When to move in together?

[.emerald.]

Hiya everybody,

My boyfriend and I are wanting and ready to move in together, but I want to make sure that it is the right decision for both of us so we don't mess things up for ourselves, sooooooo I'm curious to know your opinions on how long a couple should wait before they move in together. Also, what things should my boyfriend and I consider before we take this step? Any advice over the whole situation would be grrrreat! Thanks!!!
Sarah

[abercromqt20]

maybe it's just because i spent 2 years as a sociology major, or the fact that i was raised in a really conservative house. but i just don't think it's a good idea to live together b4 you're married. studies show time and time again that people that do have a higher divorce rate, but more than that most of the actually never get married at all. sociologists believe this is the case b/c if you are considering doing this as opposed to just getting married that you already have some kind of apprehension towards marriage. which is not good. i know alot of people like it b/c they think they will get to see what it's like to live with this person b4 they make it more permanent. most of the time though you just make it way to easy for the other person and therefore they don't really have any motivation to take the next step

but thats just my opinion. i know numbers don't always mean everything. and i'm not saying this always happens or that this will be you. my advice to you would be to sit down when you decide to move in together and set a sort of time table for things and see where you want this to go. it doesn't mean you have to get engaged just yet, but if you talk about where you see yourselves in a while there will be no surprises when you've been living together for 5 years and you're like where's my ring, dude!!! you don't want to be put in that position.

anyways......to answer you original question if i was to ever consider it, i would have to be with the person for ATLEAST a year. but probably more like a 1 and a halfish tho. so good luck with your man and let us know whats going on with it.

[kanzaki]

but to me, marrige seam to be a better thing to do because we would learn how to adapt to the other partner and apparently find if the marrige will work out or not. If it does not, then lucky you that u guys never got married or u have to go to alot of trouble getting divorce. If it is good, congratulations! U found your life partner

i dunno ur part, but i do know i will try and do it, tho my family will kill me because of it

btw, to ur question, well, it is not the matter of how long u know him but it is how WELL u know him and how READY u are. But normally 1 or 2 year will do ^^

[Focused]

Quote:

Originally Posted by abercromqt20

. i know alot of people like it b/c they think they will get to see what it's like to live with this person b4 they make it more permanent. most of the time though you just make it way to easy for the other person and therefore they don't really have any motivation to take the next step

Good point. I have never moved in with a girlfriend, but thought that it would give me a good idea on what it would be like to be married to them if we did move in together. What you said makes sense though.

I think it is diffrent for everyone, I would have to be with the girl for a good, solid year before I could move in with them. There has to be a lot of trust in the relationship and you both need to be prepared to see each other every day which can sometimes be a bad thing. Good luck!



Mark

[kanzaki]

focused>> u said it

[Illusional]

i think that you should move in together when you already see eachother on a pretty regular basis, and don't get fed up with the other person. when you live together you will be spending a great deal of time together, and if you're not ready for this change, it might be a bit harder than you might have expected it to be. raverboy

[aniretake]

Hehe just go ahead and do it. Trust me, you learn soooo much about each other living together.
I met my ex-boyfriend online, we "dated" on the phone for 2 weeks. Then i went to see him...and he suggested that we moved in right away. Yeah, that's life. Everything happens.

[Focused]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aniretake

I met my ex-boyfriend online, we "dated" on the phone for 2 weeks. Then i went to see him...and he suggested that we moved in right away. Yeah, that's life. Everything happens.

Wow, not trying to pry into your personal life, but how long did that last? Seems pretty extreme to me to move in with someone after only knowing them for 2 weeks, but that just shows how everyone is different.


Mark

[aniretake]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Focused

Wow, not trying to pry into your personal life, but how long did that last? Seems pretty extreme to me to move in with someone after only knowing them for 2 weeks, but that just shows how everyone is different.


Mark

Lasted very long, so calm down.

[luvtif]

get married!

[abercromqt20]

wow i thought alot of people would disagree with what i wrote...... well i guess you learn something new every day!

[blue]

i have taken this step about three times in my life and two of the times it didint work out cuz well it wouldnt have if we lived seperatley anyway, but with my ex i was with him for three years we moved in about 1 month of being together and we didint live apart till well thats a long story......not by choice. we did get engaged after the 2nd year though.
i will now be facing this decision again soon next year and me personally im leaning towards no, i wanna give us another year before making that decsion....and by then if all goes well we will probrably at least be engaged.
take your time with this what is the rush? think about it from all angles with your partner and then make a decision... i guess like satted above set goals and ask your self where u see yourself in 6 months a year and then 5.

[Bethany_j]

Bottom line.......did it once and still regret it. We were trying to "test" to see if we could get along while living together.

If you are ready for the next step of marriage, then get married, it is so much easier.

In my situation, we had a large fight and I left for the weekend. When I came home on Sunday, he had moved out, took a lot of my stuff and left our townhouse in shambles. I had to call the police to get my belongings back. Changed the locks and have not looked back since!

[sfalexi]

Quote:

Hehe just go ahead and do it. Trust me, you learn soooo much about each other living together.
I met my ex-boyfriend online, we "dated" on the phone for 2 weeks. Then i went to see him...and he suggested that we moved in right away.

FYI (I know it probably didn't turn out that way with you aniretake), but this is a VERY common thing that abusive people do. They will often ask their partner to move in VERY early in the relationship and often ask them to move in with them someplace far away from their friends/family. Then when they do, the abusive partner feels that they have 'power' over them and now you don't even have any nearby friends/family to turn to. Just seriously watch out for stuff like that.

http://www.a2zgorge.info/prevention/...ning-signs.htmIt's the #2 sign on THAT list.

http://www.atthefence.com/articles/Reasons.htmLook at those reasons (one is "No place to go" because they have been isolated from friends/family)

And a simple google search will show these facts time and time again. So just be careful.

Rod Steele

[abercromqt20]

totally..... anytime someone tries to alienate you from your friends and family like that, it's a clear sign to get the hell outta there. this way they take you to some where that you have nobody and make you totally dependant on them. that's not a healthy place to be.