If you knew Death was comming, would you let love prevail ? - Love Forum

BillyGalbreath · #1 (**permalink**) 20-08-04, 03:54 AM

As you all know - or maybe you dont.. I have been talking to this woman for a few months now. We met online, and we chat online and talk on the phone all the time.. We have grown very close to each other in our conversations. We dont really have much in common, but we get along like nothing else. She reminds me alot of how my ex, Robin (the best relationship I ever had), in how she acts and treats me. I love it, to tell you the truth. She doesnt give give give, and neither does she want want want. Its hard to explain.

ANYWAYS... we've never met in person, but times are groing nearer of the day we are gonna meet in person. We are damned good friends already, and we both can already tell we would be best of friends in person. She lives about 15 minutes away from my house, so its not going to be hard to see each other - we are just taking things slowly to be sure of things...

We talk about all kinds of things like past experiences, to all the little nothing conversations that are fun, but serve no purpose at all. We have grown so close to each other that we are telling each other little secrets that no one else knows and stuff... Well, last night she told me one of her secrets that is only between her, her mother, and her grandmother... It blew me away. I did not get pushed away by the secret or anything... In fact it has made me more eager to meet her.

She has an illness that she was born with. I wont go into details about it, but the doctors gave her a deadline on her life. She was suppossed to die at 16. She is now 20 (1 month younger than me)...

This illness is not noticable at all. I dont think it makes her feel any different than any of us, except for the mental aspect of it.. You can look at her and not tell she is sick. Its perfectly hidden from the world. But it could kill her at any moment.

Now here lies the problem.. I really like her alot, and I would love to meet her and see where things go. Maybe we wont like each other much in person.. Maybe we will make best of friends and thats it.. Maybe we will fall in love.. Who the hell knows, right ? If I fall in love with her I will want to marry her and all that good junk. And over time we will grow extremely close. We will become 'one'. etc etc.. Well.. if she gets sicker and dies... its going to hurt me badly. I know this. I will be heartbroken all over again. But my theory is that it will be worse because it isn't because of a mistake, or someone falling out of love with the other.. we would be in love and happy together all the way thru the last second. THATS what scares me a bit. THAT is what will hurt the most.

I am the type of guy that always thought "to have loved and lost, is better to have never lved at all" is a bunch of crock... Well, this little encounter has made me realize just how stupid and wrong I was. I think all the pain I will go thru if she dies would definately be worth the short or long time that we spend together. It would pain me that she is gone... But I would not regret making the choice to get with her. I would not forget the memories we had together. I would love her forever. And it will pain me. Badly... But it will be worth it to be with her and to give her everything I can while she is here. To make her happy with her remaining days in this life would be the second greatest blessing of my entire life (first blessing is always kids for me).

I don't know what to do tho. Sometimes i think i wouldn't be able to handle it. I think maybe I will act differently towards her while she is here because i KNOW she is goinng to be gone later. Sometimes i think it will be good and i will do everything to make her happy and give her my all.. And then sometimes i think it will pain me while she is here.

So I am asking everyone... What would you do ? Would you let things happen and fall in love if it happens.. Or will you save yourself the heartache and stop things now ?

PAgirl7 · #2 (**permalink**) 20-08-04, 04:55 AM

A song comes to mind. It's from West Side Story- the song that Tony and Maria sing to each other, "One Hand, One Heart". There's a gorgeous line in it that says "even death won't part us now". I think that says it all.

jslaughter · #3 (**permalink**) 20-08-04, 05:42 AM

There are no guarantees in this life - for all you know the doctors could be wrong she could live to be 90 and you my friend could get hit by a bus, stepping off a curb, and not watching where you are going. You cannot live your life according to "what ifs" - she's here now and she appears to be healthy, doctors merely do the best they have with the information they have at the time, but they do not have a secret pipeline or window into the future.

Jules

BillyGalbreath · #4 (**permalink**) 20-08-04, 06:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jslaughter

There are no guarantees in this life - for all you know the doctors could be wrong she could live to be 90 and you my friend could get hit by a bus, stepping off a curb, and not watching where you are going. You cannot live your life according to "what ifs" - she's here now and she appears to be healthy, doctors merely do the best they have with the information they have at the time, but they do not have a secret pipeline or window into the future.

