A little advice?

[flame]

First a quick background.
I guess you could call me a 'late starter'. I am 26 and have only ever had one gf. She and I were together for over 4 years and were living together for abous the last 2 years. Then 4 months ago she broke it off. (That is a story for another time. IF i ever feel the need to re-hash it.)

So now I wanna get back in the game only I have NO idea where to meet single women my age.
The nightclubs are full of children barely out of nappies (diapers) and the music is so loud you can't hold anything more than a monosyllabic conversation. Not my scene. The pubs (bars) are hit and miss - mostly miss.
I am involved an a coulple of clubs within my sphere of interest but unfortunately 90% of the people at the meetings are in their golden years. (serves me right for having mature interests)
And dating services just seem like the last resort of the desperate, IMHO...
Also, none of my freinds are single/interested in the pub/club scene and I don't find the idea of going 'round the pubs/clubs solo particularly appealing.

So given all that, Anyone got some suggestions where i might have a reasonable chance of meeting an interesting, intelligent, single 20-something?

[Denis Ezhov]

I very much understand you, though also the age at me hardly is smaller! Come to me to Russia I of you I shall introduce!!!

[flame]

Seriously, no-one has -any- advice at all?
Ok, maybe you could direct me to a forum that has more ppl my age?

[bluestrattos]

if you don't have luck on bars, try to do other activities such as some kind of volunteer project or go to a gym, practice some sport activity, anything that makes you interact with other people. Dating services AREN'T really an option.

[squirrley]

First of all you need to get out and participate in other activities as stated above. Get yourself involved in something. Hanging out in bars is fine, you meet new people, you create a bigger atmosphere for your network of friends, hence meeting other people outside of those bars. Getting invited to other social things. You have to increase your scope of friends. Even if it is casual.

The dating service? What like the online thing? Well, it works for a lot of people, and it doesnt have to be this desperate thing people really make it out to be, its a way of meeting new people, simple. You dont have to date them all, some may become good friends(hence creating the larger network). I have never personally used this way of meeting of people, but I know several who have, and they like the process of it, kinda narrows down the whole going out every weekend trying to find that person, rejections, bar whores, etc. So, dont always view it as desperation. You may be in a town that is limited to women your age. A lot of us 20 or 30 somethings live in remote areas which not much to really date. Look up joining something you really like to do, or get involved more in other social things. Start calling your friends and making plans to do things, having a dinner party or bbq, tell them to bring their friends, YOU create your atmosphere!

[flame]

Thanks for the feedback folks.
As I said, the bar scene really ain't my scene, especially going solo.
I am into plants, animals and nature so I joined the local feild naturalist's society. The meetings are enjoyable and informative but at least 80% of the ppl ther are over 40...

Y'know It just occurred to me that while most of the people there are outta my age-group, they all probably have daughters, grand-daughters, neices, etc.... Hmmmmmm.....

[jakki2903]

Quote:

Originally Posted by flame

Thanks for the feedback folks.
As I said, the bar scene really ain't my scene, especially going solo.
I am into plants, animals and nature so I joined the local feild naturalist's society. The meetings are enjoyable and informative but at least 80% of the ppl ther are over 40...

Y'know It just occurred to me that while most of the people there are outta my age-group, they all probably have daughters, grand-daughters, neices, etc.... Hmmmmmm.....

Firstly, not everyone on here is old. I am almost 25 which makes me closer to your age group. Everyone on here has given me invaluable opinions and advice. Something which cheers me up daily.

To meet new people you need the do any of the following:

Bar/Clubs - now you say it isn't your scene - fair enough - harshly true though that loads of people from all different backgrounds go out to clubs/pubs. The best way I found of meeting new people was to possibly get a part time job in a bar - it's fun (but hardwork) and I met my first love and some of my best friends doing it. It isn't my skilled professional however, just something I needed to do to meet new people - try it, you never know.
Interests - Broaden them - or go out with someone old, as a 25 year old, I am and I'm sure others, will be bored by your hobbies, I'm sorry if that is harsh but come on - if 40 year olds are the only ones then wake up and smell the coffee.
Internet Dating - This is definitely not for desparate people, it is very similar to meeting in a bar or club except you get the 'read part of the book' before you take it out, it didn't work out for me - cos I get bored easily.

Don't do the solo scene - that is sad and desparate. Just try to get out there and do something that fits more with the kind of people you want to meet.

I hope I haven't offended you in anyway, just trying to be honest with my opinion.

Let me know how you get on.

Jakki

[RogerPodacter]

I'm in the same situation. I'm 25 and was with the same girl for 6 years. Now i'm single and basically have 2 friends that i interact with. I work full time too. The worst part is i have NO motivation to try and start a new life or lifestyle (as sad as that is to say) right now. I'm kinda lost and just being on my own, almost completely alone. i guess i gotta snap myself out of it...

[flame]

first to jakki.
Dont worry about my being offended. I value your opinion all the more because it is an honest and unvarnished one. The last thin i need right now is any sycophants just telling me what they think I want to hear. It serves no good purpose. So thank you, I appreciate it.

And Roger.
Man It's good to hear from someone in a similar situation.
If there's one thing I've learned from my experience, it's this:
When it is time for you to move on, you will know.
Don't sweat it man. It's a greiving process, just like any other. It takes however long it's gunna take.

[CalGal]

I think to start, be really open to ideas. You can try almost anything once. And sometimes you have to try a couple times.

Clubs--Like others said, this is a huge one. Although you should not change yourself or partake in hobbies you do not like, if the plant club only has 40+ year olds, you need to start something new. Look for your target audience...young ladies normally do book clubs, volunteer clubs, young professional societies, triathalon/running club, etc.

Community Events-- I am sure there are some wine tastings or silent auctions, etc. that you could go to. These are "events" so it would not be hard to be alone--you would have something to do.

The gym--You can meet a lot of women there.

Making your own events--Throw a dinner party or a drinks gathering. Have your friends bring one outside friend. Try to get this to be a routine thing.

The park--Try readings or walking in the same area a lot...you may meet another regular.

Book stores and coffee houses--There are always a lot of single people here. Just get the nerve to talk to those you fancy.

Internet dating--I don't think it is horrible; it is 2004.

Grad schools--Try to find out about local grad school events and parties.

Good luck!!

[flame]

As for internet dating, I havn't ruled it out completely, I just wanna explore all other options first...
I'd rather meet someone face-to-face.