Realizing what you want... - Love Forum

pofforandy · #1 (**permalink**) 03-09-04, 09:44 AM

Hey guys, well, I'm a college student and I've had 2 serious relationships. The first one lasted 4 years with us dating for 2, breaking up for 3 months, then dating for another 2. The second one only lasted 2 months, but I waited almost a year before getting into the 2nd relationship.

Now, what I am trying to figure out is what type of personality I want. I know what I'm attracted to, but apparently that is not what works best with my personality...?

My first girlfriend was very outgoing, very sweet, and loved attention from me. I got tired of her constant need for attention. I couldn't even sit on the couch without her wondering why I didn't have my arm around her, or why I wasn't holding her hand. At the time, I thought I wasn't a very affectionate person. I tried to explain it to her, but the more time went by, the more she tried to claw for my affection. She basically followed me around like a puppydog. We would get into dumb arguements about it all the time, and I couldn't stand it anymore. I felt like she was pushing me away with her constant neediness.

Now, a year later, I meet another very outgoing, sweet girl, but the difference is that she is very independent. She didn't require all that much attention, and certainly wasn't at my beckon call like the last girl. This kinda seemed odd to me, I guess b/c I'd never experienced this type of behavior from a woman. I started to feel insecure about the relationship, b/c she would be the one wanting to go hang out with her friends, while I was the one stuck wanting to see her. I feel like the 2 past relationships are completely flip flopped. I would do anything for the new girl, and basically I was at her beckon call. The more I saw of her, the more I began to get upset with myself for running to her house anytime she asked. I felt like she was the one in control of when we saw each other.

We broke up recently, and I am still trying to get over her. I cared for her a great deal, even though we were only together for 2 months. I am still trying to figure out exactly what type of woman I want. I wanted one that wasn't clingy like my ex, and I found one, yet I still wasn't happy.

How do you find out exactly what you want?

squirrley · #2 (**permalink**) 03-09-04, 10:34 AM

poffo~I have so much to say to this, but its late. I will write in the morning when Im thinking clearly! Promise I have been thinkng about this one for about 10 minutes, and know what youre going through, and just well i need to gather my thoughts so that I come across clearly. Its been a long day for me. I be back!

pofforandy · #3 (**permalink**) 07-09-04, 02:08 AM

Any thoughts?

PandaCivic · #4 (**permalink**) 07-09-04, 02:35 AM

same here, i want to know the same thing! i've been several relationships but i only cared for 2 of them. the other relationships, were just fun, i think i was mainly dumped because i wasn't serious in it. sux to be me i guess. but now i want to know what i want. like pofforandy says, we both know what we are attracted to, but i have no clue what kind of girl fits with me. even tho relationships require work, i still need to know what foundation i should start with and improve on. i love girls! haha.

zas · #5 (**permalink**) 07-09-04, 06:09 AM

you wanna go for the independent girl, because gathering what you've said the clingy girl just gets annoying, and i can see why...it is extremely irritating when guys do it to me. its basically trial and error! but i spose you could tell the type of girl she would be likely to be by the way she is around you, like someone you met for example. what i mean is a girl who isnt constantly calling, goes out and has fun, has a job...etc etc. but not out ALL the time, someone who you feel has a good balance.

im not making any sense am i =S

KirstyM · #6 (**permalink**) 07-09-04, 08:57 AM

You dont need to choose between a clingy person and an independant person. You just need to find someone who fits that middle category.