I need help with a confusing situation.

[Drexler]

I'm male, 19 years of age. As many my age often do I went out into relationships looking for a peice of ass. Nothing more. I met a particular girl who seemed interested in me, and we hit it off... she dumped a long distance boyfriend in the service for me. Things were looking great, for the first time in over a year I was happy... even happier yet because the sex ceased to matter, i started falling for her and simply wanted to be with her. it only lasted a few weeks before out of the blue she gets back with the old boyfriend... Im dumped out of the blue with no warning... first happiness in a year I would say and it was gone.

Life moves on. However it wasnt over, She started calling me again she seemed somewhat unerved by my open and honest rant on the whole matter and felt that perhaps she was wrong. Something in my head seemed wrong, i no longer cared about the ass or the other boyfriend. it simply became a struggle to spend as much time as I could with this woman who made me feel wonderful, she hints and her leaving the boyfriend... but it never really materialized, for weeks the hope was there. meanwhile she took an agressive stance with me and I found myself getting extremely physically involved with her, she was far more interested in fooling around than my plans for dinner and movie dates and other "dates". We were together yet not together and she slowly trapped me in this situation where by no means do i want to lose this girl but her long distance boyfriend doesnt seem on the way out either...

I try a guy move and manipulate it for sex, and as you can see by the above I was being lead into being her sextoy anyway, So we become sexually active, and it was wonderful. It should have worked like it did for me on other chicks but to my horror I found myself caring for her even more. I have admited to myself and know that I do indeed now Love her...

I'm in Love with a girl who uses me as a sex toy while it seems her heart is with the long distance boyfriend..... Ive felt from the beginning that perhaps im not good enough, she broke up with him for me but later i had to settle with this sick situation... I get regular awesome sex... but I want it to actually mean something...

No clues about what I can do to save me a wad of pain.

[VictoriaEllen]

Cliche saying...but if it didnt hurt so bad, it would never have felt so good.

I say withdrawl all attention from her. No sex, no contact, nothing.
You do not diserve to be a leftover, and that is how she is treating you. No one diserves that.

It will be hard, no doubt, but I say ditch her ....ignore her, never speak to her again. She is bad business.
Replace her with someone else to distract your mind. It may not ease the pain, but it may make you forget about it for a bit, as time goes on, you'll find yourself wondering why the hell you looked her way in the first place.

Good luck.

[Fishy]

You know the answer, it's in your own text... but for quick reference, you need to have reciprocated love. Half of a relationship is only 50% of what you should be getting. Good luck.

[kanzaki]

well....u are a sex toy....and toy are used for short term before it is worn out....u will soon feel more pain.....

so, would u rather have the BIG hit now and get it done and not feel anymore pain

or

would u wanna go on and on and suffer for a long time before she finnaly dump u and u get the huge hit again

or

u go on and on until u finnaly feel numb

[kaxteranush]

I have to say that your situation is a sad one. Don't worry, I know how it feels............when you love someone, but they don't love you back.............However, it seems to me that you are one hella of a guy and that if she's playing you than she doesn't deserve you. Oh ya, have you told her how you felt? Maybe you need to let her know that you are starting to have feelings for her and that they are serious feelings, and let her know that you don't want to just mess around, becasue you want sex to feel like its important and it has a meaning. Hope I could help.

[unMorph]

A similar situation happened to me, actually. I'll give a few tips for how to avoid this in the future.

A relationship is like a contract. You decide the rules and stipulations when you're courting and they're locked into place once you officially 'date'. So, you entered this relationship with the following rules: It's only for sex. There's your problem. Now you want something more, but she's still operating under the agreed upon rules.

The solution is simple. Next time, don't enter into a relationship just for sex. Now, don't think that I'm blaming you. Sexual relationships are great once in awhile, as long as you don't expect too much from them. There is nothing morally wrong with it, provided its consensual. Just be aware of the scope of the relationship and stay within that. Changing a relationship once it's formed is a lengthy legal debate. Get it right the first time.

