once a cheater always a cheater? - Love Forum

Aden_Taylor · #1 (**permalink**) 29-09-04, 06:10 PM

Hello all im new to the site, and decided to ask for some advice.. ive been with a girl now for over 6 months.. and i found out that in a past relationship (2 years ago) she cheated on a past boyfirend by giving a guy a b.j and cheated on that boyfriend twice with the same guy.. she told me she broke up with the boyfriend shortly after it happened, she said to me that the relationship was going bad with the boyfriend and thats why it happend... but now i cant get the idea out of my head that once a cheater always a cheater.. when i first started dating her she was very flirty with other men..even told a guy to email her to a certain email acount so i wouldnt see it (she says he was a good friend) and didnt want to lose his friendship, but i didnt like the situation because she was flirty with him... we had a few discussions about it.. and since then shes not flirty with other men. she says she loves me and isnt interested in anyone else, should i let this past cheating bother me? or forget about it and leave it in her past.. she didnt cheat on me, she cheated on him.. is it okay to let this bother me so much? email me at sethik44@shaw.ca and post here

KirstyM · #2 (**permalink**) 29-09-04, 06:23 PM

People change. If she says she loves you and isnt interested in anyone else, then what is there to worry about.

sfalexi · #3 (**permalink**) 29-09-04, 10:14 PM

It would definitely bother me a bit, but then again that WAS two years ago. And people CAN change significantly in two years. But I personally would probably have it in the back of my mind and would be thinking doubly hard when she happens to come home late from a night out or something.

Rod Steele

MVPlaya · #4 (**permalink**) 30-09-04, 04:25 AM

Look, to me the whole cheating issue is really simple:

Don't worry.

Here's why:

Either she's a cheater and you shouldn't give a **** and just dump her, since she's clearly not worth your time.

Or...

She isn't a cheater and you have no reason to worry (and can **** things up with your controlling behaviour and jealous attitude).

Killerbabe · #5 (**permalink**) 30-09-04, 04:31 AM

Ummm... I don't think that "once a cheater, always a cheater" really applies to every case. Maybe her ex was a total loser and she was just bored and didn't really care about him that much. All you have to know is that she cares about YOU. If she does, then most likely she's not going to treat you the same way (b/c you actually MEAN something to her, hopefully, unlike the other guy.

Andy_S · #6 (**permalink**) 30-09-04, 05:02 AM

Dont worry too much about it mate. It was a VERY long time ago. Two years is loads of time for a person to change.

ps how old are you both?

luvtif · #7 (**permalink**) 30-09-04, 07:52 AM

hmmm, this is a tough one. as much as i hate cheaters, this does not seem to be a once-always case. different people with 2 years in between. i wouldn't worry about it. although she has swayed you-why in the world was she telling you this?? i wouldn't have bc now you are thinking this way!! i once would have said once a cheater always a cheater, but my bf is a reformed cheater from cheating on me. it was 2 years ago and he feels a lot more strongly about me. if that can be the case, then i'm sure your situation is fine!!

kanzaki · #8 (**permalink**) 02-10-04, 12:23 AM

well to me a person can change. this is what i think u can do

-keep a look out for any signs that she might have another affair
-try to believe in her, but to a certain extend. Nothing to far tho

but then,if she did cheat on you, i think u should take MvPlaya's advice. That kind of girl u should forget, tho it's kinda hard tho. But it is not worth it.

and sometimes, giving a person another chance could go a long way. This is what i advise u to do IF u are REALLYin LOVE with her. If she DID cheat on u, (there mite b a chance that she was confused at that time or mayb lack of attention or maybe some other problems) , there is 2 things u can do

1) ask for some time off each other. Not a permenent break up, but just to give each other some time and c if things work out or not.
2) ask and try to help with her prob that got into the way of ur relationship

Jenrick285 · #9 (**permalink**) 04-10-04, 11:32 AM

If she's keeping things from you (like other email addresses and such) so early on, what happens in months or years later? "It all begins with a little white lie".

A person can change, but cheating is still cheating, and if you wouldn't cheat on anyone in a exclusive relationship, jsut means you two don't share the same values.

If it causes you a bit of concern, then move on or it's gonna drive you nuts seeing things that aren't really there, or possibly are.

abercromqt20 · #10 (**permalink**) 04-10-04, 03:14 PM

i definately don't believe in that old addage. in ur situation too i would take it as a positive sign that she came out and told you that stuff in the first place. another good thing is that she broke up with her ex soon after she did it. you'll never know what was going on in their relationship at that time. but the fact that she broke it off right away i would say is a good sign. i wouldn't say that if i knew that about my bf that it wouldn't be in the back of my mind, but don't automatically assume she's going to do it to u. then you just arent giving her a fair shot........

luvtif · #11 (**permalink**) 05-10-04, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenrick285

If she's keeping things from you (like other email addresses and such) so early on, what happens in months or years later? "It all begins with a little white lie".

A person can change, but cheating is still cheating, and if you wouldn't cheat on anyone in a exclusive relationship, jsut means you two don't share the same values.

If it causes you a bit of concern, then move on or it's gonna drive you nuts seeing things that aren't really there, or possibly are.

I disagree to the oposite extreme. Early on she prob thinks those things are none of his business, but as things get more serious she will be more willing ot share and would not want to hide things.