Aaaahh! i need help!! - Love Forum

zas · #1 (**permalink**) 23-06-04, 01:13 AM

Hey everyone.
Basically I got involved with this guy a couple of months ago and I was friends with him before he told me he liked me. He said that although he likes me he couldnt handle a relationship at the moment because he is not over his ex and is extremely paranoid. Then he decided to try and ignore it and we got together for 2 weeks. Then he says he is still in love with her, that nobody can make him feel like she once did and that he didn't want to live if he couldn't spend his life with the one thing he wants to, she is well over him and said she never loved him, just felt sorry for him.
I told him I'm prepared to wait until he is over her because I care alot about him. I have no problem with waiting, but just lately, he has become very distant towards me, and I don't know why! Does anyone have a similar experience and could tell me what happened? Can you get over your first love and move on?

Thanks guys

KaWaiiSkYe · #2 (**permalink**) 23-06-04, 01:26 AM

Anyone can get over their first love if they wanted to. He's maybe keeping his distant from you because he doesn't know what to do. He wants to be with you but he still thinks about his ex alot. Maybe he said he couldn't handle a relationship with you because he didn't want to compare you with his ex because that's just plain harsh. If you're willin' to wait, then that's your choice. But it sounds like you have a long wait.

zas · #3 (**permalink**) 23-06-04, 02:02 AM

Thanks for replying, nobody has replied to me on any of these forums so far!
but anyway i talk to him on MSN, and over like the past few days he hasnt initiated conversation, i have, and when i do he barely says a word. i decided to not initiate convo for once, and he hasnt bothered saying anything yet. do i start the convo *again* or do i see if he comes to me?

thanks

KaWaiiSkYe · #4 (**permalink**) 23-06-04, 02:20 AM

If you start the convo with him like all the time he might get a bit irriated and find you a bit annoyin'. So cool it for a while and wait until he comes to you. You did say you'll wait. But while you're waitin'. You can go and have fun at the same time y'know. You might find someone new or get to know someone more and everythin' might turn out to be better than waitin' for this guy who might never get over his first love or even come back to you. No one knows. Whatever happens happen.

jslaughter · #5 (**permalink**) 23-06-04, 03:59 AM

It is human nature to not want something once you feel like it's yours and available to you whenever you want it. I would get out there and be busy - possibly even have a date or two. Once he feels the pressure of having to actually work for your attention he may come back around, but hopefully if he doesn't you will be too busy to notice!

MisINdpndT · #6 (**permalink**) 23-06-04, 04:07 AM

She is right. I know last time me and my Ex broke up for a lil while i started to not just want to mope around soo i dated and i told him about when he called. It made him feel like crap (which is what i wanted because i was at home almost everynight crying) and i think it made him realize that he did want me in his life. But just have fun when your ready. I know its hard when you care to just be like OH WELL im going dating... so take a lil time for your self and then get out there.

sfalexi · #7 (**permalink**) 23-06-04, 04:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zas

Thanks for replying, nobody has replied to me on any of these forums so far!

That's cause your ORIGINAL post was not even TWO HOURS before you complaining about no one replying. Not everyone checks this board hourly like you might. You have to give enough time for people to reply.

Rod Steele

squirrley · #8 (**permalink**) 23-06-04, 05:48 AM

Girl-hes obviously not over her yet-you need to give him space-its obvious he doesnt want to hurt you in the process here..by him being aloof it should tell you hes not ready to be involved with another person yet. Granted SHES over him but its not the other way around right now.

Seriously-the best thing you could do is just kick back-if you really like this guy give him the time he needs and or space-dont be bothering him all the time-let him come to you-youve already told him youd wait for him-thats all that needs to be said to him. Keeping the lines of communication is fine-but dont force yourself at him. And most importantly do whats best for you-hes going to need time to heal from this and youre not going to want to be the rebound gal! Maybe if hes starts to come around show LESS interest-damn games...but most guys are up for somewhat of a challenge. Dont allow yourself to get caught and wrapped into him-this could take awhile for him and who knows in the process someone else may come along and steal your heart!

zas · #9 (**permalink**) 23-06-04, 06:29 AM

[quote=sfalexi]That's cause your ORIGINAL post was not even TWO HOURS before you complaining about no one replying. Not everyone checks this board hourly like you might. You have to give enough time for people to reply.

ummm i meant other websites ? dont be so rude.

and

zas · #10 (**permalink**) 23-06-04, 06:32 AM

sorry did something. and yeah thanks everyone else, your views are much appreciated

zas · #11 (**permalink**) 26-06-04, 06:43 AM

ok, i've tried this backing off thing for a day or two, it seemed to have somewhat of an effect...but the thing is, im scared he will think i dont care atall? shall i just continue with my behaviour (backing off) and see what happens?

zas · #12 (**permalink**) 11-07-04, 04:38 AM

ok, i went on holiday for a week and didnt contact him. and he was all like "i missed u" and "i thought you'd gone off me" etc, but also i have noticed a change. we used to be quite affectionate all the time to each other in our conversations online, and now i noticed he's still like this, but not as often ? he seems to be too busy playing games rather than talking to me. I've decided to pretend to show less interest and see if he comes running, and it has worked. but i dont understand why he has changed ? can anyone try and explain this behaviour because i keep thinking he's gone off me but he says he hasnt atall.

swimmingNreverie · #13 (**permalink**) 12-07-04, 08:18 PM

He's confused, and pulling away because of it. Since he isn't over his ex, the thought of becoming emotionally attached to you is SCARY--it doesn't sound like his last relationship ended well at all, so the thought of diving into another one probably makes him really nervous.

The reason you backing down is working, is because, like jslaughter was saying--EVERYONE wants what they can't have. Especially since he knows he could have had you--then turned you away--and now is seeing how he might have made a mistake. You've expressed your feelings to him, so don't worry about him thinking you don't care anymore. He knows he told you he couldn't be in a relationship at the moment. What does he expect you to do? Pine over him just to boost his ego? He obvioiusly cares about you--I think the best thing for you to do right now is go out, have fun, go on dates, and wait for him to come around.

Good luck babe!

-Amanda

zas · #14 (**permalink**) 13-07-04, 05:13 AM

thanks for the advice, im gonna try real hard to back off, cos it worked before and hopefully will continue to !!

Cybog · #15 (**permalink**) 13-07-04, 09:06 AM

Exactly why are you still chasing after this guy?

What about him makes you want him so badly? Other than that you still "care about him a lot".

What does he do, say, think etc that makes you so attracted? Qualities etc.

And I ask these seriously, Im curious what your answers are.