And still these things happen - Love Forum

StumblinAround · #1 (**permalink**) 28-10-04, 04:00 AM

You may have read my earlier posts. If not, heres a brief synopsis: I'm in love with a girl who is in love with me, but she is in love with her boyfriend as well. I had my chance to tell her how I felt, but I was too shy and couldn't do it.

Recently, she told me and I told her exactly how I felt back. We love each other very much, but obviously we cannot be together right now. The closest we have ever gotten was last Friday when we were watching a movie together and I held her, and it just felt right... We've never kissed, because we both feel that would be going too far. We both very much want to.

My problem is this: her bf knows a little about what is between us, and he wants her to never see me again. That won't happen because even if we didn't have such strong feelings for each other, we are the best of friends and tell each other everything. She has wanted to marry him for a while, which I feel pretty broken about because if she were free I would be telling her how I intended to marry her, but her bf has always said that he couldn't. Well, the other day he told her that once they are out of college he intends to get engaged with her.

When she told me, I broke down. I know it is a LONG way off, as we are in high school still, but I felt like I had just lost a part of her that I had just found. There can be no more days like last friday, where everything was good and right, and I felt like she was telling me she'd never see me again. I cried like I've never cried before that night.

We've talked, and we still do both love each other. We hang out more than ever now, and we still hug each other. I feel like not that much has changed, so I can't figure out why I was so upset. I know that I can't hold her hand or hold her tight to me anymore, and that makes me sad. It makes me sad to know that she is planning far in the future to be with him forever. It does make me happy at the same time, though. Its an odd feeling to be intensely happy for her and incredibly sad for yourself. I was grinning while crying my eyes out.

I guess I'm just confused where that leaves me. I'm not going to just leave her, like I said, we're best friends if nothing else. I can't lose her, she means to much to me. And I think I needed to get this out of my system... any comments or suggestions would be well appreciated.

StumblinAround · #2 (**permalink**) 29-10-04, 06:47 AM

umm... like i said.. ANY comments or suggestions will be well appreciated.

decaffeinated · #3 (**permalink**) 29-10-04, 08:36 AM

I feel for you, dood. I'm falling for a girl who has a boyfriend too. It's a hard situation for EVERYBODY. At least she knows you love her, and you know she loves you.

The obvious solution, of course, is simply to kill her boyfriend:

You + Girl + Boyfriend =

You + Girl + Boyfriend - Boyfriend = You + Girl =

If you go this route, be sure to hide the body really, really well. It would suck to have the cops drag you off to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison on your otherwise happy wedding day.

OF course, you might have qualms about killing other human beings, in which case you're going to have to go for a more subtle approach.

decaffeinated puts on "serious" hat

How honestly have you talked to her about this? Does she know you'd marry her if she wasn't with her current boyfriend? We tend to assume things that may or may not be true. If you're as good of friends as you say you are, I think you need to march right up to her and tell her EXACTLY what you want to say. Tell her you love her more than anything, and if she'll give you a chance you'll make her the happiest girl in the world. Tell her you'd never leave her, or hurt her, or cheat on her. TELL HER.

Face it, the only way you two can be together is if she dumps his sorry ass and gets together with you. I'll admit, that's unlikely if she's planning on marrying the dude, but SHE'S NEVER GOING TO if she doesn't know exactly how you feel. Vague "I love you"s don't count for much. We're talking specifics. And, hey, she probably isn't going to call him up and tell him to go f*** off and then beg to have your babies, but very worst case scenario, you'll at least know you didn't leave anything unsaid.

And don't worry about ruining a good friendship. Once she marries him, her friendship with you is over, period. If you're ever going to have a chance at being with her, NOW is the time to act.

Just my two cents, dood. And good luck!

jane · #4 (**permalink**) 29-10-04, 08:41 AM

Well. talking about it is a good start!

.. I know how incrediable hurt and somewhat betrayed you must feel. She seems to be confused too from what you describe. I wonder why, why she would tell you that after college he intends to ask for her hand? I mean ... isnt that like a desperate move to you? Look at it in the big picture.. she obviously has feelings for you ... she may have feelings for her boyfriend too but she is playing both ends of that candle and ultimately will get burned.

