Sensitive issue

[manderbug]

I starting to date a new guy, so we are learning alot about eachother. I'll call him Joe.

I found out awhile ago through one of Joe's friends that his mother passed away when he was in highschool. I remember this, so when we exchanged basic getting-to-know you questions, I left out any about his mom.

I really care for him. I don't know if it's better to ask a question about his mom, or if I should just play dumb and wait for him to bring it up. I really don't want to open a wound of that magnitude, but I wonder if acting surprised when he does tell me would be wrong.

I should mention that while we just started dating, I have known him casually for 2 years.

This seems like a minimal situation, but it is very sensitive to him I am sure. Thanks for any advice

[Fawn]

In this type of situation its probably the easiest if he brings the issue up. Although you could just simply ask him about what his family's like (just a general question). Then don't be to overly sensitive if he does tell you, its probably best just to say "i'm sorry" and try not to mention it to much, unless he is comfortable with it....

[TharowTucson]

I think that you should ask him, I mean it's just a general question I mean as long as you don't foucs on asking him, "So where's your mom" you know. I mean if he finds out that you knew about it and didn't bothered to ask then he might feel like you didn't care to see how he was feeling or if he needed someone to talk about it with.

[BillyGalbreath]

Ask him the general question: yes

Act suprised when (if) he mentions it: no

If he doesnt mention it, then he isnt ready to talk about it, and may never be ready.

If he does talk about it, it is most likely a sign that he wants to talk about it. BUT, dont drag information out of him, just comfort him. And if it was me, I know I would want to talk about it - even if it made me bust out crying - Just comfort him when he cries (if he does) and just be there for him. Thats all you can do. Thats all he will want.

[sfalexi]

I say don't mention it. Wait for him to tell you. Asking about his family in general will be fine (so tell me more about yourself . . . what's your family like?). But don't ask SPECIFICALLY about his parents. And just react like you would if it were anyone else telling you that there mother passed away.

Rod Steele

[Rêveur]

Yes, wait for him to mention it, that kind of issue is something that involves extremely personal emotions he may not feel ready to share with you now. If he brings up that his mom has passed away then don't feign surprise, be honest and open. He won't be angry because you didn't bring it up with him when you found out, just be prepared to listen if he ever feels the need to talk about it.

[Uncertain]

Please just say the truth. When he'll bring it up, tell him you already knew because his friend told you.