Advice needed please

[Only Me]

Hi all, its my first post here, so be gentle....

I met a lady about a month ago now, we seem to be of the same disposition, share the same thoughts and feelings about alomst everything, we've both been hurt previously in very similar ways, but by the same token, we want the same things out of a relationship too, we both have children, both have our own businesses, we seem to have common ground everywhere and understand just about every part of one anothers outlooks. She's a few years older than me (of little consequence to either of us, but thought i'd mention it all the same). My problem is, i've been hurt a few times now, seriously hurt,
seperated from my wife about 18 months ago, lost my school sweetheart previous to that after a 3 year relationship (engaged and living together), none of the women i've seen since the marriage split have been right for me, but I think that 'A' could be the one.

I'm scared to death if truth be known, I know i'm falling for her, christ, its 04:20am, i've been up all night mulling things over, E mailed her about half a dozen times, then cancelled rather than sent them. I want to tell her how i really feel, I want to make a go of things and I know she does too, what scares me is firstly telling her all this might well be too much too soon, and the last thing i want to do is scare her off, I couldn't bare to loose her, she means everything to me. The other thing on my mind is that I know i'm wide open to getting hurt again if something goes wrong.

Part of me says lay it all out on the table, just tell her everything and hope that she can take it all in and understand where i'm coming from, perhaps she feels the same? I dont know? The other part of me says cut and run now before i get in any deeper, it'll be much easier to get out now than weeks, months or years down the line.

I'm at a dead loss as to where to go from here, anyone, please..... help!

[GBRaul]

1. What are you looking for now as in what do you want from a possible relationship etc.? Do you really like her?
2. How long have the two of you known each other and what have you two done together?

I think you need to answer these questions first. What you've said is pretty vague to me.

[Anthony]

I can definitely understand your reluctance to enter into another serious relationship after being seriously hurt by previous ones: I have the same difficulty.

On the rare occasion that I find myself considering being involved with someone and become reluctant because of painful experiences in the past, I've always found it helpful to imagine the types of things I could be missing if I chose not to enter into that relationship.

If you consider the trust, support and companionship you could receive by persuing your feelings, even if there was a risk that you could suffer serious emotional distress from an unfortunate turn of events, could you bring yourself to walk away before giving the relationship a chance?

I personally would never be able to forgive myself if I walked away from someone because of events that were no fault of their own, therefore even if it's quite difficult and stressful, I make certain to give new relationships a fair chance.

Ideally, the other person would be understanding and supportive, especially if things needed to move quite a bit more slowly to allow me time to adjust and become more comfortable with the prospect of being in a long-term relationship.

I suggest that you talk with your partner about this, and gently try to ease into the subject, explaining some of the difficulties you've encountered in the past. Hopefully she'll be able to offer you the support you're looking to find.