Now, I'd like to spend this time talking about the process of love, so that you can recognize when you're doing it and choose to stop it if you wish. People always follow a specific process when they fall in love.

It doesn't start when you're together. It starts later, when you're alone and you start to think about the other person. You begin to imagine yourself with this other person in all sorts of situations, doing all sorts of things together, and having a great time doing it.

Now you notice certain things about the person...qualities in them that are so important to you. You make a list of them in your mind, going through the list a hundred thousand times.

Then it all comes together when you first whisper their name, in your mind or outloud. You say it...once, twice (louder), three times (louder still) and again and again. You feel all those euphoric emotions flooding through you from head to toe everytime you say that name.

So, of course, you start saying it all the time. To your friends, family, to yourself even! You talk about them all the time, working them into every conversation. You're not yet aware that you are already hooked untill...you see them. It all hits you at once...like being smacked with a wrecking ball.

Love.

Ok, now thats the process that people use to create 'love' and connect it to other people. If you DON'T want to fall in love with someone, pay attention and stop yourself when you're first starting to think about them. Move your thoughts to more appropriate situations. If you're in a purely sexual relationship and you start thinking about frolicking through a flowered field together with little pink bubbles floating through the air...STOP and turn your mind to the mindless, mindBLOWing sex you will be having next time you see each other.

In closing...take everyone else's advice. End this relationship. It is unbalanced and unhealthy. If you're unwilling (or just too lazy) to find a new partner, then give this girl enough time to really miss you and appreciate how much you mean to her...then start over with a new, more appropriate contract.

Good luck.

[Drexler]

I have some reign over my emotions, or at least feel I do. I know I will probably continue this and expect myself to get easily over it if and when the time comes she decides it needs to end. Ive done this before but never had feelings during a physical relationship like this... despite my best efforts I find myself unable to bloack my feeling for her. Maybe I will indeed be able to get over her... but I will likely be naive and will find myself broken.

[kronos51]

I dont think anyone is telling you you can stop loving her or wanting to be with you. But she is definitely using you my friend, as you yourself said. I mean you know she has a "boyfriend" yet she is easily engaging in a physical relationship with you at the same time. This speaks to me a bit of her relationship integrity. If she did break up with him for you, would it really mean that much? I dunno, I suppose that is one of the things that I take into serious consideration in a relationship. It would be quite difficult to trust a girl that was with me a long time before breaking off a previous relationship for me (not to mention I've seen this happen with bad results many a time before with friends).

Good luck my friend

[Drexler]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kronos51

I dont think anyone is telling you you can stop loving her or wanting to be with you. But she is definitely using you my friend, as you yourself said. I mean you know she has a "boyfriend" yet she is easily engaging in a physical relationship with you at the same time. This speaks to me a bit of her relationship integrity. If she did break up with him for you, would it really mean that much? I dunno, I suppose that is one of the things that I take into serious consideration in a relationship. It would be quite difficult to trust a girl that was with me a long time before breaking off a previous relationship for me (not to mention I've seen this happen with bad results many a time before with friends).

Good luck my friend

Ive thought much of the same Kronos, I hope in the end integrity questions like this will help me get over her... unlikely but hey, better to have loved and lost than to not loved at all.

[Drexler]

Well things got more interesting...


She told me she loved me, I said it back and we had perhaps the most wonderful conversation of my life... I really really am in love with this girl. This Christmass when ol' Boyfriend comes home however will decide if I am worth her time or she simply made a mistake. Yea, it is screwed up, but I will do anything to not lose her at this point.

[Drexler]

I just want you all to know you were right in the end...

The girl told me that I had nothing to worry about and that she would indeed to leaving Airforce man for good on Christmas Eve... she spent the day with him.

I got a call from Him Christmas Eve at 11:30 confirming the worst and on Christmas morning she confirmed the worst...

It has been the most painful holiday of my life...

Im sorry I didnt listen.