Cofused again and still. - Love Forum

Ignignaughty · #1 (**permalink**) 13-07-04, 11:21 AM

Well if you haven't read my other post, this girl and I are just friends. She broke up with me, and wanted to be just friends. And she is sending confusing signals that she still wants more.

I am at a loss as to what to do. We get along great, there is no problem there. But she keeps giving me more mixed signals. I have asked a couple of other people for advice on this matter. But no one has seemed to help very much. The problem is they are growing in number, and growing in meaning. She keeps telling me how great I am. That I am going to make a girl happy one day. That I am sweet, kind, loving, and an all around good person. And she said, "I like you Aaron." Now how am I supposed to react to that? And she goes super far out of her way to hang out with me and do things with me.

I want to confront her about this, but I don't at the same time. I chickened out two times before this already. And I was going to tell her that I don't her to be a part of my life anymore, friend or otherwise. But she left something over and I couldn't do it in person. It would hurt too much to see her or hear her again. I couldn't take it.

But now I want to continue seeing her. I have more fun, and more in common with her then any of my other current friends. But I have to confront her about this, but I am afraid it might ruin our relationship we have already. But I can't continue seeing her as just a friend when I know that we both have feelings for each other and I can't react on them. She might get scared and not see me anymore. Or she might just think I am clinging and leave. But I can tell she still has feelings for me, unless she is just messing with me. I just don't know what to do.

jane · #2 (**permalink**) 13-07-04, 12:06 PM

well.. if you guys really have a connection like you say .. the truth will come out soon enough anyway.. but I would be honest with her. There is no reason not to be. Even if she only likes you as a friend.. which doesnt seem the case. Tell her.. tell her everything.

Cybog · #3 (**permalink**) 13-07-04, 02:31 PM

Thats pretty much the easiest way.

You seem to be more confused than anything. The best thing you can do for yourself is sit down and seriously think things over about what you want to do. Sometimes, writing down all the things you want to say can help, and maybe sending her a letter. Express the fact that you feel helpless in person at times, and that is why you chose to write instead of speaking to her.

And if you decide not to send a letter, then sit down with her some night, just the 2 of you, with no distractions and tell her how you feel. Dont take her someplace to eat, schedule a time when the 2 of you can be alone, and spill your guts.

Sometimes it really makes things easier when you stop and say "Look, this is what I am feeling/thinking, and I really think its best if I know how you feel about this."

Its not easy to do, but its definitely the best way. Playing a game of "Guess what Im thinking!" is stupid and immature. If anything, she will respect you more for being honest and telling her the truth, rather than this guessing game you guys are playing with each other.

bivio · #4 (**permalink**) 13-07-04, 08:50 PM

I never known a friendship to be ruined due to someone openin up their feelings. It may make it awkward for the time being and things may change (actions etc) but never ruined.

I reckon just be honest she'll appricate that and she might just feel the same. I was in a relationship where we went out with each other she dumped me and down the line started likin me and gave me the biggest hints that she likes me like "I miss how things use to be"... so I said "are you ready for another relationship" she said yes and we got together again. We're not going out now but still remain very close friends

swimmingNreverie · #5 (**permalink**) 13-07-04, 08:56 PM

Well, its not fair for you to have all of these questions on your mind--might as well get them answered instead of going nuts trying to figure it out on your own--because you won't. you can't unless you know what the other person is really feeling and thinking

You just have to talk to her.

If you feel uncomfortable actually facing her with everything you have to say, you can do what Cyborg said and write it down in a letter. OR write down a list of things you want to ask her.. things you are wondering and feeling.. things you want her to know. And pick up the phone and ask them--say them-and that way you won't leave anything out just because you're nervous. Then see what she has to say.

It seems to me that she thinks you're an amazing person, because when a girl says you're gonna make someone really happy one day, they're usually being sincere. That doesn't mean that she is interested in a relationship with you, at least not at the moment. But since you DID have a relationship with her, and you have been together, there's no point in playing the guessing game... or any games at all for that matter. Just be open and honest. If it makes her uncomfortable, she might be a little standoffish for a bit (just fair warning), but I'm sure she'll come back and your friendship won't be ruined

just some ideas. you know her better than any of us, and probably how she might respond to different approaches