Jules

Brilliant ! Thats all i needed to hear - sometimes i get so involved in the situation i forget to step back and think about everything... especially when it is something that effects me...

Thanks, jslaughter !

Prodigal · #5 (**permalink**) 20-08-04, 07:05 AM

No, I would go for it. She could be the one for you. Even if she does end up dying, at least she knew in her heart that you loved her, and you know that she loved you. I don't know about you, but for me... if it was like that with me and a girl, it would get me through for a long time. You can't just let your opportunities pass you by- this seems golden. And you can't stop your feelings- if your feelings say one thing, you gotta go with it. Going against them is going to make you feel like crap. What if something happened and you could never tell her, or even get to meet her in person to tell her what a great friend she is to you? In my opinion, that would be a lot worse than being able to tell her and losing her later on. Although it seems hard, you gotta just go for it. If you left it now, do you think there would be no heartbreak? I think it would be worse, knowing that I could have done something and didn't. I would rather have gone for it, put my all into it... to show your resolve. I don't think there would be anything you would regret.

Illusional · #6 (**permalink**) 20-08-04, 11:20 AM

if i were you, i would also go for it. first, she's already past her time which means that the doctors were wrong. her expiration date?? she's already lived past it, which means that she is in good health and will live a lot longer. i feel that you can't really predict when a person will die, it's based more so on how they live, or how they want to live.

secondly, you will always wonder.. wonder about what could've happened. i would tell you the future is uncertain, and there are many paths that you could follow. instead of following one, create your own, and see where it will take you. you never know, she might outlive you. raverboy

sweet200 · #7 (**permalink**) 20-08-04, 12:48 PM

if I were you i'd stop focussing onb the dying part (well we're all going to dieanyway). Take each day at a time. If a time ever comes when she falls seriously ill then at that moment your are 'allowed' to engage your thoughts till then sieze the moments. What's more- perfectly healthy people sometimes just drop and die (had a friend who did exactly that 2 years ago age 24). So really there's no telling in life. I say go for it and don't love her out of sympathy or something like that. Love her for the beautiful woman that she is, for the little ways she makes ur world a better place and to heck with what Illusional calls 'expiry dates'.
Be happy now!!!

Illusional · #8 (**permalink**) 20-08-04, 05:57 PM

exactly, live like my tattoo says, "live for the moment"

raverboy

sweet200 · #9 (**permalink**) 20-08-04, 05:58 PM

Illusional ha ha GO YOU!

Cybog · #10 (**permalink**) 20-08-04, 07:54 PM

I agree with the above posters, BUT, either way, you havent even met this girl in real life. I wouldnt let all these crazy ideas get into your head about "What if?!" before you have even spoke face to face. It isnt fair to you or her.

Take it one day at a time.

BillyGalbreath · #11 (**permalink**) 20-08-04, 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cybog

I agree with the above posters, BUT, either way, you havent even met this girl in real life. I wouldnt let all these crazy ideas get into your head about "What if?!" before you have even spoke face to face. It isnt fair to you or her.

Take it one day at a time.

I know. I just try to understand the paths i go down before i go down them. I dont like suprises...

blue · #12 (**permalink**) 20-08-04, 11:53 PM

Go for it and be happy. live & love if it comes down to it.

Illusional · #13 (**permalink**) 21-08-04, 05:20 AM

haha sweet, i figure that you're only gonna live once so why regret things in life. it's too short to sit around and ponder things. just say **** it and move on with the situation. raverboy

Anthony · #14 (**permalink**) 22-08-04, 02:59 PM

I suggest that you take the risk. Whether the relationship prospers for a very long time or ends sadly, you'll never regret that you followed your feelings.

BillyGalbreath · #15 (**permalink**) 23-08-04, 10:35 PM

***UPDATE***

Her and I dont make a very good couple... mostly because another girl has stepped into the picture and she has stepped back. She claims she doesnt want to fight over 'it'... So like usual... I'm going with the flow of things. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. So why try to fight whats comming ? And besides, i dont think her and I would have gotten too much closer than we already have gotten.. Me and this other girl are already super close... Sry.. no details on this one.

***END UPDATE***

I now leave this thread amongst the rest of you to discuss what you would do in the above mentioned (first post) dilema.