Well, here's my story...I need some help... - Love Forum

Mestophles · #1 (**permalink**) 06-04-03, 01:13 PM

Might as well start with me. I'm 6'4'', 150 lbs, male (which is pretty light). I'm 16, and very smart. But I'm not a nerd. I hate nerds, and I try my hardest not to be one. When I was younger, I was fat, but a nice person. So lots of people took advantage of me and made fun of me. When I got to my new school, I decided to change who I was so this couldn't happen. I shut myself off from everybody else. I rarely talk, especially if I'm in a crowd. I know a lot about other people, but none of them know too much about me.

So 4 years later, I'm a freshman in highschool, and I meet a girl. You probably know how it is. She's the girl that's different from all the others, that if you see her in a day that day was a good one, no matter what else happened. She was the only one who could make me smile, and back then that bothered me. She was able to get me to open up, and I didn't want to get hurt again. We became moderate friends I can't really talk to her in person, but I try. She realizes why and understands it when I have to say things in letters or over the phone or whatever.

So it's the summer of sophomore year, and I'm so lonely in my life that I'm severely depressed. I'm on the edge, but several conversations with her lets me let off steam and some of my hatred, and by october I'm pretty much over it. By now I've easily realized how she's the only person who makes me happy, and I may never meet another person like her ever again. When I think about it, I realize that if I were to fail at every aspect of my life, I could be happy if I could be with her through all of it. So I tell her so, and she says that while she realized how I felt about her, she doesn't want to jeopardize our friendship. I told her that I respected her decision, but that her decision wouldn't stop my feelings. She said that I would feel better with time, but it only hurts worse every second. It's now April, and through the school year I haven't been able to tell if she's forgotten about it or changed her feelings or what. How can I go about getting her to at least try loving me so that I may lead a happy life?

Killerbabe · #2 (**permalink**) 06-04-03, 04:13 PM

Mestophles, first off, I might as well start with you. Don't let who you WERE before (and what people thought of you) affect who you ARE right now. You can always press the "refresh" button, and you can always wake up a become a new person, all you have to do is just know your self-worth and train yourself to have a strong will/ All those little misfortunes can make you a better person. I guarantee it.

About the girl.

Well, how can you tell: does she have a boyfriend? does she like you? does she ever stare into your eyes and you know she's thinking something? or does she try to avoid your gaze sometimes and gets shy? does she try to spend her time with you as more as possible? See, there's lots of ways you can tell if she's at least falling in love with you a tiny bit. But seriously, I think that when two people evolve a frienship like that it's very rare that there's no mutual liking between them. Maybe she's just a little uncertain of her feelings or about the outcome of your possibly closer relationship.

Mestophles · #3 (**permalink**) 07-04-03, 12:58 AM

Thanks...
Well, she doesn't have a boyfriend, but she's very close to all her friends. When I said I had no way of telling, it wasn't because she wasn't putting out any signals, it was because she was putting out all of them. Like there was one week in november when she said she was mad at me. I had no idea why (I still don't, she never told me), but she got over it when I broke my arm. then a week after that, she wanted to do nothing but hang out with me. So I thought I was getting closer, but the next week everything went back to normal. She never flat out got mad at me again, but it goes back and forth between the other two. Prom's coming up...maybe I could utilize that?

Zekk_T_Strife · #4 (**permalink**) 07-04-03, 01:15 AM

I'd give you advice if I could, but unfortunately this situation is all too familiar to me. (Karli for those of you who know me well on this forum) Basically a lot of this sounds extremely familiar but there's no easy answer I can give, it's different per situation. In mine I expressed my feelings for her as you did and she chose friendship first as your girl did. For me, I kept it in the dark again and re-expressed it about a year later. She still wanted a friendship so I've backed away and let my feelings subside. Now she has a boyfriend she's in love with and I have a girlfriend I'm in love with but she and I are still amazingly close. I can still picture marrying her, but I'm not in love with her to the point of pain. That pang in your heart may be getting used to love or it may be you trying to get over infatuation and learn your real feelings. As I said I don't know at all, these are just examples. Basically my best advice would be to just stay close to her. Don't let her need for friendship disappoint you and push you away because you wanted something more. If it seems she has no interests in anyone see if she wants to go to prom as friends, then you can pretend its something more. :wink: Anyways, hang in there and I'm sure itll work out. I hope my senseless rambling helped somewhat.

Illusional · #5 (**permalink**) 10-04-03, 04:29 PM

considering the two of you are good friends, why not ask her out to lunch or dinner. take her to someplace that isn't too romantic, but comfortable. have all sorts of conversations with her and see how she reactions to you just being there. if she acts more than a friend, she probably doesn't think of you anymore than a friend and your hope for something more may never come true. however, if you believe that something may one day happen, why not ask her again? true it might jeopardize your relationship but you have to be willing to take that risk. are you willing to lose her friendship or a part of it to try at a relationship. remember, one or both of you may feel awkward after having this type of conversation. the decision rests upon your shoulders. you never know what will happen and i suggest that you try because you know how the saying goes... it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. raverboy

Zekk_T_Strife · #6 (**permalink**) 10-04-03, 11:40 PM

That phrase is such crap. I'd much rather have never loved at all than had to suffer the loss of love.

Illusional · #7 (**permalink**) 11-04-03, 04:44 PM

that is the pesimistic approach. getting hurt is a part of life and if you can't deal with the pressure, then i would just say **** it all. i see that we see things on two different levels but it doesn't hurt to try. raverboy

Zekk_T_Strife · #8 (**permalink**) 11-04-03, 11:19 PM

It isn't pessimism, it's realism. You have to deal with pain in your life but the pain of never having love is much less than having it walk away from you. I'm not bitching or saying I can't handle it, I'm just saying that phrase is completely wrong.

Illusional · #9 (**permalink**) 13-04-03, 10:19 AM

pain?? yes it does come with the risk that you take in life. if you are never willing to risk it all, then what is life? life is one big gamble where all we do is take a chance. from the moment we get up out of beds to the moment that we sleep we are always taking a chance in one way or another. i would risk everything knowingly that i might get hurt in the end. that is the way that i am. raverboy