Big mistake!!! - Love Forum

mosquito · #1 (**permalink**) 05-08-04, 09:58 AM

Hey
I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months and we both love each other a lot. I think she's great and have no problems with her at all. Here's my huge problem: she's out of town for a couple weeks, and last night I went out to a bar with a female friend of mine. We were just there as friends and I had no intention of making any moves/accepting any move being put on me. We both drank way too much and neither of us even remember leaving the bar. The next thing either of us remembers is both of us waking up in my bed naked. I can only assume that we had some drunken sex.
Here's the question: would it be a good idea to tell my girlfriend about this, or would it do more good just not to say anything? If I don't tell her and she finds out that would be bad, but if I tell her and she reacts really badly, that's also bad. I don't remember anything about how it happened and neither does my friend! Does that fact help at all in my girlfriend not breaking up with me? I feel really guilty and want to be honest with her, but I don't want to hurt her anymore than I have to. I also really don't want her to break up with me, even though maybe I deserve it. I'm really not the cheating kind of guy, and I feel really horrible.
Also, I didn't find a used condom wrapper anywhere, so I have to go get an STD test now...but if I don't get the results back before she get's back to town, I'll be forced to tell her, because we don't use condoms and I couldn't put her at risk like that. Does anyone know how long STD results take to get back? I really screwed up...what should I do???
Thanks

Spanaway55 · #2 (**permalink**) 05-08-04, 10:45 AM

dude almost identical to what happened to me. And i felt so bad that, even though i didnt want to break up, i decided to tell her. I always want to be honest, so i told her. She took it really bad, and i felt equally bad telling her, and about what i had done. But she finally got over it. Some people know that what you did doesnt reflect on you, it was just a stupid mistake.. and hopefully your girl sees it the way you do. and to the std thing i dont know how long it takes. You might not have had sex, did you find any love juices or crusty stuff anywhere?? if you did THEN your in trouble

Don · #3 (**permalink**) 05-08-04, 11:37 AM

I'd just shut up ... your friend probably would not go around telling other people she had sex with you.

peachie · #4 (**permalink**) 05-08-04, 01:26 PM

Certain STDs need atleast a month of "dormancy" to show up on tests. The body won't register it as a health risk for a while...namely HIV/AIDS works this way. If you love your girlfriend the way you say you do, you should probably cut off sexual contact until you're sure you're clean...which may of course lead to you needing to tell her why so that she doesn't think she's become sexually un-appealing to you.

swimmingNreverie · #5 (**permalink**) 05-08-04, 08:58 PM

telling her is very risky... although, sometimes things that you try to hide have a way of coming out.. i don't see why it should unless your friend says something tho..

this just isn't something she'll take well (obviously).. but whether she would break up with you or not.. really depends on her..

GBRaul · #6 (**permalink**) 05-08-04, 09:01 PM

I personally believe that relationships are built on trust. I think you should tell her and promise (and make sure) you never do it again. Not that this makes your act any more forgiveable. But if your g/f finds out for herself what happened, you're in for more hell than you would get if you told her straight.

And telling her straight would get a load off your chest won't it? I think that people who lie would always have something weighing on their conscience, and I think that feeling sucks.

sweetdreamz018 · #7 (**permalink**) 06-08-04, 06:41 AM

Exactly what GBRaul said! I'm willing to bet that she'd be a heck of a lot angrier if she found out about this through someone else other than you. First of all, because you hid this from her, and second, when you hear things from someone else, sometimes the story isn't completely straight, and there's always the possibility of her hearing an even worse story, like maybe you weren't drunk or something, who knows!

So, you definately need to tell her, and, like Peachie said, you may need to wait a bit longer to see if you contracted an STD. I'm sorry such a thing happened, but I really hope everything works out for you and your girlfriend- good luck!