no call since 4th date... - Love Forum

momo · #1 (**permalink**) 04-09-04, 04:13 AM

Can anyone help... I have gone on 4 dates with a really nice guy got along really well and had fun but I initiated the last 2 dates and I haven't heard from him in 4 days now. Should I be thinking he doesn't want to bother with another date or call him? how long do guys usually take to call?

zas · #2 (**permalink**) 04-09-04, 05:20 AM

ARGH!!!!! you shouldnt have initiated the dates! men dont do being chased, just dont contact him and maybe he'll start to chase you.

momo · #3 (**permalink**) 04-09-04, 05:25 AM

He asked me out for the first one and initiated meeting in the first place and then called me about the second and then I asked him about the third and the night after the thrid date we hung out for two hours because I saw a horrible movie and wanted to get it out of my head so I called him and he said I should come by his place. Now it's been 4 days and nothing no e-mails or phone calls and our first few dates were only 3 days apart from each other.

I don't think that's all that bad but now I am wondering so do you think that's it with this guy or should I just keep waiting or call him?

Quote:

Originally Posted by zas

ARGH!!!!! you shouldnt have initiated the dates! men dont do being chased, just dont contact him and maybe he'll start to chase you.

MJK · #4 (**permalink**) 04-09-04, 05:36 AM

He might just be busy, anyway if i were you i would call him
Maybe hes just waiting for you to call him

jslaughter · #5 (**permalink**) 04-09-04, 05:49 AM

I'm in a similar situation - Peter and I have had half a dozen dates and in the past few weeks he has been pulling away a little bit. I will give you the advice that everyone has given me - BE BUSY and let him chase you, maybe things SHOULD be equal but they aren't, guys like to be the pursuer and the minute he thinks he's got you - he's over it.

Tonight I have a date with someone else - I plan to not answer my cell and be vague about my whereabouts - the guy I am going with tonight is a total player and will just be thrilled to have someone listening to him talk about himself so the fact I would rather be out with someone else won't even matter.

*sigh* the things we do for love...

Ratfish256 · #6 (**permalink**) 05-09-04, 11:22 PM

Hell chasing is so much freaking work, I would love to be chased for once.

sfalexi · #7 (**permalink**) 05-09-04, 11:58 PM

[IMG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jslaughter

I'm in a similar situation - Peter and I have had half a dozen dates and in the past few weeks he has been pulling away a little bit. I will give you the advice that everyone has given me - BE BUSY and let him chase you, maybe things SHOULD be equal but they aren't, guys like to be the pursuer and the minute he thinks he's got you - he's over it.

As a guy, I completely disagree with this. I (and every other guy that I talk to) HATE stupid head games like this "be busy" crap. You wanna find out what's up, ask him. Plain and simple. When a girl starts to play head games, I just consider her to be a ****ing retard and not worthy of a relationships if all she wants to do is play these games to see who "wins". Same with every guy I've spoken to. Any time a girl all of a sudden gets "busy" and stops calling or returning my phone calls in a prompt fashion, I say it's not worth it. I'm not going to waste my time and energy pursuing someone if they are so busy I wouldn't even be able to have a normal relationship with them.

I say call him and ask him. Or just say, "Hey. We've gone out a couple times. I haven't heard from you though in a little while. You still want to go out?" If he skirts around the issue just say, "Allright. Bottom line, I like you. I think you're a fun person. But I'm tired of being the one to call all the time. So if you wanna go out again, give me a call. If not, that's cool too and thanks for the fun dates we had."

I HATE head games.

Rod Steele

mark20 · #8 (**permalink**) 06-09-04, 07:34 AM

I agree with you all the way sfalexi, can't stand those head games! In my experience I find girls enjoy the chasing games more than men as in the majority of situations the ball is almost always in the girl's court and it is her that seems to be in control. It gives a girl great confidence to know that she has a man wrapped around her finger who is willing to do whatever she pleases. As a guy I would love to see a girl avoiding all the mental games and just coming out about how she feels. It would make life so much easier! I do feel however that the mind games are a natural part of the attraction process between men and women and we are forced to conform to the rules to a certain degree in order to be successful.

I feel the best thing you can do in this situation is just call him, say you'd like to meet up again but that you were wondering why you hadn't heard from him in such a long time. Tell him you're interested in seeing him more but don't go too overboard with regards to your feelings - don't want to scare him away! Be sure and let us know how things go!

- Mark

Sublimejew · #9 (**permalink**) 06-09-04, 07:48 AM

i personally disagree i hate how girls never have to ask out guys on dates, i personally think the whole head games idea is stupid, and love should be equal it shouldnt be i should have to chase u for u to love me. my 2 cents worth (tho its probably not worth that much~)

mark20 · #10 (**permalink**) 06-09-04, 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sublimejew

i personally disagree i hate how girls never have to ask out guys on dates, i personally think the whole head games idea is stupid, and love should be equal it shouldnt be i should have to chase u for u to love me. my 2 cents worth (tho its probably not worth that much~)

I think what you say is nice, and in an ideal world it would be perfect. This, however, is the real world and like it or not these games are a reality. If you like someone you can hardly walk up and declare your undying love! They would obviously run a mile. When you do this it is making you look desperate - it is such a turn off. I personally know girls who are very forward with their feelings and I simply do not find them attractive. It all goes back to the "you want what you cannot" have scenario. It is sad, but I'm afraid in my experience it is true.

Also you have to remember that this game playing process occurs relatively near the first encounter with a potential girlfriend/boyfriend. This stage has absolutely nothing to do with love; it is simply basic attraction, idealism and perhaps even infatuation. When, after time, you have come to actually love someone, these silly games are no longer played.

cyberken · #11 (**permalink**) 06-09-04, 02:33 PM

call him and just say hello and then if he doesnt pick up on it then let him go....

Cyberken

KirstyM · #12 (**permalink**) 06-09-04, 09:23 PM

If he had been chasing you so far, I'd say just wait, but since you initiated dates then just call him. He might be waiting for you to call. Ask if he's interested, but don't pressure him, if he sounds hesitant, say you had a good few dates but if he wants to leave it here that's fine.

momo · #13 (**permalink**) 07-09-04, 11:08 PM

ok so thanks all of you for your responses. I have to agree that I hate head games I wouldn't want someone to do that to me.. anyway curiosity got the better of me and I e-mailed him to see what was up and why I hadn't heard from him and he said he wasn't into it 100% and didn't want to go out again... oh well bummer but what can I do? I am glad he was honest and didn't just continue to ignore me.... SO now I have a new question for th eguys or girls to I guess... If you didn't know whether or not you were really into somone would you make out with them and then decided or would you wait to make out with someone until you knew for sure so no one got there feelings hurt? See he made out with em and we had all these great dates and I can't kiss somone the way he kissed me if I am not into them so I don't really get what happened. DO guys just do things so differently?

Fawn · #14 (**permalink**) 08-09-04, 12:52 AM

Its a circle. Guys find girls confusing. Girls find guys confusing. Its this constant run-a-round of general confusion. If that makes any sense. lol.

Theres two choices. Either he did enjoy the dates or he didn't (and was pretending). From his reaction of "he wasn't a 100% into you" most likely he meant it the first couple dates, but just didn't know how to turn you down after the last ones.

Its that unreliable "silent treatment/ignoring you" that is a big pain in the ass. If your left in the dark and never told what his feelings were; I can see where this can screw with your head.

momo · #15 (**permalink**) 08-09-04, 04:31 AM

Do any of you think if you ruined a good thing by going to fast that there might be hope of another chance if you became friends with the person and things slowed down for a while?