3 years dating think our relationship is lost...

[creamer90]

Me and my girlfriend, kenzie, have been together for over three years. After our first year of dating our sex life went down hill when she stop using free clinic birth control pills because they were giving her attitude problems. Now she has kept her attitude problem and all we do is fight and now we barely make love. We used to make great love but after she stopped using the free clinic birth control i would be lucky to get something weither a hand job or lousy sex in bed once a week. Thanksgiving of last year i ran into an old girlfriend and a spark ignited between us and the lack of romance and constant fighting led me to cheat on her and the next day i told her i could not be with her anymore. A weeks time went by i was with the new girl and kenzie was showing up at my apartment everyday. I finally gave into her and took her back because she was giving me incredible sex, never to talk to the old girlfriend again.

About a week passed and our love life went back exactly to where it was before. By this horrid love life i mean she has no sex drive at all I cannot touch her arousingly barely even touch her for that matter without her yelling at me. A month passed by without us having sex until valentines day when we pretty much had hateful sex and one month later led to use finding out she was pregnant. Now we don't have sex but once every two or three weeks and when we do it is absolutely pointless, no orgasm nothing. I have now sworn into the army so that we can suffice and i can take care of my little boy the only problem is we must get married before i leave in october or no benefits will go to her and the newborn baby and my pay will be nothing compared to if we are married.

I have no intention of marrying her I cannot live the rest of my life knowing that sex will be something of the past. I know its greedy of me to do but life is too short to live unhappy and she tells me constantly it is me and that is why she doesnt give it up but she has changed completely and she is not the girl i started dating before. I have been with another girl three times in the past two months considering that we do not make love anymore, but i know it must stop and i need to learn to deal with what I have done but I am only 19 and I dont want to feel like I had a second chance. I also dont want my child to go what i went through which is fighting parents which led to a later divorce I would of almost felt happier if they divorced before I was born.

Many people tell me that she has been cheating on me but I watch her like a hawk just to prove to myself that she hasn't. the night i mentioned something to her about it she broke down in tears telling me she can't believe that i would think of something like that. She tells me that she just does not have a sex drive anymore and she doesnt feel like she will ever get it back.

If anyone has has the same problem with their lover your help upon solving it would be greatly appreciated, I love her to death but I dont want to live unhappy for the rest of my life so I know if I do not do anything now that I will leave her in time which i dont want. I really want to fix this but I dont know what would be best from counseling or just actually going our seperate ways.

Thanks in advance for your help!

[Yggdrasil]

This is pretty messed up isn't it?

All I read is sex, sex, sex, sex. So you guys don't have great sex.

Sex isn't love.

The sex goes down and instead of going with your partner to a doctor to see what's going on, you cheat on her.

Instead of working the problem you chose the easy way out. Then you become weak to her pleas, give in and eventualy have unprotected sex, resulting in her being pregnant. Ever heard about condoms? Or are you to proud to use them?

Now you're even more screwed. Then you swear into the army. What for? Are you running away again? Because that's all you seem to do. Run away instead of dealing with the problems.

And again you cheat on her because there's no sex.

Get your shit together and make up your mind will ya?

What are you looking for? Sympathy? Well, you're not getting mine, that's for sure.

So now you're stuck with a pregnant girl, a bad conscience, a contract with the army and your problems still aren't solved.

Way to go. That's so darn smart. Your life's screwed even before it started. And why? Because you think with your pecker instead of with your brain.

So WTF are you gona do about that? She says the problem is you. Darn right the problem is you. You acted irresponsible. Now you are trying to be responsible but you're having a hard time doing so.

You love her to dead but you cheat on her and can't commit to her, nor are you willing to do the hard work required in a relation.

All I see is: YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU... What are you? Some kind of selfcentered prick?

Let me tell you how that works: you screw up, you deal with the consequenses of your mistakes.

Figure it out yourself. Nobody can help you. You burned your ass, now you'll have to sit on the blisters.

[s_b]

Bringing a baby into all this trashy drama is just awful. You knew she wasn't on birth control so why the hell didn't you use condoms?

[icelady1983]

Sex is not everything and it does not = love!

It sounds like you have been running away and sleeping with other girls because you are scared to talk and face up to things.

Communication is key in a relationship and it is clear that you have not been communicating with each other.

If you loved her and cared about her why did you not sit down and talk through this problems rather than running to other girls for sex.

As for now. I dont think that marrying someone just so she can get benifits is the key and I dont think that is going to solve anything.

I feel that the best thing you can do is call this realtionship to an end before you end up hurting your girl friend anymore and dragging your son in to this horrible situation.

Im not a beliver in leaving someone to bring a child up on their own but it is clear that you do not love her and you argue all the time which is not good. Your son will pick up on this and that is not good. It will not be fair on him to be brought up by two people who are not in love and argue all the time.

I think that by going in to the army you are running away from things rather than facing them and I think that if you are going in to the army then you need to end the relationship but make sure you open up a savings account for your son and give her money each month to help raise him.

[ecojeanne]

look up damiana, that's of course she is telling the truth. maybe she has put having a bf above having a relationship? ygg sex is important and if there is a lack of then the relationship is gonna suck. you can't blame the guy from feeling frustrated.

but now you have a kid. things have changed. you need to go to couples counseling and try to sort this out big style. there is likely an emotional reason rather than a physical reason for her not to want sex, it could anything from feeling guilt/life worries/past problems who knows...but counselling will help hopefully if you are both willing

[Yggdrasil]

^^^ I suggest to read my post again Eco. And no, he's not getting any sympathy from me. All he's been doing is running instead of working the issues.

[ecojeanne]

c'mon he cheated yea but he broke up with her right after-therefore he made the right decision at that time, he admits he wrongdoing. she lured him back with sex she had kept from him thru their relationship and she went back to rejecting him for sex...how is that his fault? he acted like many other men might have who loved their partner but felt unloved back, altho he probably should have broken up a long time before he met the other girl. he stayed with her even tho she didn't have sex with him. i think he did quite well as a guy being with the person he loves. Not everyone thinks about counseling until someone mentions it to them, maybe that was something he would have tried but didn’t think of. ygg you should give the guy a break seriously.

[Yggdrasil]

ygg you should give the guy a break seriously.

No.. no break.. self inflicted shit.

Should have been commited to the relation and his girl... NO excuse is good enough. Nothing anyone says can change my mind. I'm 45 years old and went through worse crap with the missus in the 25 years we're together. I didn't leave her, I didn't cheat on her, and I surely didn't run away when the riding got rough... so NO..

[ecojeanne]

^^you just saw the word cheated and had a hissy fit

[Yggdrasil]

^^you just saw the word cheated and had a hissy fit

Read above, it's not about his cheating.

[ecojeanne]

OK whatever you say ygg

[Yggdrasil]

OK whatever you say ygg

Yep. No way I am going to encourage or enable his behaviour.