boyfriend excludes me from family/friends - Love Forum

casey · #1 (**permalink**) 14-06-04, 09:27 PM

I have a situation with a long-time off and on boyfriend that i'd like some feedback on.

We first dated about nine years ago for over a year. It was pretty serious. I met all of his friends and family and was invited to most family/friend functions. I broke up with him (due primarily to my own emotional issues at the time). It was a pretty traumatic ending. About a year later we started talking and were off an on (but not seriously) until about two years ago when we agreed to start dating exclusively again. In the last two years he has not invited me to any family or friend functions. He has gradually begun to introduce me to some friends, but still no family.

It's hard to bring the issue up to him because I am afraid it will sound whiny, almost like i am inviting myself. The first year or so it didn't bother me, but we are growing closer and it is starting to become an issue for me. I do include him in some of my family/friend functions.

I know he cares a lot about me but I can't help but think this may indicate a lack of committment on his part. Any feedback would be appreciated.

If it helps to know, he is 46 and has never been married. He has been in several short term relationships.

Casey.

jslaughter · #2 (**permalink**) 14-06-04, 10:24 PM

I would take not being introduced to his family as a very bad sign . . .I don't introduce everyone I date to my family but after two years.

It seems to me that you need to ask him what's up - its possible if the relationship ended poorly that his family has a negative opinion and he's not sure how to tell them that he's back with the girl that broke his heart before. It's also possible that he thinks you aren't interested in meetings his family. Only one person knows for sure what's going on in his head - and that's him.

It could also be that he doesn't want his family pestering him about settling down!

PandaCivic · #3 (**permalink**) 14-06-04, 11:37 PM

i agree...but not completely. he might have the same problem that i once had. i didn't include my girl in any of my family outings mainly due to the fact that i was ashamed of my family. i didn't hate them, i just envied her family and didn't want her to think that my life was worse than hers. her family was almost perfect. after a while i realized her family was twisted deep down and my family is loving and cares for me. and also i didn't trust myself to let her into my life until i knew for sure she was okay with it. he might not know you want to be part of it. ask him.

Clifton · #4 (**permalink**) 15-06-04, 12:27 AM

Maybe he was really hurt by you the first time you guys broke up, and his family hates you? just a thought

casey · #5 (**permalink**) 15-06-04, 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clifton

Maybe he was really hurt by you the first time you guys broke up, and his family hates you? just a thought

Clifton.

I've thought of that. I do know that his family has an awareness that I am in his life. For example he shared with them that he attended my daughter's high school graduation. But I sense they think we are just friends or something. It's strange.

Casey

squirrley · #6 (**permalink**) 15-06-04, 05:17 AM

I would guess after this amount of time something has got to be wrong-and not to mention hes 46-you guys are old enough now that things from the past shouldnt matter-get over it already-I imagine hes had to have told them good things too...so I would talk to him you dont have to come across whiney..just say hey you know Id like to go with ya sometime to see your family-dont make a big deal about and be nonchalant with him-try that approach...just to get his wheels turning ya know!