I really need to know what to do.

[Car Chick]

I have been in love with this man for years. I never thought it would happen, and then today, he told me how he feels about me and he kissed me. The problem is, I know my mom would be really hurt if I dated him and I don't want to hurt her. I am 19 and he's 43. He isn't sure about it either. He told me, "I think I'm starting to feel more for you than I should." He asked me to listen and see what God is telling me to do, but I have mixed feelings about whether or not to date. I don't know what's coming from God. Also, he's moving away soon. I don't know what to do. I really love him. I told how I feel, that I love him but I love my mom too and I don't want to hurt her and he's very understanding. We've both been in love for years, but we are afraid of feeling for each other. Should we stay friends or should we try dating?

Update: Brian and I talked again. He said he just doesn't feel right about pursuing this relationship. God told him not to be a stumbling block to me. I am really depressed over this. The kiss was so wonderful and I loved being in his arms. I love flirting with him and him flirting with me. But he thinks it's best that we just stay really good friends. He says he wants to be my friend forever. We will still call each other and maybe some day later on, we can try again to date. Maybe now just isn't the right time. I am hoping that my mom will learn to accept age-gap relationships. Then it would be fine for me to date him.


Update: I followed all the advice on here. We decided not to date. Now I'm miserable. I love him too much to be without him. I know it's probablly not the best idea to date him, but how do I keep myself from being in love with him? How do I restrain myself from kissing him or asking him to be my boyfriend?

UPDATE: I have been reading posts here and in another forum and some of you have been very helpful. I have realized now what an idiot I was being. I deleted his number from my phone and I have decided not to maintain any contact with him. When he kissed me, I didn't fully want it. I tried to pull away but he kissed me anyway. It felt wrong. After a lot of thought and consideration on these posts and the situation, I have decided that he's not who I thought he was. Thank you all for helping me to see the truth, especially to those of you who kindly and lovingly guided me. It's hard to listen to someone who's calling you stupid. I thank the kind posts from concerned people that are obviously much smarter than me.

[okapa]

Wait for God, he'll come down from the sky and make the world a better place for you.

[ButterflyDreamz]

Why would it hurt your mum? Does she fancy him or something?
If it's just the age difference, she'll eventually get used to it.
What bothers me about this more is the fact that he's moving away soon. Depending on how far away and how permanent...what my advice would be.
With just that fact, I'd say try to find some other guy if you can. Long distance relationships DON'T work. Not if that's how you're starting out.
If he's gonna be around, go for it! You've been in love with him for so long..you might was well take a chance.

[Frasbee]

Your poll is broken.

You're missing the part where you discontinue/limit all contact with him.

[Car Chick]

Why would it hurt your mum? Does she fancy him or something?
If it's just the age difference, she'll eventually get used to it.
What bothers me about this more is the fact that he's moving away soon. Depending on how far away and how permanent...what my advice would be.
With just that fact, I'd say try to find some other guy if you can. Long distance relationships DON'T work. Not if that's how you're starting out.
If he's gonna be around, go for it! You've been in love with him for so long..you might was well take a chance.

She gets really upset about the whole age-difference thing. I dated a guy twelve years older before. She was angry for a long time, even after we broke up. He may not be going real soon. He is waiting for the chance, but it may not be right away and he's not sure if he's staying. It's in state, just about three or four hours south of here. He may not stay there permanantly, but his daughter lives down there and he wants to go there for her.

[Car Chick]

Your poll is broken.

You're missing the part where you discontinue/limit all contact with him.

Why should I do that? We've been friends for five years.

[Frasbee]

Sounds to me like you have missing-daddy-syndrome.

[Car Chick]

Wait for God, he'll come down from the sky and make the world a better place for you.

Sorry it doens't work that way, but Brian and I are both very spiritual and we can ussually sense what God is telling us. But right now, I have so many feelings, it's hard to sort out what's what.

[Frasbee]

Sorry it doens't work that way, but Brian and I are both very spiritual and we can ussually sense what God is telling us. But right now, I have so many feelings, it's hard to sort out what's what.

