Could this be the one...?

[jakki2903]

Hi All,

I need some honest opinions...

I have been dating a man for a month. I like him alot and we get on really well. In the past I have been very hurt - I kind of let this control my future relationships and up until now hadn't been out with someone properly for about 8 months. My last few ‘serious’ relationships have all ended in disaster. My second proper boyfriend cheated on me and lied to me and was always on his mobile phone to other girls which has made me a bit paranoid over mobile phones. I am not however letting this affect my relationship. I find it very hard to trust and believe the good things he says to me. He said to me the other day that ‘he had been looking for someone like me all his life’. I was obviously over the moon at this statement then started to reflect on the past and wondered if he was serious or if it was just a line (I had done the deed a few weeks in (not intentional - we were both drunk and I guess it took away the awkwardness) so I it wasn’t said to get me into bed). We started off just seeing each other and I asked him yesterday ‘if we were still just seeing each other’ he responded by saying ‘do you want to be my girlfriend?’ I replied what do you want and he said he wanted me to be his girlfriend, so now we are official. My deepest worry is that he will change his mind. I’ve been out with a man before (well my first proper boyfriend) who told me he loved me after a week. Things were great for two months then he coldly dumped me and I found it so hard to believe that he could just switch his feelings off and on like that. Growing older I am aware that feelings do change - you can’t help it. I just don’t want it to happen again. I’ve never been in love and so want this one to be the one and the one that I love for the rest of my life.

Do you think he is sincere?? Let me know if you need more information.

Many thanks - Jakki

[GBRaul]

You'll never ever know if a person is sincere. Only he would know. But since the two of you are official already, I think you should trust him. Trust is very important in a relationship. And he said that he wanted you to be his girlfriend. So why not just trust him and see where this goes? And you said he didn't just say that so that you would bed him. At least that's already cleared. There's not much left to worry about is there? You shouldn't let past failures stop you from making this time a success. Good luck!

Actually how long have you known him? Do you know him very well? You only said you've been dating him for a month.

[jakki2903]

HI GBRaul,

I guess your right, I mean how does he know I'm sincere?? I need to stop worrying and focus on the future. We've been together a month and I've know him for just a little longer then that. I don't have any feelings for him - it's way too early but I do like him alot. I have never had anyone treat me as nicely as he has, spending time with him is wonderful. I have had a few worries and each time is has put me at ease. He said he want's something that lasts and I want the same. Infact he's the first man I've ever met who wants the same thing as me. They usually pull the 'just come out of a relationship - don't want another' line. He was cheated on in his previous relationship but he seems to be ok and trusting to me. Thanks for wishing me good luck - hopefully I won't need it!!

[GBRaul]

How old are you now?

[jakki2903]

I'm 24, will be 25 in March. He is 28 on 26th Sept

[GBRaul]

Then there shouldn't be a problem. I assume that both of you are mature adults lol. Have fun with this guy

[KirstyM]

Yeah I agree with GBRaul. It does sound like this guy is sincere so try to relax and learn to trust him, enjoy yourself in this relationship and dont let these concerns ruin it for you.

[PickupMan]

by his age men have finaly come to grips with the idea that they want marriage and family. what you need to do now is sit down with him and explain why u sometimes arent trusing, talk to your man woman all of u listen to this. Talk to us damnit we are not mind readers. explaion it to him he will understand. Second this is a new day, he is a new guys dont dwell on the past. Trust him until he gives you a reason not to trust him. going through life not trusting people is a terrible way to go. I have ben hurt alot, and i struggle with it too. Most importantly is dont make him think you are constantly comparing him to ex boyfriends u have had and dont make him think you are just waiting for him to mess up. Let out a little trust and see what happens. He sounds like a good guy, Withhold sex for a week, tell him your not feeling good, but just one week, if he makes the week withougt complaining then jump his bones a screw his head off the next week. BUt trust, trust is so important, If u can trust then u dont belong in a relationship, Period. u cant make beleive its one of those things that has to be there or it will fail. I wish u good luck and hope things work out for you