No experience... need advice

[khyyy]

Hi,

Basically the story goes as such. I'm 20 years old, I'm a virgin in every sense of the word, never had sex, never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl etc. It's really starting to get to me to the point of nearly depression, and I probably would be depressed if I wasn't such an upbeat person. In the past three-four weeks I've really really started to like this girl I work with. I've always "liked her" but these past few weeks that likeness keeps on growing. She's cute, funny and pretty much has all the same interests in every type of pop culture you could think of as I do (Music, Movies, Books, TV etc.) There are a few issues, for one I'm very shy when it comes to talking to any girls, let alone this one because I actually like her, not just like her in the sense of "Wow shes hot."

We've worked together for about 2 years now, and I know for a fact she's always at the very least liked me as a person/friend. Anytime we actually have a conversation it's usually a good conversation and always includes plenty of her laughing etc. I also know her fairly well, for example she has briefly talked to me about her self esteem issues in the past, even to the point of like financial issues as well. I've pretty much been trying to get to know her as well as humanly possible. Like a week ago we were talking about seafood and how much we both loved it etc. So last night I asked her if she wanted to get seafood with me while I was talking to her for a little while on AIM. He response was "Lol maybe." I'm not sure how to take that, then today at work she seemed to acting weird, for like the first 5-6 hours we were at work she didn't say a word to me, but in the time I caught her a few times staring in my direction or at least I think I did? She finally at one point walked by me and just said hi to me while using my name "Hi <name>!" but with like a high pitched squeal kind of thing.

Sorry for the long post, basically I'm trying to figure out if she might like me or not, and I really don't know how to proceed with anything like this. Oh, one other thing that I feel could cause a problem is she is 22, I'm 20, do you think she might find that as a turn off her being two years older than me? Thanks for any input

[Spring Haze]

Age aside, she probably finds it a turn off that you two work together.

Dating a co-worker is usually a bad idea.

[khyyy]

Age aside, she probably finds it a turn off that you two work together.

Dating a co-worker is usually a bad idea.

I had thought about that a little while ago, I told my one good friend at work the situation, he was trying to say it probably wouldn't be a big deal... it's not like a big time job, we work for a retail chain. Being honest, I've been looking for a new job for quite sometime now, the only reason I really haven't gone at it full force is because of how much I like this girl.

[Yggdrasil]

Let her come to you. If she wants to act that way, that's her privilege.

So simply back off, even on the conversations etc.

Try it for a few days. See what happens. I betcha $20 she's gona start comming to you with a million questions.

[Jacen Star]

I'd like to point out that being a "virgin" in every sense of the word should not be a hindrance, but don't bring it up. Unless she knows, it shouldn't even enter the equation of you two dating.

If you feel insecure about it, internally pretend that you aren't and keep up that facade until it is true. Reminding yourself does nothing to help, as it will just make you more insecure and less assertive, which makes anyone your interested in see you as a person who waffles about and doesn't know what they want. You don't want that.

When you are comfortable in a strong relationship, then you can tell her, and chances are she will be surprised as hell about how well you did, all things considered, and thats if she even cares that you were apparently inexpirienced.

This is speaking from the eyes of a 21 year old who was a "virgin" in every sense of the word until he was 20 and finally got a girlfriend. How? By internally pretending he wasn't a virgin and fooling himself that he knew what to do. Its at that point you realize that dating is just natural and the inexperience fear is not as lethal to a relationship as the indecision it gives you.

Now your first "ask" seems very...joking/cowardly. No offense...but I dislike aim ask outs. I'm a hypocrite for sure, but still. From the way she responded, I would ask her out again, this time after work.

Dont say, "Would you like to go out to dinner with me?"

Say instead, " I'd like to take you to out to that seafood place we were talking about earlier. When are you free?"

Ask her out again and expect her to say no. If she says yes, then yippy skippy. But expect a No, and be prepared to smile through the rest of the day as if you won the lottery.

If you don't, you will regret it. Period.

[olie843]

Just go with the flow, relax; in a few days, simply ask her, would you like to come out friday night for that meal I mentioned? or something along them lines, once you have established stage 1, see how it goes, let me know and Il report back.

[Bumble_bee]

I thought something like 60+ % of relationships begin in the workplace....so I do not see why dating a co-worker is a problem.

But she said 'lol, maybe' which translates:
lol= your kidding right?
maybe= no promises

you may have over-read her actions, but this one certainly won't be going anywhere unless she decides to do the initiating. hang back for a while, just in case I'm talking absolute shit and I'm wrong, but if she withdrew a bit from you because you suggested grabbing lunch/dinner together...leave her be.

[khyyy]

I thought something like 60+ % of relationships begin in the workplace....so I do not see why dating a co-worker is a problem.

