The perfect guy
does exist.
Not the perfect guy per se, but the perfect guy for me.
We first met through work, I was seeing someone else at the time, a 2 year relationship, it was horrible, we'll call him M.
He cheated, lied, we even fought once or twice (and I'm not talking verbally). And then along came a new job and a new friend, we'll call him S.
We were friends for almost 2 months, first as acquaintances then as friends, we went out a few times to bars and talked a bit.
We really enjoyed eachother's company, it was nice to have a friend after things had fallen apart with M. M's ex-girlfriend and I started talking the day after we broke up. I had never spoken to her during our relationship, something I became aware of after our break up and I realized that it was mostly due to M. She told me that she had always thought I was nice, and was happy I was talking to her, she also let me know that he had been trying to sleep with her since we had started dating. She never told me before for fear that I wouldn't believe her and since she worked with M she did not want to cause any problems at work. I found e-mails from him to her telling her of how much he missed her...Do not ask me how I overlooked it, but when in an abusive relationship, a relationship that is a habit, you look for anything to believe that the worst is not really happening.
It has been almost a year since S and I have started dating.
Even the perfect relationship isn't perfect.
There was a stint last december when we weren't dating for a few weeks. We still talked, but we had some personal things to work out seperately. We were never mean to eachother, never interested in other people, our lives did not and do not revolve around our intimate relationships.
In January, we decided that we should be together, and everything has been great ever since. He moved in with me at the end of March 04.
Things that keep us going....well there are many. I think that some people on this forum need to hear them too.
Don't take your relationship too seriously. Remember, he/she is your friend first. If you can't hang out with eachother as you would with a friend (ie. not making out, not talking about sex all the time, or being jealous of everything) then you're not in it for the long haul. This doesn't mean you have to have everything in common, you just have to be open minded and actually care about the other person.
Talk.
Anytime in your life when you need something, want something, are hurt, anything, it's communicated through some kind of language (voice, body language, a letter...). Just because you're close with this particular friend doesn't mean they can read your mind.
"He/She doesn't understand me!" Most likely because you haven't come out and told them EXACTLY what you're thinking, or at least given them a hint.
"I don't know what he/she wants! Is he/she testing me?" If they are they shouldn't be. If you're not sure, ask. Going out, dating, having a partner, seeing someone, these are all pretty much the same thing, it represents a special friendship you have with someone, you care and they should care too. There should not be any room for games like that where friends are concerned. Honesty, trust, love...these are things that matter.
When was the last time you asked your partner about their goals and dreams and you helped them make active steps and decision towards realizing them? Even if just by verbally supporting them "you can do that, I know you can!"
The bad news? Some people take advantage of that.
Like M. M is one of those guys you hear about where around other people he is nice but he always made me feel like I could not do better. He liked knowing I cared, but only gave me enough to keep me with him, never going out of his way to make me happy. He thought it was enough.
Oh but how he was wrong.
When your mind tells you something doesn't add up, or something doesn't feel right and the feeling doesn't go away no matter how "well" things are going with your M: bail.
It's not the time to be thinking about eternity. It's the time to be enjoying your one life to it's fullest and with someone like M, you're not doing that.
You need an S. Someone who will listen when you talk, make comments to show active listening, that they heard and care.
Not someone who will roll their eyes at certain topics or cut you off to talk about themselves.
No one is perfect.
I know there are times when I am not doing something I should be or that I could be doing something better for S. Be he knows I'm not perfect, as I know he is not, and we accept eachother that way. I tell him everything, and I do not apologize for my shortcomings, but I express that I am aware of them. I am always trying to better myself, for me, for him, and anyone else in my life I care about.
I am always grateful. Never take advantage of someone or the things they do...ever hear that before? Ever really think about it? Has someone opened a door for you recently, given you a compliment, even smiled at you, what have you done?
How often do you say thank you?
I sound so preachy. It's because I'm sad. Many things I read about relationships make me sad, some people putting up with more than they should, some people not doing enough...
The fact that you're even on this forum though, it shows something...It's a start.
Congrats to all the happy couples.
Like me
I am no therapist but I am always willing to give an objective, un-biased view on your situation, just pm me...
I've been through a lot, not only with M, but others. Before S, I thought it was normal to be ignored sometimes, to yell and call eachother names, I thought these things happen, I thought I was too jealous, I thought that it was ok for him not to want to bring me to met his friends (not even once)...none of that is right. Not if you want to be happy.
People like that do not deserve to be in a relationship.
My question if you've made it to the end of this thread is: what is your relationship like right now if you have one? What would you like to change (if anything) and what do you plan to do about it? And if you're not seeing someone, are you happy? Since that is all that really matters.
Sometimes the hardest thing to accept is that it's not meant to be.
-mildwild
, cause this girl was and is my best friend 1st, I tell her everything... even if its stupid and she does the same 4 me. I love talking to her and want to know everything about her... yes even the silly little things.... and what worries her, what she loves... her hopes and dreams. We've had a tiny bump here or there but I'm a very firm believer
Linear Mode