I almost get the feeling like she is trying to push you into or say something? Dont you? Why on earth .. if she LOVES YOU soooooo much would she even tell you something like that unless she was trying to deliberate provoke you into something?

IMHO.. you are upset because you know that whatever button she was trying to push by telling you that upset you .. but not for the reason you think... actually for the exact opposite. She loves you... you may think you love her.. but really look at the big picture and search for the real answer. You may be surprized. Hope I helpped.. :/

bluestrattos · #5 (**permalink**) 29-10-04, 08:55 AM

it's a tricky situation my friend. I understand what you feel but i'm confused about her. If she loves you like why does she wants to marry with the other guy ? It's hard to believe that a person can love to persons at the same way. i say "marry" but you didn't tell us if she intends to accept. You also say it's long way before you get out of school and college, she may change her mind. You're happy about her, because she'll be happy even without you, thats proves that you really love her, like i said the other day, quoting B.Adams "give her wings when she wants to fly"

sfalexi · #6 (**permalink**) 29-10-04, 09:36 AM

I don't know . . . people that talk about marriage at THAT young an age really freak me out. I'd stay away. You'll probably find out that (A) she's more of a hassle than you know because you're NOT her boyfriend and don't know her on that deep a level yet and (B) that you guys have a LOT of living left, college to go through (hell, HIGH SCHOOL to finish still!) and you probably wouldn't stay together. VERY VERY few high school sweetheart stories end up together. Even LESS with a young marriage.

Rod Steele

StumblinAround · #7 (**permalink**) 29-10-04, 10:33 AM

First off, thanks a lot for all of your replies. I really need to hear other people's thoughts on all of this.. it helps me to sort through it all.

Yes, I have told her that I would marry her. Recently, though... we've been talking a lot recently, and she knows exactly how broken i am over the whole thing. I've let her read my entire journal, for Christs sake, lol.

While she is kinda planning to get married, yes, I think that they have the possiblitly to make it. I've asked her what it is about this other dude that she likes more than me, and she listed all this stuff, and then kinda went.. "oh, well, thats all the same for you, but... he told me." He is a year older than we are, and we're seniors in HS. Its true that he goes out of his way to see her and everything, but he has much more resources than I do, because he's older.

Her bf is going to give her a ring(not an engagement ring) on halloween, her favorite holiday. I guess its to represent that he will get married to her later on down the road if they're still together. She is enthralled with the idea.

I'm not. While I just want the best for her, oh damn do i want the best for her, I wish the best was with me. She comes first for me, then I consider myself. Thats just the way I feel.

She definately loves both of us, I don't doubt that. Her heart is so huge, its part of what I love about her...

emokid18 · #8 (**permalink**) 30-10-04, 01:21 AM

it sounds like a movie. are you willing to move?... i hear some countries are big on bigamists...kind of like massachusetts and sex offenders.

emokid18 · #9 (**permalink**) 30-10-04, 01:53 AM

My girlfriend is still in love with her x bf. he was the her first "real love" out of her many relationships. He moved away they still talk once and a while but i dont know what i would do if he ever moved back. I hope its not anytime soon because our relationship right now is very brittle and i dont want it to get worse.

Chrono · #10 (**permalink**) 30-10-04, 03:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by decaffeinated

You + Girl + Boyfriend - Boyfriend = You + Girl =

Got to love this equation.

I also have been falling for girls with boyfriends, on more than on occassion. The girl I like now has one, though their relationship, she says, is like a rollercoaster. Hope for the best, for you that is.

Draven · #11 (**permalink**) 30-10-04, 08:22 AM

I was in the same situation a while back. buddy trust me, if she can do this to her boyfriend, who says she won't do the same thing to you? it seems like she doesn't know what she wants. and by u stealing her away from her current boyfriend, good luck not having that happen 2 you, she seems like the girl, that would cheat. i suggest you find a single girl, that suits ur needs.