Bad reputation

[CalGal]

I need to change my reputation, but how?

Enrolling at a top 5 grad school, I thought I would be surrounded by open-minded, intelligent, mature people. I have found this is not always the case.

For whatever reason, I seem to be thought of as “one of those girls.” I have been told on several occasions that “I am on The list.” The list is the five hottest, most want-to-date women on campus. I suppose I should be flattered, but I am not. Being on this list seems to be a curse—I get random emails from people I have never met asking if want to go out with them; I get calls after bar time from people I have barely talked to; I get flowers left on my doorstep with notes alluding to expectations; at a bar one student who I never talked to literally took off/ripped off my jacket/sweater to reveal by baby tank because he said I needed to show off my nice body; a few guys have come up to me to “warn” me that I need to be real careful around certain individuals or constantly be aware.

I do not know how to change this. And I am not complaining about certain things, it is just that this stereotype that the men here believe I fall into is so untrue. I am really not that gorgeous—I truly believe that you are only as beautiful as your worst personality flaw (and let’s say I have many of those). I don’t feel that it is important to be in the in-crowd and I like to do nerdy things—study, volunteer, etc. I am actually a huge prude with the strictest of moral ethics. Due to these things, I need to change this stereotype or come to terms with the way guys here are going to treat me.

So, do you know how I can work on this? If you do, please let me know. Thank you so very, very much!

[Fayebelle]

It's b/c you are a "huge prude" - people always want what they can't have. Either start sleeping around or get over your insecurities of being on some silly list. (BTW people who make lists of "who to do" are not the type to consider personality pluses or flaws when considering who they want to jump- tacky lil critters really IMHO)

[sfalexi]

It's NOT because you're a "huge prude". It's because apparently you ARE attractive and cause guys that age (grad school) are typically horny ****ing morons and the type that give ME a bad name.

For starters, start standing up to yourself. When you get an email asking you out or something, respond with, "No." When that guy ripped your sweater open you should have kicked him in the nuts and cursed him out. He MORE than deserved it. When someone calls you up, save their number under a name like, "Don't answer" or "no" or "no1, no2, no3, no4, etc." so you know not to pick up next time. Also, before you hang up, say, "Listen up. Don't call me again. Ever."

It really sucks, but you're gonna have to learn to be more of a 'bitch'. And definitely DO be careful going places alone if the guys at your school are like that.

Rod Steele

[bluestrattos]

It's a tricky situation. If you ignore them, they may see it like a chalenge, if you say "NO" to him like you should, they see that also as a chalenge. it's stupid but it's true. You should be more careful now that you're in that list. Just in case why not taking classes of martial arts like Aikido or karate or something like that ? I know some friends (girls) that start taking lessons of self-defence or kickboxing and stuff like that....
You should also try to find out who's the creator of that list. I also agree with sfalexi's post. Above all, don't change your personality, who you're, because of them, if you like to do that nerdy stuff like study or volunteer, do it.

a little off topic, in your country is volunteer a nerdy thing ? Here in Portugal it's not so nerdy, in fact there're a lot of youth people (like me) working in volunteer projects and they're all (ok almost all) great great persons