Best Friend Love...

[theyoungone]

The flat i live in at university ended up being a bit crap. I only get on well with one out of six people. She has become my best friend at university. I always liked her, but i have come to realise that I am in love with her. Should I ask her out?

I can't be sure of how she might respond, but the chances are against me (from what she has said i dont seem like her type). However, we do get along really well, for example we'd stay up until 3 or 4 most nights chatting and drinking tea, and we always go out clubbing and stuff together. I'm pretty sure she hasn't ever had a serious boyfriend, and generally she's really picky, not having shown much(if any) interest in other guys we've met. The problem is that she responds badly to guys that ask her out that she doesnt fancy. She tends to distance herself, which is understandable. But I can't afford for that to happen really. There's only a few weeks left before summer break, and I am living with her next year. It could be really awkward, and I could end up without her even as a friend. Either way, things would change. I know I should have acted earlier, but before the decision was easy, it wasn't worth it. Now my feelings are stronger and it is unbearable (especially when she walks about in nightclothes!). Maybe over the summer I'll cool down. She'll live miles away. But it could be SO good...

What can I do?

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Ah, I love being an expert in SOME area. Being in love with your best friend just happens to be it. Ok, well first thing is how long have you two been best friends? Has it been this entire last school year or longer than that? Are you two extremely close? When you say you stay up just talking do you get into intimate conversations and really get into her and see what drives her? If you don't know her inside and out then you may still have a chance. Whether or not you're too late to back out of the friend zone and make a relationship is totally based off of how much she NEEDS you as a friend. If your friendship is absolutely essential in her life then just forget about asking her out. If you're just a really good friend of which she has a few then you should be ok. The way to figure that out is how much do you know about her? Do you know all her likes and dislikes? Could you go into a store and pick out an outfit she'd like? Or order her something from a restaurant you know she'd like? The little things. If you know her inner workings then you are the best friend she has in the world and there you'll stay. If you decide you want to try to be with her don't do anything now. Wait for next year. Let the summer come and go, relax, enjoy yourself, then if you come back and all those feelings swell back up and you want to explode then go for it. But the greatest piece of advice I can give you is BE SUBTLE. Don't just walk up and say "Will you go out with me?" First of all that a lame line and secondly she'll definately be taken by surprise and not respond or walk away. Be slow, hint hint hint, slowly act more lovingly to her. Hint your ass off. If you do this for a few months and she doesn't take the hint then be more direct, but be careful how you word it. Make it nice and make sure she knows that if she doesn't feel comfy with being with you a friendship is always fine. Give her options, give her time and space, and give her your love. You'll do fine.

[theyoungone]

hi
well...

I have known her only for the year, abut i think i know her quite well. I know lots of small things about her, but only through living right next door to her, not because she tells me everything. When we stay up late, we generally dont talk intimately, just non-stop. I have tried to drop quite a few hints, but she never takes them, and if the subject of conversation gets to anything concerning how she feels, like what guys specifically she likes and stuff like that, she shies away and get embarrassed.

Thats the kind of thing that she might only talk about with the group of friends that she has got at home. They are much closer. In fact we were talking the other night, and we both agreed that we know each other better than anybody else at university, but she said that she thinks I dont know her as well as I think I do.
Usually I'm quite good at deciding if a girl likes me, but she is very conventional, she said that she couldnt see herself making anymoves on guys, and I can tell you that she gives nothing away. Next year we'll be living with more people, so im hoping that the pressure to stay friends will be less.

Its going to be a long summer.
Thanks for the advice, its good sh*t. If you can add anything, do it. I'd be most grateful.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Nothing really new to add, just take the summer to enjoy yourself and if the feelings are still there next year start slowly persuing. The one thing you gotta watch out for is that if you do decide to go for it make sure you start right away. You wanna be calm and cool and work into it slow but you'd be amazed at how quickly she can get picked up if you aren't careful. I know she doesn't sound like the girl to just get snapped up by anyone, but you wouldn't believe all those assholes that just move in on your loved ones without a care in the world. Grrrr