Marriage Question - Love Forum

luvtif · #1 (**permalink**) 02-09-04, 12:27 AM

Ok, I have been with my bf for almost 6 years. we've always talked about marriage, but now that we are finishing up college, we are really getting serious about it. I can't wait. He on the other hand says that he wants to, but doesn't act on it. We don't go look at rings or anything-it won't magically happen and he knows that. he claims he wants to get married next summer, but i've told him how long it takes to plan a wedding and he still won't get serious about it. guys, especially, but girls may have some insight also, what is his hold up? what do you think is holding him back? are guys scared of marriage? oh by the way i am 21 and he is 23. thanks

LucidDream · #2 (**permalink**) 02-09-04, 07:59 AM

Im no expert on the subject, but I think marrage is a big commitment, one that you dont rush into. Sure, you can devorce, but thats not usualy pritty.
Personaly, I want to get hitched at about age 25-28.
But its different for everyone, 21 might be the ideal age for you, and 23 might be right for him.

luvtif · #3 (**permalink**) 02-09-04, 08:06 AM

well considering we've been together for 6 years, i don't think we're rushing. and divorce is not an option for me nor for him, but we have been through plenty of trials and tribulations and it always works out and makes us even better. i know that we will always be together. we love each other too much-and yes i know love is not enough-i invented that phrase. he knows he wants to be with me forever, but maybe no matter how much he really does feel that way, its still scary to commit.

GBRaul · #4 (**permalink**) 02-09-04, 10:57 AM

He might find it scary to commit. It really doesn't matter if you give him some more time right? You are still young! And I don't think he has a job yet since you are just finishing college. Maybe he wants a career first before he proposes? You can just talk to him about it, and highlight that it takes really long to plan a wedding. And if you are very sure he wants to get married, ask him why he doesn't act on it.

sfalexi · #5 (**permalink**) 02-09-04, 11:13 PM

I think GBR brings up a good point (the one I was going to bring up). He's young. Is he set in a career? Maybe he DOES want marriage, but feels uneasy doing it when he isn't set in a career and doesn't know if he'll be able to support you. Does he even have the money for a nice ring? Maybe he doesn't want to buy you a cracker jack ring and wants to wait until he can afford a nice one. And if he DOES have money for a ring, does he have money for anything else? A honeymoon? Do you live together? If not, can you afford to? These are all things that I want to be able to do know I can provide before marrying someone. Maybe he's thinking along the same lines.

Rod Steele

luvtif · #6 (**permalink**) 03-09-04, 07:40 AM

i have asked him and talked to him about all of these things. he says the whole college graduation/career thing doesn't matter. he said that would not have an effect on when he wants to get married. i will be getting a real job in january-enough to support both of us. (we don't really know when he'll graduate.) i even said we could figure out some way to buy a ring. believe me-hes not all worried about getting me a huge one-hes not like that. and he has never said that he doesn't want things to be that way. he just doesn't act on what he says he wants. ?????