Dating Someone With a Disability

[nomas]

Modesties aside, I consider myself to have a very selfless character. I LOVE to serve. I have volunteered for many things and I feel great doing it. Maybe this plays into my stance. Maybe it's my desire for the "what can I do for you" that attracts me to someone who I can be of service to...but this is not to be confused with romance, I guess.

Freddie

[jslaughter]

Freddie -

and do you happen to have a single brother in the Florida Panhandle area?

I have a friend who says that I am a "true servant" - I think that's why I like being involved with church so much there are always lots of worthy projects to get involved in. My High School motto was Serviam - "I will Serve" words I still take to heart. (And read almost daily on the bookmark I've kept for the past ten years!)

[nomas]

Actually, that's one great thing I did learn and keep dear from my involvement at the Church. Service. If everyone had that frame of mind..there would be no war. Ha ha.. Actually, we do need a balance. We have to have some people be takers too, I think, because if it's made up of all givers, we'd get in each other's way..

"Allow me, please"
"No, no, no, no, good sir, allow me"
"No, I insist, please"
"I'm afraid I cannot do that, you are my guest"
"Ah, but you are my host and you must let me express my appreciation"
"It doesn't work that way, see, now let me"
"NO, ME"
"ME"
*POW*
*CRASH*
*BANG*

"What happened here?"
"Sorry officer, but he wouldn't let me take out the garbage and I had to shoot him"
"I see...well I'm going to have to cuff you"
"No, no, no, officer, allow me to cuff myself"
"Absolutely not, you're in enough trouble as it is, let me do what I can to make your arrest more pleasureable"
"No, no no there is no way I will-" *BANG*
"Damn civilians...well, at least now I can take out the trash without casualties"

Freddie

[PAgirl7]

So, Illusional, I guess my question to you is what if the person has had this disability all their life- such as a birth defect like Spina Bifida- and they weren't dealing with emotional stresses from it? If it was just a part of their every day life and they were already used to it, what then? If it wasn't emotionally draining on that person or yourself what do you think?

Obviously this is completely speculation since most of the people here probably haven't been faced with this situation. But I'm simply curious. And I don't think anyone here sounds superficial, because really you don't know for sure until you're faced with it.

[PAgirl7]

LMAO Freddie! Where DO you get this stuff?

[nomas]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PAgirl7

LMAO Freddie! Where DO you get this stuff?

www.fredsbrain.com

that's where...

I do not make myself responsible for the content of this website if in fact it exists..the ideas an nature of the material of www.fredsbrain.com is solely the opinion of www.fredsbrain.com and does not represent the ideas and opinions of the Freddie signing below.

Freddie

[PAgirl7]

hahaha! Oh geez! You're a character!

[jslaughter]

Freddie you are toooooo funny!

[sfalexi]

Excellent question.

I wouldn't have any problem dating someone with a disability. Of course depending on the disability and depending on how well I know them. My first girlfriend had scoliosis (curved spinal cord). It really didn't show however. The only way I knew was because she told me and she had a huge scar on her back where they had to do surgery and infuse titanium bars to her spinal cord. Also, she couldn't do any REALLY rough things (like ride roller coasters, play any sort of full contact sport, etc.) But other than that it wasn't much of a problem.

But I'd be fine with a fake leg, a missing arm, stuff like that. A paralized person I'm not to sure on because I have a very active lifestyle and wouldn't know whether they could participate in it.

Alexi

[Illusional]

wow PAgirl..that is a pretty obvious birth defect. personally, "I" don't like fat girls. i wouldn't date a girl if she was over weight. she might have the greatest personality in the world, but i couldn't possiblly see myself with her down the road. it's sounds shallow but it's something that i value highly...good health. i think that the birth defect would mainly be a problem for me. in a girl i look at both inside and out. i feel that if you're going to be with one woman for the rest of your life, she might as well be close to perfect. she might be fine with her defect, but i think that it would get to me. it would take a long time for me to get used to it if anything, and i doubt i would go that far. friends is no problems, but in a gf, that's a different story for me. raverboy

[PAgirl7]

No one can accuse you of not being honest! So then are you saying that if it was a very OBVIOUS birth defect that you wouldn't date them? Even if she was gorgeous aside from the defect?

[Illusional]

yes. i'm a really picky person. for some weird reason, i tend to finds all the little things about people. i'll notice that you have freckles, or that you have a beauty spot right over your left eye. small things like that stick out within me for some reason. people can be extremely sexy all around, but no one is perfect. i'm not searching for the perfect 10, but i'll take a 9.5. hahah j/k

raverboy

[PAgirl7]

Wow. I've known some really picky guys, but I think you take the cake! Good luck with that! Hehehe!

[chrisodeo]

Overweight does not equal unhealthy. According to the Us Govt, anyone with a BMI over 25 is classified as overweight. Do you know what this means? It means that 90% of America is overweight. Ben Affleck, Russel Crowe, and even Jennifer Lopez are over the government-defined ideal body type. You're telling me that if J-Lo walked up to you and asked you to follow into her bedroom, you wouldn't do it? (Pardon my puns.) Besides, if it's the health thing that turns you off, having sex before marriage isn't the healthiest thing either.

As for being on topic, I am dating someone with a disability. It hardly ever makes any difference in our lives though. My girlfriend has epilepsy. Once in a while she'll tell me she forgot something I just said; that can be a seziure. Her mind just blinks off and right back on again, like someone just flicked a little light switch in her head. They get a little worse certain days, because of hormones being weird. Not too big of a problem. She's never had a grand mal (worst kind) in front of me, and hopefully she won't have one ever again. Her meds are working, thankfully, and those 'abscense seziures' are as bad as it usually gets now. I love her no matter what problems she has though.

[nomas]

What defines superficial? What defines one being shallow? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so either way, if you are attracted to someone for their personality, versus someone who is attracted to them for their eyes. In the end, attraction is attraction and no matter how much weight you put on one category than another, where's the demarcation point that makes you shallow versus deep. In your preferences and scale by which you measure attraction?

Okay, some may say that the key is physical beauty versus intangibles. But even if this was the case, there is a double standard here too. Looking at features such as eyes, hair, jawbone, skin texture are somehow placed in a totally separate category than looking at the shallow features of breasts, ass, and probably even legs, when all these features are as physical as the next.

What made me think of this is PA saying "even if she was gorgeous in every other way". When I pictured a gorgeous girl, then added a disability, but still a girl being drop dead gorgeous...Say a Catherine Zeta Jones who can't hear... the disability is easily brushed aside in importance next to such beauty. Does this make me shallow for weighing physical beauty so highly, or does this make me deep for not letting a disability have any importance??

Maybe I've mixed too many factors together...oh well, I do that...

Freddie