Relationships and Mental Disorders

[God Eros]

To start it off I have anxiety and major depression. I have been in a relationship for a little over a year now and it has had its ups and downs, sometimes in a single day. She has PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) from being raped 3 months before we started talking. The combination of these isn't very good for a couple but we are to far in love to break it off. When I am out of town and she is at a party where there is drinking, even though I know she is safe because of the friends she is with, my anxiety is through the roof. Combined with the depression I get angry and don't think through what I say. I have said on a couple of occasions things I did not mean. It hurts her when I should only be supportive and a good boyfriend. She also has countless breakdowns where she calls me crying or has panic attacks because of dreams, words, places. It is hard to deal with them sometimes because she doesn't tell me until after they happen.



I don't know what I am looking for here, but give advice on how we should handle ourselves. I'm tired of hurting her when I don't mean to, and I get frustrated when she doesn't help calm me/tell me what is wrong with her. Anything is helpful

[Henry123]

Are you seeing any therapist or counselor at the moment? You should get a referal for one if your not.

You might want to inquire about Cognitive Therapy for your anxiety. It can help alot.

The rape was quite recent. So I think you need to let her cope in her own way for awhile. I hope she is getting good treatment for it. (Keep a eye on her)
Talk to her parents if you must; make sure they keep an eye on her too.

You both might also want to consider group or couple conseling. But first make sure both of your personal issues are being adressed. I think both of you need some sort of treatment but for different things.


Another alternative therapy that may work is with NLP (Neuro Linguistic Therapy) or with Milton Erickson hypnotherapy by a qualify professional.
If you feel conventional psycho therapy isnt working well enough.

I think its quite possible your anger may be causing her to have flash backs????? There are certain "triggers"/ "anchors" that can cause her to freak out or react in certain ways. Just be aware of them so you dont trigger them.

[Henry123]

Keep in mind there are certain antidepressents that can be used for treating both depressing and anxiety. But be weary that some of this drugs can cause one to feel even more depress and sometimes even suicidal. So be cautious of them. Some dumb a*s doctors are not informed enough about this danger.

[Rollerderby]

Sheesh, that sucks, I'm sorry to hear you both are going through so rough stuff. I think it needs to be important for you both to work on how you communicate. You need to be complete partners to help each other and yourself. You both need to realize that if you are having a fight that chances are it is a result from the bullshit that you are both going through.

Try not to argue. It may seem hard, but think through it. Talk to each other, support each other and give each other what you need when you need it. (Whether it be space or whatnot.)

This is the ideal way a relationship should work anyway, but you guys need to go easy on each other. It can be hard but try to keep reminding yourself that the other is not the enemy. It's just tough when you are both dealing with stuff and also trying to be in a relationship.

[NewToLove]

For some reason I feel a little sympathy for you.. mainly because my past girlfriend was also raped.. and she's in highschool... thing is.. I looked past that and grown to love her, but the typical highschool girl is in puppy dovey lovey and broke up with me and said "i was too good for her"

BULL TO THE MOTHER ****KING SHIT cause she just wanted to meet other guys, coulda told me that straight forward.

I feel an aura from you.. and angry one.. I'm certain you're pissed about the rape incident... cause if i could.. i'd still kick the shit out of the guy who raped my ex.

thing is bro, you're different, sounds like she really loves you.. try to understand the rape isn't entirely her fault although she coulda defended herself in someway? <-- not sure of the situation...

Look at this.. you two need to stay a couple nights together and talk through things untill you fall asleep on each other.. give each other reasons to be together...

[ecojeanne]

honestly i don't think she should be seeing anyone right now and should be focusing on getting better, no offense. you should be with someone that makes you happy. are you happy having to cope with this so early on? i think you may have shining knight syndrome. look the thread up. you should break up mutually if possible and maybe get back together when she has dealt with what happend

[ecojeanne]

now consider this statment before and after you read my following comment: i am a complete stanger and ultimately my opinion doesn't matter to you:

i don't believe in social axiety disorder unless based on a previous trauma. people are shy and people start to believe they are nothing and believe others are judging them when infact they are not (others are too busy judging themselves). anxiety disorder is another way for the pharma industry to dole out pills to shy people. these pills ironically have a side effect of depression

[Henry123]

i don't believe in social axiety disorder unless based on a previous trauma.

