my girlfriend lost affection and sexual desire! - Love Forum

demode1204 · #1 (**permalink**) 19-11-04, 04:24 AM

Well I’m 30 years old I dated my x girlfriend for 4 years she’s currently 26. In the beginning everything was great affection, sex and we got along great. After the 4th year being together first the sexual desire from her side was gone, then after a while we wouldn’t even kiss. Eventually I felt uncomfortable and it just didn’t seem right so in December of 2003 we broke up. I gave her space thinking maybe she lost interest with me and might be interested in someone else. After like 3 months we started talking again and she was still not involved with anyone. We became friends again and we get along great. I was hopping that her dilemma was a phase and maybe we can re-spark things but nothing yet. I just recently spoke to her and told her that I still loved her and asked if the feeling was mutual. She told me that she still loved me but was sorry she couldn’t be affectionate like she used to be. I know she has a very stressful job but I’m not sure if its to blame for her sudden loss of affection and sexual desire. My question is the following, Should I continue in trying to make this relationship spark up to what it used to be? or should i just let it go and continue my life? Your response and advice is greatly appreciated

PoetsRevenge84 · #2 (**permalink**) 19-11-04, 04:41 AM

Follow your heart.

sfalexi · #3 (**permalink**) 19-11-04, 09:39 AM

As for me personally, I believe affection is a PART of a relationship. No affection, no relationship.

sleepy · #4 (**permalink**) 19-11-04, 09:43 AM

i'm with sfalexi. affection and sex are basic human needs. you can't compromise on them. being alone is much better than being lonely.

#5 (**permalink**) 19-11-04, 09:44 AM

hell yeah!

did you try talking to her about EVERYTHING and sharing EVERYTHING with her from your perspective? maybe understanding everything that's going on in her world will make night-and-day difference.

DownWithLove · #6 (**permalink**) 19-11-04, 11:44 AM

Actually, this happens with many women, usually when they are in there 30's though. I have gone through it. I think 2 things help. 1. Push her up against the well and devour her (really hot & passionate, don't bump her head though). Don't talk about it, just be really passionate. If she is willing, put in a porno. It always amazes me that they can get me going even though I am initially turned off by them. Don't do this a lot though. It just helps to get things going and remember what it is like to feel passion and have an orgasm. 2. There are new drugs out for women who are having a problem "getting into it".

She may not be feeling very sexual because she is tired, you've been having sex for a while, and it may be partly physical too. I was practically a nimpho and then my body just seemed to turn off when I was 27. I got tired of doing it when I wasn't really getting enjoyment out of it. It seemed wrong to let him know that I wasn't enjoying it because it wasn't his fault and it seemed wront to fake it. So, it is easier not to be effectionate and not chance getting him turned on. Try my suggestions. If she is really offended by porn, skip it. Be different in bed. Totally different.

If you love her, you can have patience with sex. There also may be underlying problems in other areas of your relationship that neither one of you are conscious of. Be careful to see if you have undermined anything important to her. If you did, correct it. Women need to have trust in bed.

Good luck. I hope things work out for both of you. It sounds like you love each other and this will just be an experience you can both look back on. It won't last forever. She loved sex at one time. It is silly for anyone to think she wants to be frigid or that she will stay that way.

DownWithLove · #7 (**permalink**) 19-11-04, 11:47 AM

Oh, kiss and caress her all over BEFORE you touch her private parts. Wait until she is turned on first.

kanzaki · #8 (**permalink**) 19-11-04, 12:16 PM

well...no affection means no feeling i think

so....i doubt it will work out. But try to turn her ON first b4 doing anything further

Pulchritudinous · #9 (**permalink**) 19-11-04, 01:09 PM

Down has the right idea. It will come down to passion to rescue your lady, if, in fact, she is rescuable. Just make sure you haven't been slotted into the, "Just friends" category, which pretty much means no sexual contact. If you've avoided that pitfall, then try taking things two steps forward, and one step back. Basically-build anticipation. This single factor is usually enough to get a woman going full throttle if done correctly.

~P

ran · #10 (**permalink**) 19-11-04, 02:33 PM

Get her heart rate up (literally, trust me). Do something crazy with her. Make life exciting so she forgets about work. And when given the opportunity, slam her into the wall as said by DownWithLove. Except do bang her head, but lightly, so she feels different sensations. Tear her clothes, but promise to buy new ones. A good excuse to take her out more.

But maybe you guys aren't friends in a relationship, but are friends out of the relationship. She probably needs friendship over anythign else. Can you become friends and be intimate with her, or is it one or the other?

demode1204 · #11 (**permalink**) 23-11-04, 09:26 PM

I asked her just recently regarding where we stand in our relationship and also advised her that if she wanted to be just friends to give me some time off so that i can put behind me any love (girlfriend) feelings. She replied she didnt want that she wanted to work things out etc.... At the moment she's in France when she returns I just might take her on a small adventurous vacation to a near by theme park (derail her train a little from work) and attempt the slam on the wall move that downwithlove recomended.

abercromqt20 · #12 (**permalink**) 23-11-04, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sfalexi

As for me personally, I believe affection is a PART of a relationship. No affection, no relationship.

agreed. you need some sort of sexual side in your relationship. if you don't have that then you are just friends.

anyways...... i have been where ur gf is at b4. to me it signaled the end of that relationship, and i had to move on. now i don't know why ur gf does that, but for me i think it was an indicator that i knew the guy i was with wasn't the one and it was time to move on. so talk to her about it. if she offers you up no clues i would say leave. you can't continue this relationship without the sex, because you want sex. and there is nothing wrong with that. If you do nothing about it this WILL be the down fall of your relationship in some way.

DownWithLove · #13 (**permalink**) 06-12-04, 12:43 AM

Give us an update after she gets back from France, you bring her to the theme park, and slam! I think that is an excellent plan. I'm rooting for you!

val · #14 (**permalink**) 06-12-04, 02:32 AM

For average woman there is no way to lost sexual desire to man who she loves. If she is not much into sex, it could happen, but i never seen such a girl or woman.
Try to get back what she liked on you, lost of sexual desire is begin of broken relationship, because every average woman needs sex as every average man.

ltj5253 · #15 (**permalink**) 06-12-04, 08:08 AM

you have to mix it up somehow. im sure shes just getting bored of the everyday cooking, cleaning, and working. the best thing is to do something totally romantic, and something that you never have done before. women crave adventure. no doubt about it.

awan