Need your opinion

[foxylady]

Hi everybody. Just wanted to share something I’ve been going through. Feeling a little confused. I have not been dating for a while. After graduating from university, I was focused on doing well at my job, and just being busy trying to stay firm on my own two feet. Now that that’s all accomplished I’ve been looking, well not really looking, but paying more attention to men around me. Don’t get me wrong, I consider myself very attractive, but not very many men have enough courage to talk to me, as I tend to appear intimidating to them, until they get to know me. I have a lot of friends, and they don’t understand why I don’t have a boyfriend, they say I have too high of standards. Maybe…I don’t think my standards are too high. First of all a guy with enough confidence to talk to me will have lot’s of points to begin with. The rest is pretty general – intelligent, ambitious, good sense of humor…



Anyways, I did manage to fall in love. Was pretty much head over heals. Everything was great. I was a little uneasy with him putting me on the pedestal, but I finally got used to all the compliments. Unfortunately, the relationship got a little too complicated for both of us, and we parted. But I was grateful for what it was.



Recently I met somebody else. What can I say he seems perfect (I know, I know, nobody’s perfect). It was like a breeze of fresh air. He has no emotional baggage. And everything is going very slow, which is ok with me. Something started to bother me though. It’s been over a month since I’ve known him. I’ve seen him in total only six times. He calls very seldom. Although when he does call, he gives me a full update on what was going on with him since the last time I saw him. He seems to have a lot of friends and goes out a lot. But he never asked me to go out with him, or even to join him and his friends when they go out. Although, he always mentions that we should go out “this weekend”. I guess I am a little confused on whether he likes me or not. It is a complete extreme opposite to the man I was dating before him. I have never heard a compliment, or indication that he likes me. Another confusing part is that when we do see each other, he is very cordial, and everything ends with a nice kiss. But then again I don’t hear from him for a few days. I have been calling him just to chat, and he is not opposed to talking when I call. I tried not calling, and of course, I don’t hear from him for days. All this just seems very strange to me. All I want to do is just to get to know him better, without putting any pressure to develop a stronger relationship. But at the same time, I am a little upheld with his lack of enthusiasm to get to know me. I am probably overanalyzing all this, and just should let it go the way it goes. But I am getting frustrated, especially knowing that I like him, and not interested in anybody else. What are your thoughts on this?

[theyoungone]

Try to make a definite arrangement to go out with him and his friends. If they are a big part of his life, then show interest in them and suggest that you'd like to meet them. That might be the best way, because not only will you find out more about him(you can tell a lot by a man's friends), but his friends will be interested in meeting you, and he will introduce you to them in a way that suggests what kind of relationship you have (if he likes you he will want to show you off).

I'd say that if you are the intimidating woman you think you are, then if I was him, I would be hesitant about not pushing things too fast or strong in case that you decided you might be better off somewhere else, especially as you havent been seeing him for long. That might seem obvious, but it might surprise you what effect that kind of thing can have.

Persevere though, because if you like him (and you seem to) then its worth it for sure. If it gets too much to take, have it out with him. Things are often much better said out loud.

Good Luck

[foxylady]

Thanks for the responce. I decided to move on. I am always the one who is asking all the questions to get to know him. He never asks the same questions about me, or any questions that wold help him to know me. Just can't handle so much disinterest.

[Illusional]

i would tell you not to be so quick to judge anything just yet. you have only recently met him right? about a month or so and you go out about once a week, talk on the phone onces a week or so.

i was in the same boat as you. this girl that i dated, i saw her only on fridays and hardly ever did talk to her on the phone. i never met any of her friends expect one incident at the club and i never really got to know the inside of her life. however the feelings that did develop only left me to believe that sometimes, relationships turn out this way, not because of a ;ack of interest, but because some people are this way. when i have a gf, i also try to be very close with my friend and i push for the same type of relationship with her and her friends. i never want her to forget about them so i give her all the time she wanted to spend with them. also because your relationship is still very young, i wouldn't worry. raverboy

[foxylady]

Thanks, raverboy. Actually, it's already been a month since the last time I saw him. He doesn't call, unless I call, and then he talks. I decided not to call, and ít's been over a week since I talked to him. I feel like I am alone in this. I don't expect him to stop hanging out with his friends, I wanted to get to know them as well. It seems strange to me, if he was not interested in me anymore, I would expect him to tell me that. But as you said, everybody's different, maybe it's his way of letting me know. I am also not sure if I should ask him directly, we really didn't have a relationship for a "relationship" talk.

[Illusional]

personally i would ask him wassup. i mean why would you rather wait and wonder than to go straight to the point. being he might be shy about you or just relationships in general, i think you should step it up. if he rejects the fact that you're being to pushy, i would take it as he might not be ready for something serious. raverboy

[peshkunta]

I know a lot of gorgeous people who are single and they can't figure out what's going on. I think it's so unfair.

How good-looking is he?

He might just be intimidated by you (if you are way out of his league) and feel like he won't be able to keep you for long, so he is not even trying. I think that's so crappy...from both sides when men and women do it. It's so retarded.

You have nothing else to do, but ask him. I wouldn't really deal with him if he doesn't show he appreciates you. Show him who runs the show here.