I need help, Please

[hurt and shamed]

I am married w/2 kids and love my wife dearly, over the past 4 months I have seen a change in her. She was alive, loud, confident and interested in sex. Now I found out she was having an emotional affair. I know that it never got beyond kissing and she broke it off before I found out. I gathered evidence and I confronted her and she admitted it. She told me that he lit something in her, made her feel sexy and like a woman, not just a mom and wife.

My problems are as follows:

She still sees the guy occasionally at work, and him still lurking out there bothers me.

I want to confront him, but she wishes I wouldn't because of the embarrassment.

How do I trust her again, she seems upset but only because of the inconvenience, she is not being as tender or reassuring as I would like and I am for the first time very needy of her love.

Part of me is thinking that if she cant be here for me now in my time of need, perhaps I should get out of this.

[Diablodoc]

Do you trust her? Do you know what she feels? Does she love this man? Does she not? Find that out.

Then the question is, can you live with it?
If she, let's say, loves the other man, can you live with it? Do you want to live with a woman who loves someone else?

And on the other hand, if she doesn't love him, will you then forgive her?

It all depends on how much you love her, and what you are willing to do for her.

In my case, if it was just a short affair, and nothing serious happened, I may have forgiven her. If I love her that much, and want to stay with her.

But if I had an unstable relationship with her, and she was serious about her other "relationships", etc etc.. for example, if she was cheating on me, and she really loved those other men.
Then I would perhaps not forgive her. Because I couldn't trust her. And because I feel it's not worth living with somebody that loves someone else instead.

All you gotta do is, find out whether she loves him or not. Find out how much and details around it. Then find out if you can live with it. If not, find a solution. Ask her to change workplace, to stop seeing the guy, or..
If you do not any longer intend on repairing the relationship, then maybe you could consider a divorce as a last resort.

Be careful to know what you wanna do first. There are often alternatives you didn't think of.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I doubt she loves the other guy, he just made her feel like she is important,and attractive...something you're not doing if she is searching for it elsewhere. Especially as a mom, her physical appearance most likely changed. So it could have put a burden on her self esteem. It did mines. Do you compliment her when she looks/dresses good? Do you randomnly tell her how beautiful she is?Believe it or not, little things like that would bring her back to her senses and make her feel more secure about your feelings toward her. And that talk about getting out of it would be out of selfishness because you're not only walking out on your marriage, but your children's lives. It's not as serious as you think, just let her know how much you love her once in a while, it'll lighten up the mood and she wouldnt look for approval elsewhere.Oh and confronting the guy will just cause unnecessary animosity between you two. Just let it go, its really not that serious.

[hurt and shamed]

LadieNisha4u2nv
Thanks so much for the kind words