What do you think...?

[Fenster]

Sorry, I know this is long, but I'd appreciate your opinion.

My girlfriend and I have been going out for about 8 months, before we "formally" started dating we were sleeping togething, living together and it was clear that we loved each other (each of us said "I love you" frequently and we acted as two people in love would). Over the past 8 months we've had our share of good times and bad times, but in the end is always seemed that we were still very much in love and that we wanted to be with each other. When my girlfriend was thinking about moving she would ask me if i would come with her and well, in short, it certainly seemed that we had a future together. Just over the last few days she was upset that we didn't have our own place (we both live with our parents) where we could share a bed and cuddle, etc. how much she enjoys being intimate with me and she certainly seemed to be happy with me. Then last night she tells me that she is not happy and never has been. She said that the only reason that she wanted us to date was because she was afraid that she would lose me as a friend (because i would be upset that while she was sleeping with me and we were living together she would - and was - dating other guys, but not on a serious basis) she tells me that she never wanted a boyfriend and that she had been making one huge mistake since the first night she wanted to sleep with me.

I'm left wondering; thinking about all that she told me, the times she said she loved me, she missed me, she was incredibly attracted to me, that she wished we had our own place where we could be together. Was all this a lie to keep me from leaving her? Did she really feel any of these things? Honestly given how I feel about her now - I love her very much - I would be very hurt if broke up, remained friends and she started dating other guys. She says she only ever wanted me as a friend and that is what she wants now, but until I can get over my immensely strong romantic feelings for her, I don't see that working. I would think that she would have the same strong feelings for me, but now I wonder.

Anyways, I was just wondering what you think, I am incerdibly confused and hurt right now.

[sephora85]

She sounds really confused and it's really unfair of her to put you in this position after so long. Since I don't know her personally I can't say for sure if she really meant all the things she said, but it's not impossible that she really did mean every word of it but at the same time was conflicted because she really didn't want a relationship. That is how I would look at it, however if this was turned around so that it was the guy that told me all those nice things and then all of a sudden didn't want a relationship anymore, there would be no doubt in my mind that he made it all up. And I guess girls are just as capable of lying about the same kind of things guys do. That is to be left up to your own judgement, however, regardless of her feelings, she is treating you very unfairly. If she really never wanted a relationship, that is something she should have drawn to your attention 8 months ago, not now. You deserve more respect than that from a relationship, she was obviously only thinking about what she wanted and how she felt at the time and not taking into consideration your thoughts and feelings.
I know you are totally confused, I mean this is the girl you loved and most likely thought you knew everything about and suddenly she comes out and tells you that she doesn't want a relationship and has never been happy with you. That really has to hurt, but the sooner you get this over with the better off you will be. I have recently gotten out of a horrible pretty much abusive relationship that I was in for over a year, and it's really hard, but at the same time I feel so much better about myself and my life right now and even though I miss him and I'm not even close to being over him, I know that I'm so much better off and eventually I'll be totaly over it and find someone who will treat me right. That's what you need. It may not seem like it, but there are plenty of other people out there that you could be happy with (happier with, actually). Don't let her walk all over you... most likely if she does it once she will do it again. You deserve much better than that.

[alwaysbethere]

Sometimes people pull away when they want to get closer. If she really did have strong feelings for you in the past (only you would know) then when she said that she was never happy, it was a lie. You know if she was happy before.

I think whats really bothering her is that she really wants a place with you. To some girls sharing a bed and cuddling are important. After talking to you about it maybe she doesn't feel like that you guys will ever get a place together. That would make her frustrated and that's a reason she might say that the relationship was a mistake. It seems like getting a place is something she really wants so my advice is at the least tell her that it's what you want too. If you can't get a place, spend more time with her, have her sleep over more often, and let her know that in the future that you guys can live together.

[guy]

Fenster, there is no such thing as being her friend after ur relationship is over
they may say lets be friends but it never works out
she told you the truth and you should not look back all the time
move on with your life
jesus, why does guys in this forum always get whipped n dumped by their girls
BE A MAN! and forget about her

[Fenster]

Here's the catch, she's sick - and I'm not talking about a cold here - she's manic depressive and while she has gone without an episode for quite some time now, I strongly suspect, based on her history that my leaving her would cause her to have a severe relapse, she would make herself sick to get my attention and get me to come back to her. It's f*cked up, but it has happened before.

[cbee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fenster

I strongly suspect, based on her history that my leaving her would cause her to have a severe relapse, she would make herself sick to get my attention and get me to come back to her. It's f*cked up, but it has happened before.

That isn't fair.

This girl sounds like she doesn't really know what she wants and will use everything in her war chest to get to you. One of my friends was a manic depressive and I know just how hard it is to live with but boy does it make me mad when people use such an awful illness for their own ends.

IMO she is using you, I don't htink she realises it but it doesn't sound like too healthy a relationship to me.

[emokid18]

some people are just so lucky to have a friend like that, i use to have a friend like that but we would never have sex...eventually we dated but i would have been fine with her dating/sleeping with other guys as long as i had the same freedoms as she did. When you get hurt in a relationship you know there is always going to someone there to help you thru tough times.

[guy]

but didnt u say she would make herself sick to get your attention?
earlier u said she never wanted a bf
so is she playing around with you?