You've come to the wrong place if you expect anyone to believe/or agree with you on that.

But that aside.

Dealing with what is concrete.

I'm telling you that any relationship with this man is doomed to fail, partially because he already has children. Secondly, any man that looks to women as young as his daughter is just weird. And I'm already sensing a trend here.

Where is your father?

[carl1222]

Why would it hurt your mum? Does she fancy him or something?
If it's just the age difference, she'll eventually get used to it.
What bothers me about this more is the fact that he's moving away soon. Depending on how far away and how permanent...what my advice would be.
With just that fact, I'd say try to find some other guy if you can. Long distance relationships DON'T work. Not if that's how you're starting out.
If he's gonna be around, go for it! You've been in love with him for so long..you might was well take a chance.

You can't be serious, Butterfly. She's been in "love" with him since mid-adolescence! To ignore a 24-year age difference at age 19 would be disasterous for her, and the deeper she gets into it now, the more pain they both will feel when it inevitably falls apart.

You tell her to "take a chance" ... but there are chances and there are chances. Taking a chance on this relationship would be like parking your car on an active railroad track and taking a nap in the back seat on the chance that the train might break down. Even if he weren't leaving.

I want to vote for Frasbee's choice "discontinue/limit all contact with him."

Carl.

[ButterflyDreamz]

Okay..about your mum - it's YOUR relationship..not hers. YOU'RE going to be seeing him, NOT HER! So forget her for now. (don't get me wrong, I love my mum, and if i were in your position, i'd be telling my own mum this. Mums want their kids to be happy! And if he makes you happy, then go for it! She prolly just doesn't want to see you get hurt - but it'd happen anyway regardless of his age!)

Okay..so moving on from there...He wants to leave...How old is his daughter? Have you even met her? How would SHE take it? And finally, how often would you be able to see him? The big question is...at the end of the day...would you be happy with the relationship he is offering you?
Only you can answer that one.

[Frasbee]

Men that take on girlfriend's/wives that are so much younger than them, enjoy the sense of power and security they have over the relationship. They tend to coddle their naivety. It's similar to the "shining knight syndrome", but specific to women/girls much younger than them.

[ButterflyDreamz]

Carl, I realise that big age gaps may seem wrong. She is, however, old enough to know what she wants. Maybe this is a childish crush...But maybe it isn't. She won't know until she tries or a lot of time has passed...

I know a girl whose 17 and date a DIVORCED man in his mid/late thirties! Her mum knew and took it relatively well, all things considered.

Why should an age-gap be considered a death trap?

[Frasbee]

Carl, I realise that big age gaps may seem wrong. She is, however, old enough to know what she wants. Maybe this is a childish crush...But maybe it isn't. She won't know until she tries or a lot of time has passed...

I know a girl whose 17 and date a DIVORCED man in his mid/late thirties! Her mum knew and took it relatively well, all things considered.

Why should an age-gap be considered a death trap?

It's just how shit works.

Things are all fine and dandy initially when both parties are thoroughly infatuated, but as soon as that wears off trouble brews. That goes for the average relationship, so you throw in an much older man, with child, with unsupportive parents (or parent in this case) and you're just askin' for a break up.

No, she doesn't know what she wants, because if she did, this would be a non issue.

[carl1222]

Okay..about your mum - it's YOUR relationship..not hers. YOU'RE going to be seeing him, NOT HER! So forget her for now. (don't get me wrong, I love my mum, and if i were in your position, i'd be telling my own mum this. Mums want their kids to be happy! And if he makes you happy, then go for it! She prolly just doesn't want to see you get hurt - but it'd happen anyway regardless of his age!)

Okay..so moving on from there...He wants to leave...How old is his daughter? Have you even met her? How would SHE take it? And finally, how often would you be able to see him? The big question is...at the end of the day...would you be happy with the relationship he is offering you?
Only you can answer that one.

No, the big question is ... at the end of 10 years ... would you be happy with the relationship he is offering you?