(Respectfully.)
Social anxiety disorder has been documented by psychologist, therapists etc.
I agree most are due to past trauma.
There may be a few odd cases that has genetic causes especially if it runs in certain families.

people are shy and people start to believe they are nothing and believe others are judging them when infact they are not (others are too busy judging themselves).

(Respectfully.)
It doesnt neccesarily have to do with social self esteem. Which is another issue.
Social anxiety disorder is slightly more severe than being just shy. Its often consider a mental disorder. Some people become socially disfunctional and some people have committed suicide because of the anxiety.

anxiety disorder is another way for the pharma industry to dole out pills to shy people. these pills ironically have a side effect of depression

(Once again respectfully.)

Providing I'm reading you right.
In most case there is no direct connection between social anxiety and the phrama industry. Social anxiety existed befor the pharma industry even got involved. (Not saying that some pharma industry isnt taking advantage of people with social anxiety or anything. You are probably right with that.)
Treatment for social anxiety disorder doesnt neccesarily involve drugs. Cognitive therapy, Exposure therapy ... etc. are some of the non drug therapies being used to treat it (for those who didnt know that already).

Only some drugs may (but not neccesarily) cause depression. Infact alot of antidepressent drugs are used to treat social anxiety disorders (for those who didnt know already).

[Henry123]

Resources on medications (its a pretty good article):
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/anxi..._treatment.htm
note some medication can be addictive as well but not all of them are.


Some precautions:
Antidepressant drugs might induce suicides behavior even in adults
http://www.iampanicked.com/iampanick...ealth-care.htm

Neurontin Linked to Depression and Suicide
http://www.anxietyguru.net/neurontin...n-and-suicide/

[vashti]

I think people owe it to their potential partners to bring an emotionally-healthy self to the table. If one isn't in a position to do this, then it is best to address their problems before getting involved with anyone else.

Also, for Henry - FYI - the reason suicide is a risk with antidepressants is NOT because they make you feel worse, but because seriously depressed people lack the energy to plan and carry out suicide. The medication makes them feel well enough to carry through with it.

[LoveFish]

Vashti is right. There is little hope for a relationship if there are two people with unhealthy emotions. The rape was VERY recent and that is not something to be taken lightly.

I wish the both for you both!

[Aeradalia]

www.RAINN.org

Have her look at this site... alone if she requires. It will answer all of her questions... and give her someone to talk to directly (anonymously) if she needs it.

Social anxiety is a bitch... still suffer from a touch of it now... but it was crippling throughout most of my life. I've been told that it's trauma induced as well. Fluoxetine didn't give me suicidal thoughts... but that may have more to do with the idea that I felt well enough to where I wanted to feel even better.

Vashti is right... the fewer problems you bring to the relationship to begin with... the better.

It's highly recommended that both of you seek out a therapist.

[Henry123]

Also, for Henry - FYI - the reason suicide is a risk with antidepressants is NOT because they make you feel worse, but because seriously depressed people lack the energy to plan and carry out suicide. The medication makes them feel well enough to carry through with it.

(not to take it wrongly or anything)

I'm not sure about other drugs Vashti but according to the article on Neurotin it says the following:

"Secondly, Neurontin may increase feelings of depression and increase anxious feelings and thoughts. According to the report “all patients who take anti-epileptic drugs should be closely monitored… for the emergence or worsening of suicidal thoughts or depression”. .....
Treatment induced Neurontin depression can also be problematic for an anxiety sufferer because many times anxiety is also accompanied by depression. So exposing yourself to a drug that could in fact worsen your depression can become dangerous. .....
The FDA is currently thinking about adding a warning label for suicidal thoughts and behavior on the drugs packaging. All things being equal the FDA alert should be just that - an alert, a warning.
"

[vashti]

I was referring to antidepressants, Henry. Neurontin is NOT an antidepressant, but an anti-epileptic medication that is also used to treat neuropathic pain. It isn't widely used as a psych med (at least, not where I live), and recent testing shows it to be no better than a placebo for that purpose, anyway.

[Yggdrasil]

Two unhealthy people can not have one healthy relation together.

All the rest is bullshit and totaly irrelevant to the OP.

Bottom line.