But she said 'lol, maybe' which translates:
lol= your kidding right?
maybe= no promises

you may have over-read her actions, but this one certainly won't be going anywhere unless she decides to do the initiating. hang back for a while, just in case I'm talking absolute shit and I'm wrong, but if she withdrew a bit from you because you suggested grabbing lunch/dinner together...leave her be.

I don't "know" that she withdrew from me, that may have just been my own paranoia sparking up. I mean it was a decently busy day at work, it may have just been pure coincidence or something as well, it wouldn't be the first time we worked together but didn't really have anytime to say much more than "Hi."

[Jacen Star]

I thought something like 60+ % of relationships begin in the workplace....so I do not see why dating a co-worker is a problem.

But she said 'lol, maybe' which translates:
lol= your kidding right?
maybe= no promises

you may have over-read her actions, but this one certainly won't be going anywhere unless she decides to do the initiating. hang back for a while, just in case I'm talking absolute shit and I'm wrong, but if she withdrew a bit from you because you suggested grabbing lunch/dinner together...leave her be.

I still feel that the first ask out wasn't direct enough, and so she is getting mixed signals. From her side, this is a guy she has known for 2 years and never once did she make a move. Either she is a shy type, not interested, or never thought he would ask her out. And when he did, it wasn't direct, and if she is a shy one she isn't gonna try and then possibly make her friendship be strained over a miscommunication.

I am guessing that she is waiting for confirmation that first ask out wasnt a joke, and that it had substance. If I'm wrong, then she wasn't interested anyway. I still think it is a risk of allowing her to over think if you act normal now, because she WILL think it was just a joke ask out question.

[Bumble_bee]

I just don't see myself liking someone soo much that I respond to even an inkling of a date with 'hahahaha..maybe''

you know...but then I did say I could be wrong, which of course I hope I am, try Jstar has a point, maybe make it a bit more claer you wanna take her out on a date.

[khyyy]

Well I finally got around to asking her in person today... wasn't really a direct response but she told me she is planning on maybe going on Saturday and that she'd let me know. So I guess all to do now is wait and see if she lets me know? Or you think I should bring it up again on Saturday... or was that an easy way you think of letting me off without sounding like a bitch about it? I mean she said it in the same form of tone a buddy of mine would reply to me if he thought he was going somewhere. I'm sure tone has a lot to do with the responses meaning, unfortunately there's no way for me to really explain the tone. Kind of just "Umm, I was thinking of going on Saturday not 100% sure where to yet"

[Bumble_bee]

Khyy did you ask her directly if she wanted to go WITH you?

because again that is not the kind of response you want from someone when your asking them on a date. If you really want to date this lady, then on Saturday ask her if she wants to go WITH you, so she is clear you are asking her on a date. stop going in with one foot, how are you ever going to get a clear answer if you tiptoe around this?

[khyyy]

Khyy did you ask her directly if she wanted to go WITH you?

because again that is not the kind of response you want from someone when your asking them on a date. If you really want to date this lady, then on Saturday ask her if she wants to go WITH you, so she is clear you are asking her on a date. stop going in with one foot, how are you ever going to get a clear answer if you tiptoe around this?

Well on AIM the other day I specifically stated that "we should go." Today I simply said "Hey so you never answered, did you want to get that seafood?" Not sure if that's direct enough or not... Knowing that it came from my mind I'm going to say not.

[Bumble_bee]

Khyy thats as direct as things need to be to get the hint that you want to take her there. I think you should self psych yourself up for her 'forgetting' about your suggestion on Saturday. because she really doesn't sound interested.

As always when I say stuff like this, I hope I am wrong, but at the same time, it not that hot hanging on for a chick that doesn't reciprocate the effort. You say you have no experience, and I think this one might be more hassle than its worth for your first date/kiss..and whatever comes after. you need to go out there and start looking for your first experience, but with someone who is as into you as you are them.

good luck, I really hope she wakes up

[WHUDAFUXUP]

What everyone has said is right on.

I'd be worried about that "lol maybe" and the IDK I'll see thing. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if it was a very easy going comical friendship, because a girl recently said the same thing but just in a teasing way and I know she def wants to go out with me.

But I mean you've seen this girl around for two years and she never really hinted at anything before now? I kinda think she just thinks of you as a friend at work.

I know you are dissecting every little thing about her and I think girls somehow sense this kind of nervousness, you just got to play up your confidence, like the other person said, expect a no, but even then smile your ass off.

Shes going to think hard about that, like wow, I know I hurt him but hes good at handling himself, maybe he isn't that insecure or what have you. You know what I mean?

BTW don't bring it up again, I think it would sound really pushy.

You gotta be like how Yggdrasil put it, just be chill and cool, shes gonna come up to you about all this stuff if shes really interested.

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edit, just saw you post again, I think AIM is a no no in this situation. You need to gauge her reactions in person.