how do i stop myself

[Kelly1]

ok, i have just realised a big problem i have. i posted a while back about this guy, i have known him for years, we ended up having a sexual relationship for a while, he just keeps on coming back, this time he has said things will change, well if they will we will see, but i have just realised why i keep driving him away, i think it is because i havr this habit after we get a bit close that i become this total control freak and freak out over the slightest thing. he is in the army, sometimes, we wouldn't have contact for a while, and then he would text, and we wouldn't see each other for 2 weeks, and things would be fine, they are great, we see each other, things are great, he goes back, and 2-3 days later i am freaking out over wheather he is still gonna want to see me, where as, before we had seen each other, if i had texted him, and he didn't text back until a couple of hours later, that would have been fine, no worries, now if he doesn't write back straight away, i am thinking he already has another girl. what is the matter with me, i know i have some serious relationship issues, but this is ridiculas. like we saw each other last week, then he went away for the weekend, so he didn't text that much, i know he was busy, but i can't get it into my think head that he was busy, when he had time he wrote, and yesterday he didn't write until he said good night, and i was freaking out the whole night, i couldn't stop thinking about he might not be interested anymore, and this morning i felt pysically sick thinking about why he only wrote so less. i am a serious mess, and i don't think it will ever stop. i drive him away because i am like this, i mean who wants to have something with a complete control freak. my god i need help.

[memosa645]

i used to be the same way and i lost my love because of that. since then i realized that people just don't move at the speed i want them to. i was the same way. if i did;nt get a call back or something quickly, it was like.." what the f--k!!!" ask him how he feels, maybe that could rest some of the feeling you have.

[Kelly1]

hi,

well i know how he feels, he is in the army, i am here, we are both doing our thing, we aren't officially together, maybe, we will be together one day, we just don't know, he doesn't want a proper relationship, he reckons it wouldn't be fair on me, ok, he is there if i need him, he has changed since the last time we had just the sex thing, the difference is now- he is still there, the other times he would just get in touch when he had time. so if he even writes a text where he doesn't even seem too happy, i just assume it is because of me, and i am making myself sick with it, i am not obsessed with him, i don't want to get hurt, and i do have my guard up, trying to protect myself, BUT on the other hand, if he doesn't write straight back i go out if my mind. Yesterday i ended up phoning him asking why he hadn't texted, i mean , how much more is he going to take, he said himself he would change, if he doesn't then, you know, i have to live with that, he said he isn't using me, ok, i don't know if he is, but as i said, he is still there, and he even mentioned the future together, so why in gods name do i have to react like this to the smallest thing. The thing is, i am not only like it towards him, but my mates aswell. is there even a name for my condition except, freak?

[GBRaul]

Ok. I think there's something wrong with you. Seriously, how could you be so suspicious of anyone? I think if you go on like this, he's not going to want to be with you. Personally I wouldn't want to be with an over-possessive girl cos she'd take up all of my time. It's important in a relationship that both people give each other some personal space. Though not too much of course. In your case you don't seem to want to give him any personal space cos you freak out just because he doesn't write back straight. What would happen if one day his phone ran out of batt? And you're like that to your friends too... that's not right.

Anyway, you wanted to know whether there's a name for your condition. Do you have an extraordinarily bad memory like doing things over again when you've already done them? If so, chances are you may have dementia. If not, you would probably have what people call a personality disorder - you are emotionally needy. You may want to talk to a doctor about this. I don't know. And I hope I'm not scaring you.

[Kelly1]

And I hope I'm not scaring you.[/QUOTE]
ok, you are a bit. i just think that when he doesn't write back, that it's all over, you know, i am not good at the whole relationship thing, and as i said, he is in the army, and we said we would see what happens. he has told me i am the only one he wants to be with. i shouldn't think like this. like i know tonight i am probably going to end up in a wreck again, if i could just leave him for a couple of days, but i am too scared i am gonna lose him. i had a relationship for 3 years, and i let that slip through my fingers in a matter of seconds, i always said i would fight for what i wanted, even though i don't have to fight, i feel that i might have to, i don't know.

[BillyGalbreath]

...Anyway, you wanted to know whether there's a name for your condition. Do you have an extraordinarily bad memory like doing things over again when you've already done them? If so, chances are you may have dementia. If not, you would probably have what people call a personality disorder - you are emotionally needy. You may want to talk to a doctor about this. I don't know. And I hope I'm not scaring you.

I dont have dementia, but I do know I have a personality disorder. I actually have quite a few. I am bipolar. I have social phobia. And I am emotionally "needy" (I like to say dependent - it sounds sooo much better than needy - but yeah - its the same thing).

I for one am looking into getting a doctor and finding out for sure if I really am these things - I do not know for sure - but from what I have read on the internet, these are the things I match perfectly.

And Kelly, don't be scared. It's perfectly fine that you have personality disabilities. Don't be scared of them or the doctors. Just get the help you need. The first step is recognizing you have a problem. The second step is to find help. I am working on my second step. You need to figure out for yourself if you have a disability. If so, don't fret.. Just get help.

[KirstyM]

To me it sounds like your only problem, Kelly, is insecurity.

There is nothing wrong with you, however feeling insecure isn't a very nice feeling.

To be honest I dont really know how to deal with insecurity but there is bound to be plenty of information on the net. Or you could talk to him so he understands how you're feeling - not necessarily as a partner, but tell him as a friend.