend but we will be going halves on everything, plus his daughter wants him there. So, I can't play the resentful, bitter ex who refuses to have him attend family functions. I have to be bigger than that. And for once he is contributing to something. He never has in the past, and I have always had to foot the bill.

To get the message into his thick skull, I will repeatedly say, "I am the mother of your children, I am not your girlfriend, nor your mistress. You are nothing to me and I am nothing to you." He doesn't seem to like it when I say it repeatedly. So, I guess I will be speaking those words many times over.

Why doesn't your current bf do anything?

[shh!]

Quote:

Originally Posted by younglady50

I would love the pest to stay back and not attend but we will be going halves on everything, plus his daughter wants him there. So, I can't play the resentful, bitter ex who refuses to have him attend family functions.

Who said anything about playing a bitter, resentful ex? I was hoping more for emotionally-detached ex. After all these years, that is where you SHOULD be by now (rather than the hand-wringing worried ex).

Have you tried saying "your advances are unwelcome"? Honestly, I don't understand not being able to get the message across. I have never had a problem letting people know EXACTLY what I think, both verbally, and in the way I look at them. Perhaps your body language and words are giving conflicting messages.

[Southern_Bella]

I ran into a similar problem with my ex. The man couldn't comprehend rejection if I was in any way polite or ladylike about it. If your bf isn't going to help you resolve this, you're going to have to be blunt and handle it yourself. You can take Cain's advice, and just tell him point blank to f*ck off, or ask him if he has a mental problem that prevents him from understanding that it's over and you don't want him. Be firm, however you decide to phrase it. Good luck to you.

[Mishanya]

Pretend he doesn't exist and just ignore him.

Easy.

[Illusional]

put it frankly and very very brutally honestly... f*ck off because you've moved on and found someone better.

raverboy

[naoki322]

Quote:

Originally Posted by younglady50

No, my bf is not attending. He has no one to watch his dog while he would have been away.

can't he just....crate the dog? it won't die. It's your daughters wedding.