A Different Situation

[mp4]

Here's something new; I need to get OUT dating

I live an actually very boring life, I hate it really. I find it hard but I can usually fit into things eventually and be like other people, but as for the dating scene, that's a whole new avenue for me.. It's relatively untouched except for the few "what the hell?"'s. In example, last Fall my HS had a semi-formal dance - that was just dead man's zone for me, but I was persuaded into going with a nice girl that I was setup with. I'm sorry but that wasn't the best night of my life, I tried but it wasn't..

That's pretty much the beginning and ending of my meaningful dating, I'm completely dumb on it. I'd like to have someone I could take out on dates, have fun with, but it's just not happening apparently. First of all! I can be shy as hell, but if/when I feel comfortable I can be very calm. I spend alot! of time on computers, in and out of school, I'm not really looking to change my life to get out there for some action, I just need some advice on anything relevant. When I am somewhere I fit in, and am having a good time, I feel like nothing can break me down, but I do come back to reality by the end of the day

Part of my problem _I_ think is I'm not exactly who I want to be, to say what I want to be isn't possible, it's just a weird feeling that is hanging around in my head I have no idea what to do with. My friends that I know well I am fine around, I can joke and talk and talk, but yeah, put me in front of new people or even a girl I don't know well, I'm screwed!

Any thoughts?

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Wheeeee, yeah I used to be exactly like that too. In most cases I still do it, but not as bad. Around my friends I'm always happy and joke around but when I meet someone new I typically don't say much and just listen and absorb the situation. I dunno if it's being shy or just research on seeing how these people tick and disect them by their speech and actions. Either way is irrelevant the point is I know where you're coming from. The best thing to do is NOT to get out of dating, but to throw your ass into even more uncomfortable social situations. However there is one thing you need to do first. You say you hate your boring life and you aren't who you want to be. That's where you gotta start. Change what you don't like. The best part about being you is that you're the only thing in the world you can control. Don't like who you are? Guess what, you can play God and CONTROL that. Look inside yourself and make an inventory, find what you wanna change and stampede it. After that the whole being savvy with dating part just comes from experience and practice. I used to clam up when first with a girl. Now I'll be just as cheerful as with my friends because I really couldn't give a shit how well this date goes. Whether the date ends with a kiss or a cold door in the face, I'm going home happy. I'll be happy tomorrow and I'll be happy for the rest of my life (6.5 years of severe depression will swiftly teach you the value of being happy and facing darkness with a smile).

[daletom]

Are you looking for SOCIAL or RELATIONAL interaction? If it's social, you just answered your own question: find a group you're comfortable with, and participate! It might be a 4-H Club, or Explorer Scouts, or a Church fellowship group, or a co-ed athletic team, or something like Speech & Debate, Drama (there are tech as well as performing jobs in any stage production), or Yearbook at your H.S. My daughter's best H.S. friends were in either the Math Club (she has half a dozen trophies from various competitions) or the Tutoring club (and she picked up a little spending money from helping some middle school kids, as well). A lot of community-based "adult" clubs - like Lapidary clubs, African Violet societies, the local Historical Society, Pinochle clubs, etc - will eagerly welcome you as a member and let you interact with people from a wider range of ages and backgrounds. Some of the adults in these clubs have kids your age, and you'll get to meet them if you impress their parents.

If you're looking for RELATIONAL (boy/girl) interaction, it's a bit more difficult. If you're not one of the "cool" kids or part of the "in crowd", consider getting others to watch out on your behalf. Let your aunts, uncles, coaches, Scout leaders, Church youth workers, etc know that you need help meeting compatible people of the opposite sex. Don't choose "just anybody", though - it should be an older person who really knows you and has the best interests of young people at heart. (Your school friends are perhaps the worst choice - they'll just try to hook you up with whoever isn't attached at the moment. Which is probably OK for casual, non-relational activities that just get you out of the house for an evening but unlikely to lead to anything long term.) Adults who are in position to know you often recognize the sort of person you'd be compatible with, and either guide you in a search for that person or even introduce you.

(It worked for me: my first girlfriend lasted about 3 months at the end of H.S. My 2nd wasn't until after I graduated from college. That's lasted 31 years (so far); we were introduced by her aunt, whose husband pastored the church I attended at that time.)

[GBRaul]

31 years! That's wonderful! Anyway mp4, if you want to train yourself, just find anyone to talk to. Strangers. Anyone. Just talk to them. Especially old people who are sitting by themselves at a park or something. Chances are they want someone to talk to and they have a lot of meaningful things to tell people but no one listens. Go listen to them. Make friends with them. You'd see a whole new side of life, and at the same time you can overcome your fear of approaching strangers. THEN you can go approach the girl of your dreams.