Confused

[RichieP78]

OK here goes. My wife and I are both 26. Been together for 8 years, been married for just about 1 year. I do love her and really don't want to hurt her, but I'm really getting the feeling that it's all a bit stale and same old same old. It's a 'safe' relationship (mortgage and all the usual ties), and I know I play a 50% part of it, but the spark has gone. I get the feeling I settled down too early (we are both or first and only sexual partners) and the urge to wander and experience other women (not just sexually) is driving me mad. The other night I was out with some work friends when this girl (29 still a girl?!) started talking to me. We were both a little drunk, but as far as I was concerned we were getting on famously. The mutual attraction was easy to see and we really wanted each other in every way, but not being a total bastard I told her I was married and nothing happened. Give her credit though, she still stayed talking to me for the rest of the night, telling me about all she was looking for etc. The fact she actually showed such an interest made me feel just amazing. We were totally wrapped up in each other. The day after I was walking through town when her and a friend drove past me, she slowed down a little, we looked at each other and we both broke out in a very broad grin Ever since though, I just feel totally empty inside. Completely broken and literally on the verge of tears, and I know I have plenty to be happy about, but I just can't stop thinking about it, maybe not necessarily this girl (but a lot of it is), but just everything in general. Do I really want to be stuck like this for the rest of my life, or is the grass just a little greener on the other side? Has anyone else experienced anything similar or know anyone that has? Am I even posting this in the right place?? Please help

[jslaughter]

There's a book called the Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis . . .one the "letters" deal with getting someone's marriage off track by encouraging the man to look at his wife critically, to focus on her faults, and all the negatives. Sounds like screwtape is working on you.

Do you not realize that you have faults that might annoy your wife as well? That perhaps she too thought things would be different from how they are?

There is a cure but you will not find it outside of yourself but inside - look at this woman that you married and look for the things that made you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her. If things are stagnant you are as capable of spicing things up with her as you can with someone else - go to a lingerie store and buy her something that will make her feel desirable or buy something that encourage the two of you to try something new and different - there are a world of lotions, powders, and other things out there.

As for the girl, I hate to break it to you but its possible that you were so attractive to her because you WERE MARRIED. I have many male friends that are married - the are great friends because I never have to worry about their motives - all they have to offer is friendship. (Once or twice in ten years I have discovered that my married guy friends imagine that there is more than friendship there - whenever confronted with such foolishness it ruins the friendship.)

Vows are kind of a big deal to me so I would advise you to focus on what you have in your wife rather than what you THINK you missed out on.

[BBC1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jslaughter

its possible that you were so attractive to her because you WERE MARRIED. .

I agree 100%. Ask yourself - does that girl really wants you and not you good mate status (you are married and for her it means you are good, proven mate)? if you go for her, is it gonna be anyhing good out if that affair?