she doesn't want relationship, but i do

[moto]

okay so i went off to college (i'm 18, btw) looking for a fresh start with the ladies. i didn't have too much luck in high school mainly because i was way too shy. since then i have changed that and i'm really not shy anymore unless i'm hanging out with a group of 5 or more because i'll sit around and let them do the talking. most of the people at my school also have boyfriends and i'm not the kinda guy that will hit on girls that do, because i just don't think it's right.

so eventually within the first 2-3 weeks i met this girl that i really like and i have never felt this strongly about another girl. things started getting pretty serious between us and i asked her if she was interested in a relationship and she said that she just really doesn't want a boyfriend right now. a couple weeks later i start discussing it more in detail why she doesn't want a boyfriend and it's because she just broke up with her bf before coming to college because he moved away and she stayed here. that's the only reason they broke up. she also said that she planned on getting back together with him but now she isn't completly sure since she met me. so i could see giving it time to heal the process of breaking up with your bf but she says she still has feelings for him and he is coming back to visit soon, for a whole month and will be moving back soon too. lately in the past 2 weeks it seems we haven't been as close either and she acts completly different with me when we are with a group of friends and when we are alone.

so i think it's a bad situation and normally i would move on but like i said i've never felt this way about another girl and there isn't anybody else i am interested in. what do you guys think i should do? i hope it wasn't all too long to read and any feedback is appreciated.

[autobahn]

I feel for you dude. I was in the same situation, although the ex wasn't coming back and nothing serious was happening. All I can say is to keep your expectations low. You can't force a relationship with her. If you do you will go crazy and lose any chance of it happening. If it happens, it has to happen naturally at her pace. Keep some distance, make her chase you, and try meeting new people.

At the same time, you are 18. I'd honestly suggest dating around. I know how hard it is when you find someone you really connect to; nonetheless, you're not looking to get married, right? Socializing and dating are learned skills. You were shy before, but I suspect you have a ways to go in social confidence. Dating around doesn't mean getting in a relationship, but just meet some new women, get their #'s, and ask them to hang out.

[moto]

yeah i hear ya.... problem is there aren't any other girls that i would want to date around with and it's kinda hard to meet people now that a few months of school have passed by and everyone has their group of friends. i plan on getting a job over the winter break though, so that always helps the possibilies of hot women coming in that i can hit on. i have girls #'s and i hang out with them but they are friends with her too and if they see me hitting on other chicks they would probably think of that as pretty shady. i think i have been coming on too strong though, so i think it is a good idea to chill back a little bit and see what happens.

[kronos51]

I hear ya moto. Im 19 in college, and I just am not the type of person that looks for casual relationships. One of the reasons that I feel so strongly that I can remain with my girlfriend for the long haul is because I have met many many other girls in college, but they all become friends very quickly. I have never had the slightest feelings of anything more than friendship since I have been with my girlfriend, and that is just the way things are for me.

In this situation I would suggest doing as you are and just hanging back a bit. It is tough for a girl when she still has feelings for an ex, and you should let her sort that out without feeling she is being pressured into another relationship. I promise you that in the end she will appreciate it very much, and it will be the best decision you could make.

[moto]

thanks a lot dude, i really do appreciate it. i feel pretty much the same way you do. when i'm with a girl in a relationship i don't have any feelings other than friendship with other women. you're awesome. i'm in a good mood because something good just happened to me and things are looking up, so i think everything will happen for the best.

[YellowLioness]

Well, I'm a bit older and a girl, so maybe my life perspective will help you: tell her how you feel. Ask her how she feels. If she doesn't want the same things you do then try to maintain a friendship with her. If you can't do that cut her loose before you get hurt.
Hope this helps! Good luck!

[moto]

Yeah that's kinda where things are at right now. I know what I want and so does she... but she can't make up her mind on what she wants right now so I'm just riding it out until she makes up her mind or I meet someone else, whichever comes first.

[kronos51]

Doin' good man. Good luck, I hope for the best for ya