when to say 3 special words

[sfalexi]

Quote:

This is why I would agree that it's a good strategy not to tell someone you love them, even if you do, until they reach that level...but if the other person is also doing the same thing?? Imagine Flexi and Amber together..they'd never ever say it!! Nah, I think eventually someone would have the presence of mind to read the signs and take the chance...

Well, if I wanted to say it, but hadn't heard it yet, I'd just drop really strong hints until whoever I was with got the point and said it to me, or it was just understood.

I can imagine me and Amber talking one night after a year of dating . . . "Goodnight." "Goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow!" (SMOOCH!) "And remember, I really care for you deeply!" "I care for you deeply too!" "I care for you deeply MORE . . . " so on and so on . . .

Rod Steele

[squirrley]

Im going to say it when I am ready to say it. Not because a book says I should or shouldnt or because its not right the man should say it first. I dont have a lot of experience in the dating world let alone the loving department, but this last year Ive learned a great deal about myself and am still learning. But I know this much, those three words are not little, they're the most profound impact you can possibly have on someone. I feel if Im ready for it, Im taking the chance to say so, no matter how I think he would react. Ive said to so many people on here...take a chance-Columbus did. Life is too short to worry about the what if's!

My advice is dont say it unless you KNOW it and truly feel it. Knowing you the know difference between being infatuated and being in love. I personally wouldnt take it wrong or defensive if I didnt hear it back, they may be in a different place at that time, and if youre understanding enough, you accept it. But dont let society dictate when you are ready for it. Go with your heart and your soul and you will know when its appropiate!

[KirstyM]

Yeah I agree with squirrley... you should just say it when it feels right and when you know it's true, as she said, knowing the difference between love and infatuation. My boyfriend said it to me the day he asked me out, before I had actually said 'yes' then I said it back four days later... but we're one of those exceptions cos we were really close friends for ages before we got together.

[nomas]

Unfortunately, there are general rules to the game that apply to the vast majority of the people playing it.

My point is, and this is based on experience and what I see, when you tip the balance in any direction..it unbalances the equation and all things can go to chaos.

Think of someone you meet somewhere...party, bar, library..anything. You hit it off pretty well and you definitely can see some potential in this. But if the guy/girl starts to overwhelm you..calling you multiple times a day and starts talking about how great you are and having babies together and whatnot...you will probably be a little turned off by having someone so easily wrapped around your finger.

I'm not saying "fight the feeling of being completely smitten by someone", no, by all means, love all you want..but in a relationship, you have to bee careful early on to keep the equation balanced if you want a future for the relationship...it has to grow together..you can't have a really interested party while the other one is only mildly interested and expect the latter to catch up later.

That's just what I've come to think lately...nubmers, always numbers...don't unbalance the equation within a degree of tolerance..heh, heh.

Freddie

[abercromqt20]

haha although i don't usually tend to think of love in numbers i have to agree with freddie here. love is a delicate balance of all sorts of things. especially in the beginning. saying those words too early may scare off the other person. i know i couldn't hold it in that long, but i would for a while just so i didn't scare him away.

[nomas]

It's not just uttering the words, it's your whole demeanor with the person. I know everyone is different, and it could be that you're a perfect match to begin with and you can both equally manifest an unusually high interest in each other early on, but the majority of the people are, "cautious", let's call it, and prefer not to rush into things if they they're thinking about something potentially long term.

Freds

[KirstyM]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nomas

Think of someone you meet somewhere...party, bar, library..anything. You hit it off pretty well and you definitely can see some potential in this. But if the guy/girl starts to overwhelm you..calling you multiple times a day and starts talking about how great you are and having babies together and whatnot...you will probably be a little turned off by having someone so easily wrapped around your finger.

I'm not saying "fight the feeling of being completely smitten by someone", no, by all means, love all you want..but in a relationship, you have to bee careful early on to keep the equation balanced if you want a future for the relationship...it has to grow together..you can't have a really interested party while the other one is only mildly interested and expect the latter to catch up later.

Yes there has to be a balance but at this stage neither of you are in love so you shouldnt be saying those three words anyway. Really if you are truly in love with your partner you should be in a healthy relationship by the time you realise it.

[kronos51]

That is quite true Kirsty. My girlfriend and I probably said it a little before we were really in love, but we thought we were at the time. I can now say that I truly am in love with her. I care more about her own happiness than my own, but this is stipulated by the fact that she cares the same for me so I know I am not just sacrificing my own happiness. If something were to happen to her (i.e. an accident of some sort) and I lost her, I would be able to move on eventually but would always have a part of me attached to her.

Just make sure youre careful about things, and careful about unbalancing things as people have mentioned above